The Talisman of Small Truth

(Based on a dream I had.)

There are a number of truths spread between the religions of the world.  Some of these truths are common to all faiths--these are the Small Truths.  Angels carry these truths in small talismans as a conduit to the Divine.

Ordinarly, communing with the All Knowing is automatic.  But in certain situations Angels can become cut off.  These talismans provide guidance and hope when all else is lost.  They are prized and powerful in the hands of an Angel.

The Witch of North Mountain

Melongrim looked out from the open window of her stone spire. The icy winds blew and howled. The chill would have been crippling to a woman now in her second century if she had mortal flesh to feel it. Emaciated hands clutched a foul magic brew she had been working on until something odd wrenched her attention away. She held it absently now as she peered out in to the night. Cold eyes burned in to the darkness—searching.

A shadow wavered and her vision locked on the aberration. It was well hidden. So well hidden she could not make out what it was which instantly meant it could be only one thing—her husband. She set the cup down and bellowed in to the wind.

“Didn’t I kill you? You should know better than to come to me now!”

The next few phrases twisted the tongue, mind and reality. The night sky cracked and a blazing star erupted over the snow covered slopes. The barren rock and ice surrounding her fortress bathed in searing light. The shadow leapt away and dived quite undignified in to a crevasse. A faint curse drifted up from the mountain to the witches ears. She cackled—a stereotypical trait she tried to avoid, but allowed herself the indulgence this time.

“Alaban! Brimkey!” she shouted. As each name was spoken a great hulking shadow sprang to being next to her. Each was well over 15’ tall, billowing evil with great gaping maws and vacant eyes. “Go fetch my husband and bring him to me.”

The two specter princes made no sounds and quietly slipped through stone, structure and night. Melongrim watched as the minions arrowed for the crevasse. When both disappeared in to the shadow a magic laden voice bellowed followed by inhuman harmonic screams. Alaban and Brimkey shot out of the cleft in opposite directions fleeing in to the night with the speed only their kind could achieve.

“I see you struck a truce with the Specter King! How much of your soul did you give up, Sustis? Have you any left? Why have you come dear husband?” The searing light faltered and the North Mountain returned to darkness.

The shadow scrabbled out of his protective hole. As he stood up from his hands and knees. “Greetings, Wife! You look ravishing as ever!” Tall and still handsome (if not for the shining black eyes and aura of death) he called up to her.

“Don’t try my patience, Dread Lord! You’ve lost my affections, loyalty and trust. You can not hope to beguile me on this mountain and I have not yet decided whether to allow you to leave yet. Now, why are you here?”

The shadow shifted nervously. “I have news you would hear.” He paused trying to find words, but gave up. “Luna is dead.”

Melongrim’s soul churned. The icy defenses paralyzed as old emotions tried to break through. A thousand deaths she planned for this man. A thousand revenges. Ten thousands torments. All of them deserved. She shook herself and recomposed her shields.

“I declare truce until dawn. Enter Sultan Sustis Ahlakim, Dread Lord and Husband.” The air hummed as magic again flashed on North Mountain. A numbness settled in to both of them. No actions of harm could be taken against each other this night as declared by the old magics. The gates of Shardholm split open. The Witch of North Mountain and the Sultan would mourn their daughter and plan how best to save their son.

The First Trumpet

A dirty old man stirred in his dirty cell.  Murmurs of an inhuman language echoed softly on the walls.  The stones were smooth from centuries of human hands searching for some weakness in the mortar, but there was none.  There was a barred window high on the wall.  It was enough to allow the prisoner to detect the passing of days, make the nights chilly and the days uncomfortably warm yet never allow a glimpse of sky.  A shaft of golden dawn light fell on the far wall just above the iron door.  The old man jerked in his sleep and cried out, "Madori!"

The language was hard on his tongue and evoked an image of Light--of a place lost.  No! Not lost, but Exiled.  The ever present comfort of the All Knowing.  No doubts.  No hesitations.  Only absolute certainty.  But then came the Command... and then the certainty was lost.  This retched world made little sense without the Guide.  It made precious  little sense while she was in it, but no more.  His dream shifted briefly to a face long gone.  Her eyes.  Her smile. A feeling new and raw and distracting.  But she melted away in to the Light.

He was running from the Great Light.  It had finally found him in this forgotten dark place.  The Light haunted him now.  It's glare blinding in judgement.  It's brillance glorius in anger.  It's radiance resplendant in justice.  He turned and ran.  He could feel the heat on his back rising, the voice reverberating and then... The single pure tone of a great horn resounded.  His heart stopped and trembled in the harmonic for a moment and then exploded to oblivion.

Awake!  Gader'el shot up from the squallid mattris the sound of the horn still ringing in his chest. The First Trumpet! The Trumpet has sounded again!  The Horseman is awakened.

11:47 PM January 1st, 2050

Mathue coded the new formula in to his prediction module.  His head still vaguely hurt from the post New Year's Eve celebrations last night.  The late night had meant sleeping in which consquently left him restless and active late again tonight.  His final project for Christian Science: A study in religious mechanics wasn't due for months.  He had the code framework finished and was planning to finish the program through the rest of the semester, but early this morning he'd had an odd dream.

His plan was a program to predict a date for the end of the world using all the revalent data he could find from various sources.  The program was further going to predict various sign and milestones.  The whole thing would be a hoot to present to the class.  He had records of various calendars from various cultures around the world and had been attempting to sycronize them. 

In his dream he stood on the top of a Mayan temple during a particularly gruesome holiday.  The dream was so vivid that he could see the position of the stars and idly thought, "Hmph... that's wrong this is the Summer star placement and this is a Winter festival."  Just then the King stepped up with his most powerful shaman to the sacrifice table.  The King seemed to ignore Mathue completely.  But just before the shaman stabbed the young maiden between her exposed breasts he paused and locked eyes with Mathue.  The Shaman had stark blue eyes.  His gaze pierced him and he felt himself shiver.   Mathue woke to a painful hangover.

"That holiday was celebrated in the summer?" he mumbled out loud.  Later he checked his sources again and did indeed find a conflicting reference.  Intrigued he began replotting his calculations.  The program was churning now factoring in dozens of religious predictions.  Went the output displayed, Mathue looked over the 50 or so dates from over 1000 years ago out to the year 18,492.  Each date was given a percentage for how many cultures overlapped.  Most were only tiny slices.  But one date stuck out.

Date of the First Sign..........January 1st, 2050 11:48 PM.....100%

Mathue glanced at the clock on the computer just clicking over to 11:48... he shivered.

Ramblings

This blog is going to have no point... don't try to find one.



A strange day of futility... Ever have one of those days where you start off asking "why me?" only to answer yourself with "cuz that's life and you're nothing special."  You'd like to think you've been singled out for torment, but in reality you are just another person going through their day with their own trials and tribulations.  If you were singled out... at least you would have qualified for special treatment and being something worthy of divine notice wouldn't be all bad.



But I'm really not that special.  My life is exceedingly "not bad".  I'd like to think that wanting to drive a spike through specific co-workers is a great problem, but it is nothing.  My greatest problems are nothing.  My life is so shaded with blessings I have trouble getting really fired up about anything.  It is the "not bad" thing that probably keeps all of America asleep.  We have few fears of real danger.  We have more than we need in most cases.  In a pinch we can help each other.  How could we really complain about anything.  How absurd we must look to the world.  What would they think of our insipid blogs (if they had computers to read them).



I suppose is boils down to what is a person.  Compared to society, I'm just a middle-class working husband father of 3.  But who am I really?  What did I do on this Earth?  What did I enjoy?  I wonder if anyone cares.  If I am carefree or worn with worry, in the end will anyone have noticed?



I think many struggle to leave some mark on the world.  Odd when you consider the world will end someday... what will all the marks of all the people who have lived matter to the Universe?  They seem important to us--to our children.  They make up stories we tell.  So for a while we will be remembered.  Always this need to be remembered.  Of course billions go unremembered today.  But some how if we are "great" we will have some longevity in the minds of those that come after us.  However, none of us is really great or really small...



Many have hit on this notion.  All men are created equal... Love thy brother... We will be free... All of them shades of the same... that we are all the same with our own collections of strengths and weaknesses--but fundamentally the same.  So perhaps remembering one of us is like remembering all of us.  I suppose all of us are products of the sum of human learning.  None of us grew up isolated on an island.  We've all learned from someone who learned from someone else... all that we know we have taken in from one of us back to the begining.



So in that sense I am the living Mark Twain... the living Jesus... the living Mohammad... the living Martin Luther... the living Einstein... all that I've learned from those that have passed.



Ramblings... ramblings...



I wish it was easier to know yourself... and also easier to show yourself... and that no one would attempt to judge the greatness or smallness of who you were.  Since in the end we are all great and small.  That what we are is what all of humanity has been and is becoming.

Holidays

The holiday season has really arrived.  There are two radio stations that play all christmas music starting in November.  The shops are bursting... decorations are going up.   Oh yeah, it's christmas time.  Ah... to be a kid again on Christmas.  Could their be anything better? 

Anyways... I got lots to do and so many things to catch up on.  I'm sure I'll be all hustle and bustle.  Although, I like it.

So, Merry Christmas!  Happy Holidays!

Don't worry about the shopping. Just enjoy the sights and sounds.

EVE

I figured I'd write about the latest game I've been playing some... EVE.



EVE is another MMORPG (Massively Multiplayer Online Role Playing Game) only this one is sci-fi based.  Rather than characters per se you have ships.  The game play revolves around what you decide achieve more than quests or missions.  There are over a hundred ships, all with different looks and abilities.  Each ship has a number of modification slots for custom equipment.  The ships can focus on a variety of combat styles to mining to spying to courier to transport and more.  It really is like a mini-world in space with 10's of thousands of players filling in the roles.



The "world" is vast.  Thousands of star systems each with planets, stations, asteroid belts and various other features (some hidden).  Game play never takes place on a planet or "in" a station.  Stations are basically just docking facilities for your ship.  A lot of game stuff starts in stations, but you never actually get out of your ship and walk around.



There is only one game server.  So there is no confusion about what server your friends may be playing on.  It's only a matter of if you can get to them.  Navigation is quite complex.  But it gives the game an interesting "realistic" feel to space travel.  You actually feel like you're programming your nav computer to make all the warp jumps necessary to move between systems.



The character development is the driving factor in the game.  If you want to be a Miner for example, there are a few dozen skills you'll need to be a master.  The money you rake in will increase with your skill, ship, mods and you're ability to find the rarest ores.  But it's a hard world out there.  Take out a slow mining rig to a low security system and you're likely to get attacked by other players looking to loot your hull and steal your ore.  PvP is complex and costly.



In order to make it, you need to have friends.  There are hundreds of corporations started by other players to join.  Inside a corp you can schedule mining missions with teams of miners, defenders and haulers (folks that ferry ore to the stations)--everyone gets a share.  Again, it's a facinating simulation of the real world.



My character's name is Masada Akiva.  Currently I'm working for MCLI out of the Angymonne system.  MCLI is a small mining corporation, but it's been good for me to see them and get tips.  The game has massively complex systems for combat, trade, skills, mining, covert operations, crafting and probably a dozen others I don't know about.  Most of the learning is thru discovery in the game.  There are many help guides, but it's hard to know what to look for.



It's an interesting game.  You can download the client for free and play for $15 a month.  This makes it a cheap buy in compared to many MMORPG's.  If you try it... drop me a line.  Talk to ya online!

Granny Goose

My grandmother on my mom's side has passed away today.  Her name was Dorothy Boone. She was really the only grandparent I've known my whole life.  My grandfather died when my mom was just 7.  Although she remarried a few times the only grandfather I remember died when I was just a teen.  She decided to never remarry after that.  I believe she was 80.

For the last couple of years she had been losing a battle with Ahlziemers.  She hadn't been able to speak or recognize us for a few weeks.  The last time I did see her, she was having a good day and we spoke.  She seemed a little scared like she wasn't quite sure where she was, but she was happy to be with us.

She used to play dice and cards and she was masterful at it.  Cribbage, yahtzee, pitch, canasta... she was good at them all.  I might even trace back my love of games to her.  The first house hers that I can remember had a great play basement.  It had one room with a carpet that all sorts of game pattern in it--like checker boards, hopscotch, etc.  I used play down there for hours.  Mostly just driving hot wheels around the pattern which made perfect roads.

She was the youngest of 6 siblings--Alvin, Glenola, Mildred, Crisy, Zelma and Dorothy or "Dot" as the rest of them called her.  Zelma is the last.  All of them played a solid game of canasta.  Glenola and Mildred both died of Ahlziemers too.  Alvin died of heart problems, but not before celebrating his 75th wedding anniversary.

My grandmother worked for Western Auto most of her life.  She openned a craft store when she retired.  She painted for years after that. 

I've missed my grandma for a number of years as she slowly faded.  I suppose its the way of things, but I still miss her.

More advice for Husbands and Wives

This picture has nothing to do with the post... But ain't it a hoot!?

A lot of what I've "discovered" about relationships isn't new.  Obviously, relationships are as old as humanity (maybe older depending on your metaphysical views).  Yet still folks commonly make the same mistakes generation after generation.  Why?

I think the answer boils down to, "We just don't think about it."  We learn virtually everything from our own families.  It isn't a classroom but, just the same, we see how our parents managed and we tend to manage things the same way.  Including all the mistakes and bad habits.  But then we rarely take time to really break down these behaviors and decide if we should keep them or not.  We just "do" and hope for the best.

The human being is an amazing creature.  We take decades to develop.  While the law of the land typically calls us "adult" at 18, this has no bearing on reality.  Our schools and our society do not focus on real development.  They focus on learning and education... but not on being whole and complete people.  In fact, we often teach ideals contrary to being complete people.  This is what I'd like to focus on for the new couple...  You have to be happy with yourself (alone) before you can really be happy with your partner.  This means you have to be a whole person to begin with... not a "half person" looking for their other half.

Being happy with yourself is hard to define.  But I think I can give some examples of how to tell if you're probably not quite done yet.  If you are out of a relationship and you can't seem to think of anything else than how to get back in a relationship... You might have some work to do yet.  If you are never happy when you're alone or if you imagine that everything would be more fun with a partner, then you should also take a little pause to ponder why that is.  In many cases, folks would say that these things are really true--that life is always better with a spouse and that we should all be working on acquiring one.  While having a spouse is immensly satisfying and can add to your well-being as a person, having a partner isn't a specific cure to being an incomplete person.

Finding someone that seems to fill in the holes in your life may be very comforting at first, it also may not last.  It's not entirely stable especially if you're not even aware that you've done it.  Imagine that I have no right arm.  Suddenly, I meet a woman with a very functional right arm and when we stand side-by-side we can make great sandwiches.... ahhhh life is grand.  But then I sit down to type a blog and it just doesn't work.  She may be able to intuitively help me be a complete sandwich maker, but she can't possibly work a normal keyboard in unison with me.  She ends up feeling inadequate that she can not fix this part of me and I may even resent her for not being able to help with blogs as well as she helps with sandwiches.  We may try for years to make blog writing work.  Whether we are ultimately successful or not, the struggle with tax the relationship.  If we encounter a number of other common relationship problems, the burden may just be too great and we'll grow apart.

Relationships are long-shot bets at the best of times.  Every advantage you can leverage to help you be successful should be greedily exploited.  If you come to your relationship with a burden of painful loneliness and past broken promises, you'll probably be looking at your new partner to cure all of these.  It's not fair to ask that of someone.  We have to find our own peace and then come to our new relationships at peace with ourselves, our goals, desires, dreams and feelings.  Sharing a life with someone is not about leaning on someone to make up for things you are not happy with in yourself.

Knowing when you are a "whole person" probably isn't possible.  I'm sure it's a goal that we would strive for our entire lives.  So don't take this to mean you can't ever find a mate or ever be attracted to things in a mate that you find missing in yourself.  But do take those opportunities to learn from your partner to be these things you admire.  Do take time to think about yourself and why you do the things you do.  Try to define what you like in your partner and ponder why you like that so much.  We could all do with a little more introspection.  Take some time to really think about these things.  I mean, ideally your relationship is going to last a lifetime, right?  You can afford to sit back and really think about it.

Explosives

I ran across this picture in reference to "Spycraft" motivational posters... It was my favorite so I had to post it.

Are we EFFING crazy?

How is it possible to elect a human being so abysmally stupid that they would hit on their underage same-sex pages?  Not that gayness is extra wrong compared to regular underage sex chat... but DAMN!



We have serious serious political issues.  We need to pay more attention to the men and women we put in office.  This is nuts.  So unbelievably nuts.



The President is a self-servicing oil baron, half of congress is theives and pedophiles, and we've come to expect our leaders to be majorly flawed in some way.  We could grab bums off the street with more integrity than these leaders.



I just can't farking believe it.

Fall Colors

With just a few nights of cool temps the trees are beginning to change here in KC.  Just a few here and there, but it's a start.  In Nebraska, they have dots of color all over the place reminding me how pretty fall is.



I'm pretty solidly a Fall/Winter kind of guy.  I like the cool temps, sweaters, long coats and good boots.  I love an 8 foot snow drifts and a warm wood fire.  Of course I love Halloween, Thanksgiving and Christmas (despite their religious affiliations and/or fictious origins).  It's the time of year I try to hum silently Christmas songs.  I hate to annoy the rest of you, but it just makes me happy to sing them.



I like football (the American kind) and early sunsets.  I like bitter cold clear nights where the stars themselves seem like they may settle down on top of sparkling snow.  I like the Harvest Moon low on the horizon.



I don't like raking leaves.  Nothing is perfect I guess.



I hope all of you get a chance to enjoy the thing you love most in the last bit of 2006.  I know the holidays can be a rush and they aren't entirely all inclusive.  But to me the "reason for the season" isn't because some poor smuck got born, but rather that a reminder that we can be good to eath other.  That we don't have to instantly fear each other or be worried about differences.  Sappy I suppose.  But better than being bitter all the time.

From 6:30 Friday to 6:30 Sunday every other week

I've been divorced for some years now.  I've since remarried and have a new son as a result.  But I still have my other two from my first marriage.  As the short years have rolled by, my time with them has been ever shrunk from full 50/50 to, now, only every other weekend from 6:30 PM on Friday to 6:30 PM on Sunday.

I have to go on record to say that there is not a thing that's fair about divorce and there must be some better way.

I hope that the line stops here and that I'll aways get at least this much.  Of course, I'm completely paranoid that I'll lose more.  I steel myself to the realization that what I've had is probably more than I'll ever get again.  I suppose this is a feeling all parents must face, divorced or not.  It just seems more precious to me.  I know there is very little I can do to change the way this works out.  I just try to do the best I can whenever I see them.  I try not to miss them too much when they're away--my family needs me to be there for them too.  Still I wish I didn't have to and that all my children were with me all the time.

If you know a divorced father out there, give him a hug and tell him it will be okay.

I always try to remember that I can't solve every problem and that I can only do my best.  Life has many challenges with many outcomes great and small--with triumphs and defeats.  I have faith that I'm doing is what I should be and is all that I can.  Still, I wish it could be more.

Chandler, Sabrina, Gabe and Amy, I love you all very dearly.  I always have and I always will.

An Epiphany

Through several random thoughts that I won't attempt to recount I hit upon a potentially profound thought.

What if we all stopped trying to figure out who said what?  What if we just didn't really pay too much attention to what Jesus said or didn't say... what Mohammad did or didn't say... what the Apostles said or didn't say.  All of them got their messages from God and God speaks to each of us.  We were given brains, thought and feeling to discover the messages that God (or Goddess) has for us.

Certainly there is wisdom in the words of the Prophets.  Those words  should be studied and pondered, but in the end... it is for us to decide what the message from God is to us.

I don't need to find an ancient scroll written by Jesus to tell me that he probably loved a woman (Mary Magdalene or another).  I know it to be true--for only a man that knew love could have found any wisdom at all.  I do not need to find the passages where Mohammad spoke of Peace for all people--for it would be impossible for God to will anything else.

What the Prophets said is much less important than what God says to you.  Listen to your heart.  Listen deep in to your heart for there is God speaking to you.  All the answers that humans have ever known started there.  All the wisdom of all the ages is there in you.  The same flesh and blood as any of the Prophets.  You are no less a creation than they.  God speaks to you as much as he has to them.  We but need to listen.

Banned Books

Apparently some of these books were banned, at one point, for some reason or another. The ones in bold are the ones I have read.  Which have YOU read?

1. Scary Stories (Series) by Alvin Schwartz

2. Daddy's Roommate by Michael Willhoite

3. I Know Why the Caged Bird Sings by Maya Angelou

4. The Chocolate War by Robert Cormier

5. The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn by Mark Twain

6. Of Mice and Men by John Steinbeck

7. Harry Potter (Series) by J.K. Rowling

8. Forever by Judy Blume

9. Bridge to Terabithia by Katherine Paterson

10. Alice (Series) by Phyllis Reynolds Naylor

11. Heather Has Two Mommies by Leslea Newman

12. My Brother Sam is Dead by James Lincoln Collier and Christopher Collier

13. The Catcher in the Rye by J.D. Salinger

14. The Giver by Lois Lowry

15. It's Perfectly Normal by Robie Harris

16. Goosebumps (Series) by R.L. Stine

17. A Day No Pigs Would Die by Robert Newton Peck

18. The Color Purple by Alice Walker

19. Sex by Madonna

20. Earth's Children (Series) by Jean M. Auel

21. The Great Gilly Hopkins by Katherine Paterson

22. A Wrinkle in Time by Madeleine L'Engle

23. Go Ask Alice by Anonymous

24. Fallen Angels by Walter Dean Myers

25. In the Night Kitchen by Maurice Sendak

26. The Stupids (Series) by Harry Allard

27. The Witches by Roald Dahl

28. The New Joy of Gay Sex by Charles Silverstein

29. Anastasia Krupnik (Series) by Lois Lowry

30. The Goats by Brock Cole

31. Kaffir Boy by Mark Mathabane

32. Blubber by Judy Blume

33. Killing Mr. Griffin by Lois Duncan

34. Halloween ABC by Eve Merriam

35. We All Fall Down by Robert Cormier

36. Final Exit by Derek Humphry

37. The Handmaid's Tale by Margaret Atwood

38. Julie of the Wolves by Jean Craighead George

39. The Bluest Eye by Toni Morrison

40. What's Happening to my Body? Book for Girls: A Growing-Up Guide for Parents & Daughters by Lynda Madaras (gah, that was a horrible experience LOL)

41. To Kill a Mockingbird by Harper Lee

42. Beloved by Toni Morrison

43. The Outsiders by S.E. Hinton

44. The Pigman by Paul Zindel

45. Bumps in the Night by Harry Allard

46. Deenie by Judy Blume

47. Flowers for Algernon by Daniel Keyes

48. Annie on my Mind by Nancy Garden

49. The Boy Who Lost His Face by Louis Sachar

50. Cross Your Fingers, Spit in Your Hat by Alvin Schwartz

51. A Light in the Attic by Shel Silverstein

52. Brave New World by Aldous Huxley

53. Sleeping Beauty Trilogy by A.N. Roquelaure (Anne Rice)

54. Asking About Sex and Growing Up by Joanna Cole

55. Cujo by Stephen King

56. James and the Giant Peach by Roald Dahl

57. The Anarchist Cookbook by William Powell

58. Boys and Sex by Wardell Pomeroy

59. Ordinary People by Judith Guest

60. American Psycho by Bret Easton Ellis

61. What's Happening to my Body? Book for Boys: A Growing-Up Guide for Parents & Sons by Lynda Madaras

62. Are You There, God? It's Me, Margaret by Judy Blume

63. Crazy Lady by Jane Conly

64. Athletic Shorts by Chris Crutcher

65. Fade by Robert Cormier

66. Guess What? by Mem Fox

67. The House of Spirits by Isabel Allende

68. The Face on the Milk Carton by Caroline Cooney

69. Slaughterhouse-Five by Kurt Vonnegut

70. Lord of the Flies by William Golding

71. Native Son by Richard Wright

72. Women on Top: How Real Life Has Changed Women's Fantasies by Nancy Friday

73. Curses, Hexes and Spells by Daniel Cohen

74. Jack by A.M. Homes

75. Bless Me, Ultima by Rudolfo A. Anaya

76. Where Did I Come From? by Peter Mayle

77. Carrie by Stephen King

78. Tiger Eyes by Judy Blume

79. On My Honor by Marion Dane Bauer

80. Arizona Kid by Ron Koertge

81. Family Secrets by Norma Klein

82. Mommy Laid An Egg by Babette Cole

83. The Dead Zone by Stephen King

84. The Adventures of Tom Sawyer by Mark Twain

85. Song of Solomon by Toni Morrison

86. Always Running by Luis Rodriguez

87. Private Parts by Howard Stern

88. Where's Waldo? by Martin Hanford

89. Summer of My German Soldier by Bette Greene

90. Little Black Sambo by Helen Bannerman

91. Pillars of the Earth by Ken Follett

92. Running Loose by Chris Crutcher

93. Sex Education by Jenny Davis

94. The Drowning of Stephen Jones by Bette Greene

95. Girls and Sex by Wardell Pomeroy

96. How to Eat Fried Worms by Thomas Rockwell

97. View from the Cherry Tree by Willo Davis Roberts

98. The Headless Cupid by Zilpha Keatley Snyder

99. The Terrorist by Caroline Cooney

100. Jump Ship to Freedom by James Lincoln Collier and Christopher Collier

Banned Books

Apparently some of these books were banned, at one point, for some reason or another. The ones in bold are the ones I have read.  Which have YOU read?

1. Scary Stories (Series) by Alvin Schwartz

2. Daddy's Roommate by Michael Willhoite

3. I Know Why the Caged Bird Sings by Maya Angelou

4. The Chocolate War by Robert Cormier

5. The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn by Mark Twain

6. Of Mice and Men by John Steinbeck

7. Harry Potter (Series) by J.K. Rowling

8. Forever by Judy Blume

9. Bridge to Terabithia by Katherine Paterson

10. Alice (Series) by Phyllis Reynolds Naylor

11. Heather Has Two Mommies by Leslea Newman

12. My Brother Sam is Dead by James Lincoln Collier and Christopher Collier

13. The Catcher in the Rye by J.D. Salinger

14. The Giver by Lois Lowry

15. It's Perfectly Normal by Robie Harris

16. Goosebumps (Series) by R.L. Stine

17. A Day No Pigs Would Die by Robert Newton Peck

18. The Color Purple by Alice Walker

19. Sex by Madonna

20. Earth's Children (Series) by Jean M. Auel

21. The Great Gilly Hopkins by Katherine Paterson

22. A Wrinkle in Time by Madeleine L'Engle

23. Go Ask Alice by Anonymous

24. Fallen Angels by Walter Dean Myers

25. In the Night Kitchen by Maurice Sendak

26. The Stupids (Series) by Harry Allard

27. The Witches by Roald Dahl

28. The New Joy of Gay Sex by Charles Silverstein

29. Anastasia Krupnik (Series) by Lois Lowry

30. The Goats by Brock Cole

31. Kaffir Boy by Mark Mathabane

32. Blubber by Judy Blume

33. Killing Mr. Griffin by Lois Duncan

34. Halloween ABC by Eve Merriam

35. We All Fall Down by Robert Cormier

36. Final Exit by Derek Humphry

37. The Handmaid's Tale by Margaret Atwood

38. Julie of the Wolves by Jean Craighead George

39. The Bluest Eye by Toni Morrison

40. What's Happening to my Body? Book for Girls: A Growing-Up Guide for Parents & Daughters by Lynda Madaras (gah, that was a horrible experience LOL)

41. To Kill a Mockingbird by Harper Lee

42. Beloved by Toni Morrison

43. The Outsiders by S.E. Hinton

44. The Pigman by Paul Zindel

45. Bumps in the Night by Harry Allard

46. Deenie by Judy Blume

47. Flowers for Algernon by Daniel Keyes

48. Annie on my Mind by Nancy Garden

49. The Boy Who Lost His Face by Louis Sachar

50. Cross Your Fingers, Spit in Your Hat by Alvin Schwartz

51. A Light in the Attic by Shel Silverstein

52. Brave New World by Aldous Huxley

53. Sleeping Beauty Trilogy by A.N. Roquelaure (Anne Rice)

54. Asking About Sex and Growing Up by Joanna Cole

55. Cujo by Stephen King

56. James and the Giant Peach by Roald Dahl

57. The Anarchist Cookbook by William Powell

58. Boys and Sex by Wardell Pomeroy

59. Ordinary People by Judith Guest

60. American Psycho by Bret Easton Ellis

61. What's Happening to my Body? Book for Boys: A Growing-Up Guide for Parents & Sons by Lynda Madaras

62. Are You There, God? It's Me, Margaret by Judy Blume

63. Crazy Lady by Jane Conly

64. Athletic Shorts by Chris Crutcher

65. Fade by Robert Cormier

66. Guess What? by Mem Fox

67. The House of Spirits by Isabel Allende

68. The Face on the Milk Carton by Caroline Cooney

69. Slaughterhouse-Five by Kurt Vonnegut

70. Lord of the Flies by William Golding

71. Native Son by Richard Wright

72. Women on Top: How Real Life Has Changed Women's Fantasies by Nancy Friday

73. Curses, Hexes and Spells by Daniel Cohen

74. Jack by A.M. Homes

75. Bless Me, Ultima by Rudolfo A. Anaya

76. Where Did I Come From? by Peter Mayle

77. Carrie by Stephen King

78. Tiger Eyes by Judy Blume

79. On My Honor by Marion Dane Bauer

80. Arizona Kid by Ron Koertge

81. Family Secrets by Norma Klein

82. Mommy Laid An Egg by Babette Cole

83. The Dead Zone by Stephen King

84. The Adventures of Tom Sawyer by Mark Twain

85. Song of Solomon by Toni Morrison

86. Always Running by Luis Rodriguez

87. Private Parts by Howard Stern

88. Where's Waldo? by Martin Hanford

89. Summer of My German Soldier by Bette Greene

90. Little Black Sambo by Helen Bannerman

91. Pillars of the Earth by Ken Follett

92. Running Loose by Chris Crutcher

93. Sex Education by Jenny Davis

94. The Drowning of Stephen Jones by Bette Greene

95. Girls and Sex by Wardell Pomeroy

96. How to Eat Fried Worms by Thomas Rockwell

97. View from the Cherry Tree by Willo Davis Roberts

98. The Headless Cupid by Zilpha Keatley Snyder

99. The Terrorist by Caroline Cooney

100. Jump Ship to Freedom by James Lincoln Collier and Christopher Collier

Random thoughts about war

So I'm sitting here in a Guam attending a presentation on roaming and the speaker is for a regional provider in Saipan.  He's droning on about the area and the history of his company.  Its good to remember the details that make up the history of your company and country.  But in the middle of it he mentions that Saipan includes the smaller isle of Tinian where the Enola Gay took off on its historic flight.

It struck me that in that moment this businessman is celebrating an event that killed over 100,000 human beings in one firey instance on August 6th, 1945.  While I know this event probably saved many thousands of lives and ended a horrific war I still have a problem "celebrating" it.  This history needs to be remembered.  But I think it needs to be remembered for what it was, one of the saddest days of human history.

Despite 1000's of years of demonstrated proof we have not learned that killing people you don't agree with is not going to really solve the world's problems.  I believe in soldiers.  I believe the military can be nobel.  I believe you do have to fight sometimes to protect yourself.  But you should do it with tears in your heart.  Tears for a failure where no other course was possible where this son did not have to die.

I'm here on this trip with Atif.  A colleague and fellow engineer.  He is a devout Muslim and I think I respect him more than any human being I have ever met.  He is quiet and unimposing and a strong believer in peace.  He has taught me a great deal about the true way of Islam.  I am eternally grateful for this insight.  While any religion can be twisted away from its true purpose, I am filled with almost a shame that I have not learned as much about peace as this man.  These people we now fear and blame for our issue today--they are not the targets... they are not the responsible...  Yes the men that destroyed the World Trade Center called themselves Muslim, but even so how many did they kill?  And how many have we now killed?  And what kind of system of measure is this anyway where we must count the lives destroyed, the deep paralyzing sorrows dealt, and the children orphaned?

It is grim work ahead of us.  Grim, messy, bloody work.  We certainly can't just stop this war in Iraq... the lives sacrificed have been too costly.  We must learn and heal.  One side can not win.  We can only win together with these people.

Entry for August 29, 2006

Let the river run

Let all the dreamers

Wake the nation

Come, the New Jerusalem



Silver cities rise

The morning lights

The streets that lead them

And sirens call them on with a song



It's asking for the taking

Trembling, shaking

Oh, my heart is aching



We're coming to the edge

Running on the water

Coming through the fog

Your sons and daughters



We the great and small stand on a star

And blaze a trail of desire

Through the dark'ning dawn



It's asking for the taking

Come run with me now

The sky is the color of blue

You've never even seen

In the eyes of your lover



Oh, my heart is aching

We're coming to the edge

Running on the water

Coming through the fog

Your sons and daughters



It's asking for the taking

Trembling, shaking

Oh, my heart is aching

We're coming to the edge

Running on the water

Coming through the fog

Your sons and daughters



Let the river run

Let all the dreamers

Wake the nation

Come, the New Jerusalem





Good song... Let all the dreamers wake the nation... We the great and small... and sirens call them on with a song.



Today is a day where I am struck with the wonder of what life is.  Too easy I forget life in the sea of details that are ever present.  The mass of events that have transpired to deliver me to this spot, in this time.  The good, the bad, the miraculous, the abysmal... all together in me on August 29th in 2006.  If you were to examine your life compared to the billions out there, you'd probably be shocked at the odds of repeating your particular "common" life.



I don't have an answer to offer as to why--I just like to remember that I am.

Oceans of Fun

Just to exercise the power of the Internet I thought I'd write a few notes about my trip to Oceans of Fun yesterday.



Discounted price to get in: $21.95 per individual over 48" tall



Worlds of Fun and Oceans of Fun have determined that having cheaper admission for children is in fact not the reason to offer child and adult fare.  It must only related to how much of the park they can enjoy.  Thus a 10 year old butt takes up the same amount of room as a 40 year old butt so it's all full price.  And all these years the theaters have been confused.   The real admission is $25 per person.  You can get discount tickets at Price Chopper.  I personally think this is a joke.  Of course kids take up the same room, but the whole point is to help make it affordable for families.



Cost of parking: $8 cash only



Wtf? Is there option to come and not park? No? On top of the already stupid high admission?  Also, this is frigging 2006 folks put a damned credit card reader at the gate.   Cash only... my god why don't you just take goats and chickens at the door?



Bathrooms: Worse than a truckstop McDonalds



I can't say it any more plain.  There was actually excrement on the floor in the main men's locker room.  All the bathrooms stunk to high heaven.  Worse than any drive-in or dive bar I've ever been in.  Remember you've paid over $35 bucks to use these bathrooms...



Another thing about the locker rooms... the lockers--$8 bucks.  For $8 you get a locker the size of a man's lunch box.  You get $3 back when you return the key.



Food: Worse than a truckstop McDonalds



The staff was the most moronic group of kids I've ever seen puzzle over a register.  Fries overcooked, crunchy and cold.  Hotdogs, cold.  Hamburgers, flat mystery meat patties, cold.  One napkin dispenser.  Eating area disgusting and uncleaned (even during the lull).  $40 bucks for a chicken finger basket, two kid meals, a hamburger, two extra fries and 5 drinks.  For all that complexity the entire purchasing process took 15 to 20 minutes and we were the only folks there and there was 4 people working the booth.  4 Registers... one credit card machine... come on folks.  If you're going to charge thru the ass for food anyway, might as well take all forms of payment readily.



Rides: Excellent.



Thankfully, you don't come to the park for food or bathrooms.  The main attractions of the park were awesome.  The new Paradise Falls gizmo was a blast.  Bascially it's like a giant jungle gym with water.  Superb.



The wave people is still a big hit with Kansans.  The only thing I'll gripe about here is the damn lifeguards.  They must blow there whistle 6 times a minute.  "Don't stand" "No horseplay" "too short" "too tall" "too old" "too young" "too much fun" "don't run" "don't walk" "don't sit"... Mother effer! just put up a sign or something.  I found myself freaking out all the time wondering if could walk here or not or even be in the water.  They were doing a good job of keeping folks safe--thanks to them for that.



Gift Shop: Shockingly reasonable



After a day of price gouging I expected nothing less than complete fleecing at the gift shop.  It wasn't.  Goggle were $4, stuffed animals only $5.  Almost everything was less than $10 and only a few large items were $20 (big fluffy towels).  None of it was high quality, but hey that doesn't usually matter in the giftshop.



What I would do differently:

On the next visit I'll pack a cooler of food or plan to jaunt out to the truckstop McDonalds across the street.



I'll come in my swim suit and flip flops.  I'll drive home on my towel and skip the locker rooms altogether.  I'll also pee in the pool and use the truckstop McDonalds for going #2.



I'll spend virtually all day in the Paradise Falls.



Get there earlier and claim chairs.



The slides, wave pool and Paradise Falls saved the park.  The service may be the worst you've ever seen, but the water is fine.

The Wide Shot

The Wide Shot

*The following events may not be entirely factual.  They are colored by my memory and somewhat fabricated for effect…

On hot Chicago summer day the Dorsey’s gathered to celebrate the birthday of the eldest brother now some 60 years old.  This lofty age was historically rare in Dorsey men (so I was told), but in the modern era where jobs were a bit safer and medical science a little more advanced—if perhaps only financially more advanced—60 wasn’t rare nowadays.  Indeed, 60 is pretty spry. 

Irish families being what they are (especially Irish still living in Chicago) the main focus of the party wasn’t on the birthday of the eldest.  In truth his birthday had actually been the month previous, but it seemed a good excuse for the real focus—a family gathering, beer and a highly contested tournament of “bags.”

Being not Irish (nobody is perfect), I am still perfectly familiar with beer--probably not as familiar as my new in-laws, but conversant at least.  Regardless I wasn’t drinking at this particular party since I was attending with my wife who is both Irish and highly trained in beer.  Marrying in to the family has been surprisingly easy.  They are warm and welcoming to the various husbands and wives that join up.  In my case, being of more Bohemian descent, I think it was widely perceived that I married up.

Now you may not be familiar with the game of bags.  At first glance it looks like a simple toss game where you only have to toss your bean bag in to a hole in the top of a box.  I’ll admit the game didn’t sound particularly challenging even for a Bohemian.  Each box’s top is slanted with a 6” hole roughly in the middle.  I’m sure my new uncles could tell you the exact dimensions down to a quarter of an inch and the exact angle of the slant.

On this trip, I had the fortune of staying with one of the expert bag players, Uncle Bob himself.  While I stared at the tools of the game—four solid green bags, four bags colored as the Irish flag and two boxes—Bob was kind enough to explain the nuances of the game.  The two boxes are positioned opposite each other at roughly 30 feet.  Teams of two take turns throwing with one member of each time on each side.  Game play is very similar to the game of horseshoes.  Landing a bag on the box is worth one point and making a bag into the hole is worth three.  After tossing all the bags points are calculated.  The points offset such that if both teams score one point after tossing all bags then resulting score is a wash and both teams remain even.  One team must out score the other in a single volley to gain any team points.  After the explanation, Bob then invited me to play.

The game wasn’t as simple as it looked.  The bags often would land on the box only to slide off and with only four throws per turn you were just dialing in your accuracy when your turn was over.  Uncle Bob wasn’t on my team having instead invited his daughter, Katie, to play with me while Bob teamed with my wife.  I believe he did this specifically to annoy his daughter or it could have been her vehement refusal to be on his team.  While on the surface it seemed only a beginner’s game to teach a new member of the family, I quickly realized that it was simultaneously a chance for Bob to trounce Katie handicapped with a new player.  Throughout the match Uncle Bob clutched a bottle of guinness in one hand and tossed a wicked bag with the other.  I would like to point out here that while of course Bob is Irish he could also be considered “very Irish.”  I’ve rarely seen the man without a bottle of guinness.  It is a love born of generations and distilled in this man.  And let me tell you to be renown as a man who loves guinness in an Irish community is something like the Pope being renown for being Catholic.

The match progressed pretty much as may surmise.  Katie being quite athletic and no amateur at bags ran her old man until he was sweating and spouting short-winded insults.  But as the saying goes, “Youth and skill can not overcome age and treachery.”  Bob won out in one of the longest bag matches in memory—so I’m told.  Bob retired to more guinness and family conversation and I believe Katie took the opportunity to leave the party—probably to find more beer at another party.  I continued to play game after game of bags with any team needing an extra player.  But being new, beerless and unskilled, I mainly played with the children and watched the true masters of the game.

As the hot afternoon wore on I identified the four family masters of the game.  There was Uncle Tim who owned this set of bags and boards, Uncle Bob, Uncle Tom and Steve.  Tim, Bob and Tom were all younger brothers to the eldest Dorsey whose birthday we were celebrating and happens to be my father-in-law. 

Steve had, like me, married into family, only years before.  Steve was married to the youngest Dorsey daughter, Maureen and thus had a few years advantage on the brothers.  Steve is a fine gentleman while away from the bag playing-field.  But he is as slick as a used-car salesman during a match.  Generally speaking the Dorsey brothers together were unbeatable.  Steve was the wild-card and deadly bag shot.  He had spent nearly all the years since his marriage honing his bag skills—also training all three of his boys to be ringers.  Steve was also quite a showman.  He would frequently switch hands in match just to inflict the cruel “beat ya left-handed” parting shot.

After a full day of guinness and bag throwing the Daley’s versus the Dorsey’s became a heated bag engagement.  Contributing to the controversy was the partnership between Steve and Uncle Tom.  The Daley/Dorsey combination was a miracle of bag throwing.  Left or right handed the bags sailed in to holes scoring three pointers.  Uncle Tim and Uncle Bob decided to crush the upstart combo right now.

Uncle Tim is an imposing man easily the size of any 3 of his other brothers.  A champion of regulation bag play tournaments and owner of the set he had the home court advantage.  Uncle Bob had not the skill of Tim, but was one of the best at rattling his opponents with constant jibes about technique and rules.  Bob also had an uncanny knack for matching your throws bag for bag keeping the opposing team at bay until Tim could throw and win the game.  The synergy of the team was undeniable.

Uncle Tom was also a solid tosser and today he was hot.  The temptation to team up with Steve and potentially unseat his more surly brothers was irresistible.  All the factors were in place for an epic bag battle.  The excitement was palpable.  Uncle Bob even put down his bottle of guinness to focus on tossing.  He would, of course, return to it and his chair between turns.

Both teams began trading the typical jibes and challenges prior to starting the match.  Getting in the head of your opponent early was crucial and none was better than Uncle Bob.  The jibe continued as Bob/Tom side started their first throws.  The resulting score was a 3 point lead for Bob and Tim.  The jeering and skill was showing early domination.

Next Tim and Steve took turns return throws.  Tim threw first and immediately sank a ringer with an easy practiced arch.  Steve quickly followed with using his right-handed flat spin style.  The flat spin kept was theoretically better at keeping the bag from rolling off the box.  The exact advantage of this is still debated, but the technique used by Steve is regardless, highly accurate.  The bag fell through the hole without a sound—a “swisher.”  Tim was un-rattled and dropped a bag on the box near the hole but not going in.  After much hassling about the “good throw” Steve stepped up to toss.  Uncle Bob took the opportunity to stand by the box and psychologically work on Steve.

“I hear those boxes you use at home have 6 and half inch holes in ‘em, Steve.” He called out.

Claiming another man was using non-regulation bag equipment was similar to accusing him of faking his golf handicap, cheating at cards and using booster seats at restaurants.  Steve’s aim wavered and his throw fell on the box next to Tim’s bag.  Steve hid his scowl behind a smile.  “Just the kid’s boxes, Bob.” He replied.

Tim stepped up and arched another three pointer.  Steve stepped with a look of concern and focus.  In mid swing, Uncle Bob called out again.  “I can send Katie over to teach those boys how to throw if you’re having trouble with ‘em.”  Steve started to reply while throwing.  It was obvious what Bob was trying to do but Steve, defending the integrity of his boys as well as his own training couldn’t resist.  “Sure, Bob, I bet Katie would love to learn to how beat her old man from my boys.”  But the real damage the done.  The shot fell short of the hole, but remained on the box.  Steve and Tom were now down by two.

Laughing light-heartedly at his brother-in-law Tim’s machine-like skill faltered just a little.  His shot rolled on the box and off the back edge, but did knock his previous throw to the edge of the hole.  No point on this toss, but in order to catch up Steve would have to somehow sink a ringer without also knocking in Tim’s bag.  In fact it would be hard to hit the box at all and not inadvertently sink in the leaning bag.

“There ya go Stevie… go ahead and knock some more points in for us.”  Bob jeered with a smile.

Steve paused.  He sized up the hole carefully aiming his shot.  His eyes narrowed and pulled back for the throw.  I think I saw something in his eyes though.  At first I took it for the Zen mind that one must have to sink a bag in to a 6” inch opening that was half blocked from 30 feet away.  But what I witnessed was the most amazing shot I have ever witnessed.  In the history of bags no finer shot could ever have been tossed.

Steve released is classic flat spin throw, but something was wrong.  The shot was going to go long and be wide left—heading more or less straight for Bob.  Hitting a player with a bag wasn’t an unknown tactic in bags, but it was generally recognized for what it was—a desperate ploy to shake your opponent.  Uncle Bob had been hit with a large number of bags.  The “header” wasn’t likely to shake him.

Bob started laughing as the shot flew even wider left over his shoulder.  “You can’t even hit me ya tosser!” He quipped.  But as he sidestepped to watch the shot fall Bob’s expression changed.  The shot arrowed toward Bob’s chair and then like an assassin’s bullet knocked over his full bottle of guinness.  The bottle was a full 10 feet away from the target hole.  Steve dropped it on that beer like marksman.

Uncle Bob practically dived face-first to save the bottle.  Guinness foamed from the neck as it contents flowed in to the ground.  “You killed my BEER!” He bellowed.  Bob’s face was red with mock-horror.  The whole grounds erupted in laughter.  My stomach cramped up and tears sprung from my eyes.  Bob was hopping mad and chased Steve around the yard hucking bags at him as the younger man danced away.

Steve sacrificed those two points of that volley to completely destroy Bob’s composure.  He never recovered and the unbeatable pair fell to Steve and Uncle Tom.  I don’t even recall the final score, but it doesn’t matter.  Nothing will erase the sight of that wide shot decapitating Uncle Bob’s guinness and watching a grown man chase another down with hurled bean bags.  I’m sure the details will be debated at every family gathering that I have the good fortune to attend.

Advice for New and/or Old Husbands - Part II

Defend your wife even if she is wrong.

This is related to not always being Right.  Nobody is perfect, not even brillant husbands.  While we all acknowledge this we seem to only rarely practice it.  We are quick to point out flaws and mistakes.  Sometimes we feel obligated to fix or correct our wives.  Don't do it.  Try (and I mean really try) to do what it takes to make her successful without challenging the way she wants to do it.  I realize this may seem patronizing or just silly so I'm going to expand a bit--stay with me.

Being married is somewhat special and unique.  You're probably not engaged in a lot of relationships that are the same as the relationship you have with your wife.  This is more than just a partnership or an agreement.  This person is with you.  I mean *with* you.  The both of you are together.  The journey you take will be full of triumphs and mistakes.  When she is doing everything right and blazing a trail, you are right there with her celebrating and sharing her happiness.  So it follows that when she wrong you are still with her--not chiding or correcting, but with her.  Maybe what ever it is will fail, but she'll see that soon enough and she'll appreciate you more for trying to support her than for trying to parent her.

There is another fact of life to be considered--life is hard.  Our lives are filled with challenges.  There are people we don't like, but have to work with anyway.  There are politicians telling us how to live.  There are endless bureauracies telling us we used the wrong form or filed it incorrectly.  You wife will be told she is wrong by the whole rest of the world.  She doesn't need you to tell her too.  If there is one person in the whole world she doesn't need criticizing her, it is you.  Let the world be hard--don't be hard on your wife.

This isn't to say you can't voice your opinions or help out.  Obviously if you see that your wife's contraption she's using to get on the roof is about to collapse, then get in there and point out the danger.  But aside from issues of personal safety, stay on her side. 

Also remember that to her A + Yellow = C.  So while you might be quietly thinking she's wrong, she might turn out to be surprisingly right.  Give her the chance to prove it.  Your wife chose you after all.  Hopefully this was a good choice.  If it was, then odds are your wife is a pretty smart cookie.  If it turns out that she really is wrong, then she'll realize it soon enough.  If it turns out she's right, then you saved yourself from looking stupid.  There's no downside to supporting your wife right or wrong.

Advice for New and/or Old Husbands - Part I

There are few things I've observed over the years that I think all new husbands should be aware of.  Women often think differently about things and I don't think I (or any other man) will ever truly understand the women we live with, but you can still just stick to some simple rules to stay happier in your relationship.

Logic is not the only way to think.

Most men are logic thinkers.  A+B always equals C.  If A is an unproven argument then the conclussion C is not valid.  This is great in the business world, but it is never going to work in a personal relationship.  Logic thinking is very comfortable to men.  When we encounter a problem, whether it be "how do I  get across the river" or "why is my wife crying", we tend to fall back to our good buddy Logic to assess the problem, design a solution and implement the solution.  Unfortunately, your wife is not a Rubik's Cube--which is a good thing because I can't figure those out either.

The human being is a fantastic creature, both male and female.  For whatever reason, the Grand Design of life allows for great diversity.  So fella's open your heads and let go of Logic.  It works when it works, but it isn't the only right way to think.  Your wife will do something like this... A + Yellow equals C.  You will have no idea where she came up with Yellow.  She probably won't either.  Now "C" will be the same "C" you got by A+B, but she won't get there the same way.  A+ Yellow = C is still completely valid even if you don't understand how she got there.  You aren't "more right" because you can prove your arguments--Logic isn't superior in this example.

Often there is more than one "right" answer to any question.  When dealing with your life partner on an issue, you have to question whether your "right answer" is worth hurting her feelings.  This is true of all personal conflicts, not just husbands and wives and not just men and women.  Men often get caught up in being Right.  It isn't enough to just get our way--we have to be Right.  We always have to be Right, decisive and confident.  It's just a guy thing.  But when it comes to your wife, guys, let it go.  A happy wife is much more valuable than proving yourself Right and crushing her spirit.  Again, there is more than one correct solution to any problem (short of mathematics).  This doesn't mean you never get to be Right, just be careful that you don't make being Right more important than being married.

To summarize, don't use Logic on your wife or, at least, when you do and it doesn't work, don't assume she's wrong and you can prove it.  Women generally have very high opinions of the men they love and when those men prove them wrong or quash their opinions it really hurts their feelings.  There have been times in my life where I *knew* something was right.  I couldn't prove it, but I felt it and as it turned out my hunch was correct.  I bet we all have had some similar experience.  Think of this as how your wife works.  She *knows* something.  She isn't sure why or how and she can't prove it, but more often than not she'll be correct.  Trust her.

More fun in the Putty Knife factory

Hiya!



While there are several major events going on around me, life isn't all that changed.  I just figured I'd drop in a new blog for grins.



We're planning to go to Nebraska this weekend for the Camp Creek Threshers Bee.  Basically, this is big antique tractor show with live demonstrations.  It's only planned on the hottest day of the year in a big treeless field.  But, if you can stand the heat, it is a lot of home town fun.  They have all the usual fair food like funnel cakes, corn dogs and old fashion lemonade.  Plus watching the giant steam tractors is amazing.  For those that don't know... tractors were first developed as steam engines makeing rough the size of a locomotive.  The rest of the show focuses on the steam powered era.  Again, amazing to see how we used to do thing at the dawn of the industrial revolution.  Here's a link...



http://www.ccthreshers.org/



Work is busy with multiple testing schedules and new data partners to work with.  You'd be surprised at how different "standard" implementations can be...  Work is work... I still don't like it.  I have some silly idea that maybe I could make money at writing.  But it just doesn't seem possible that I could make money at it.  After all you have be learned for that, right?  Dunno... may have to give it a shot in my spare time.



World of Warcraft continues to be the most played game in my list.  While the game is huge and comprehensive... I'm getting less enjoyment from it.  It's a nice time-filler, but not as "new" anymore.  I have 3 characters at maximum level on a player-versus-player server (the most challenging environment) so the challenge is dropping.  Blizzard is pushing out more content, but all most all of it is aimed at huge 40 player groups... Something I rarely have time for.  But still it's the best way to hang out with the guys in Nebraska even tho I'm in Kansas.



I bought tickets for the T-Bones AAA baseball game on the 22nd.  My folks will be coming down and we'll have all the kids that weekend and the following week.  I'll have to work... but at least I'll get to see them after.



On the "not fun" list is more financial mediation with the ex about child support and more "discussion" about when I'll get to see them in August.  Since the ex moved 45 minutes away it's been really hard to see my two.  I can't quite describe how totally unfair the whole thing is.  Mostly I just try to do the best I can to see them, but when the school year starts it will be even harder.  I miss them all the time already.  I have hard time understanding why I would be given these two great children and love them so much and then have them kept away so much.  Thank God for my wife and Gabe.  I'd go crazy if I didn't have them.



Amy is doing well/struggling with her night classes.  But I keep telling her "any forward progress is good progress".  It may take a while to get through the program she's in, but like all highly skilled careers, you just have to keep putting in time to gain experience.  She should finish her BA this Fall and then complete here translator program in the 2-3 years following.



We both are working on finding some way to excercise more and get back to our svelt forms.  I know (that for me) I just have to start doing it instead of thinking about it.  Of course tomorrow always seems like the better day to start.



The power company sent us a promotion to have a free programmable thermostat installed.  I thought that was a great deal.  Our house has your standard old dial model.  Of course the programmable part doesn't do us quite as much good since Amy and Gabe are in the house most of the day (so you can't turn things down during the day like they expect), but nice to have just the same.



That is most of the news from Curt-Land...

Do it for her

When the day is hard
When there seems no end

Do it for her...

When life is a stuggle
When there are few reasons

Do it for her...

When you are down
When it seems impossible to get up

Do it for her...

When old friends leave
When family is far away

Do it for her...

When nothing makes sense
When you need faith

Do it for her...

When all the doors seem shut
When you wonder if your dreams will come true

Do it for her.

Just Chillin' on Vacation

Just a little project we did on vacation.  I also have a new friendship bracelet from my daughter. 

We haven't been doing much, just hanging around the home town and doing the fun things we never seem to quite get to do.

Theory of Cosmic Evolution

Being from Kansas issues about Evolution are commonly on my mind.  Not because I really have any doubts that evolution works or that statements like "God put the dinosaur fossils in the earth to test our faith" to be absurd... But mostly because its facinating.  On one level it obvious that the creatures of the Earth of closely related and yet on another level the mechanic of evolution (slight variations over millions of years) seems not quite right.  I don't have the answer, but I do have a concept...  The condition of DNA replication is the lifeform itself not the individual species that use it.



All living things on this planet have DNA and cellular structure that replicates to create larger organism with traits and abilities... DNA is therefore highly adaptable.  Inside DNA is all the complexity of all life.  The codes to everything are contained within.  DNA itself is a mechanism to create our type of life.  DNA can survive in a multitude of forms.



I imagine then that the whole Earth is common DNA organism of many parts and the instict to survive goes beyond each species but to the whole survival of DNA.  For as long as there is a single replicating strand... life could conceivable repopulate an entire planet.  Perhaps someday our planet will be smashed by rock large enough to shatter the world and piece of our world will spin off to then someday smash in to another warm rock.  Will then we seed that world with our bacteria? Will that world grow to be not too much different than ours?  Maybe it will be dogs that develop large brains and opposable thumbs, but regards our DNA will spread and follow similar design criteria...  Maybe our world was seeded in the same way... and there are other planets out there with DNA based development.  They will be grandly different, but I bet we will be shocked at the similarities.

Haunted (fiction)

She comes to me in this place.  On cold, gray days when the stone seems to absorb the heat of a touch she comes to sit next to me.  Even though I long for the touch, her hands are cold.  Her body pressed next to me on the stone bench provides only a chill.  But my heart leaps with boundless joy.  She's come back to me.  She's come back. 

I can almost make out her outline, but she disappears when I look right at her.  At the edge of my vision I can make out indistinct outlines of red curls and blue eyes.  Her body is silhouetted in something white and flowing.  She looks at me.  She always looks at me.  In her presence I remember everything so clearly.  I become an old man laughing at nothing—muttering replies to unspoken questions.  I don’t care.

The wind blows making my eyes tear.  Though the blurred tears she almost comes in to focus and I can see her face, but only for a moment and she’s gone again.  Her touch seems to ignore the many layers of warm clothing I always wear when I visit.  She waits so long to show.  My joints ache and my heat is nearly drained away as if my very life is needed to summon her.  Sometimes she doesn’t come.  When the sun sinks below the trees I can’t stay any longer.  It’s a struggle to stand—to stagger back to the world of the living.  Crying from the wind or remorse or the pain… or the loss.

Her presence never wavers when she does come.  We talk in our way until the sun sets.  I try to stay longer, but I’m too weak.  I can’t stand the painful cold.  I think she understands.  When I stand to go she remains sitting.  She watches me as I walk away.  Even as I leave the cemetery behind I can see her sitting there.  I always leave behind the flowers I bring.  They are always gone when I return.

I know she wants me to stay.  I know someday I will. 

Ray Charles

Hey I know it's cheesy to see a movie and then be all like "this is so cool" but I am...



I saw Ray about 2 weeks ago and it was so good I went out and bought some Ray Charles music (not the soundtrack by the way).  Perhaps not surprising, it is amazing.  Ray is a little out of my generation, but it is damn good music.



So if you're out there impulsing buying the latest Jessica Simpson "Look at my giant Knockers" CD, consider a little Ray Charles soul too.  It will probably last longer.

A note from my daughter

I could not love you more Dad.  I Love you to micro pieces I Love you, full bag of Love! to : Dad

A brief theory of Time

If we think of all Time as an ocean where all "moments" are like individual water molecules, then living any moment (any *possible* moment) is only a matter of putting yourself physically in the right place of the time ocean.  Each adjoining moment is related to other so by hopping from related moment to the next you create line the forms what we individually perceive as a time line.  Exactly which moment we jump to is mostly likely defined by probability.  Like a current of electrons flowing in a large conductive media we flow through the time ocean.  Our perception is of where we've been and vague idea about where we're going--a line.

Now the number of possible paths is infinite (or so large as to be nearly infinite).  Do we each have out own lines?  Is my past unique to the path I took and no other consciousness has followed me here?  Or has an infinite number of "me's" followed me to this point and now we're all branching off in the many possible directions?  Or does this universe blaze a trail through the ocean that we all share in?  With perhaps many other universes doing the same?

If I could go back and find the exact time ocean moment of my conception and prevent it, I could conceivable have no impact at all, for what I have more likely done is jump to a different moment where I was not conceived.  However, in the great time ocean I am still born somewhere... and so I can be in a moment where I don't exist.  Interesting...

So to follow this analogy a further, time flows like a current.  What induces Time Current?  If time itself conforms to some of the conventions of Matter, then perhaps there is "time gravity" and "time attraction".  Perhaps them certain possibilities in the time ocean are more nodal than others... perhaps they force many currents to them, making them difficult to undo.  In this definition they truly could not be undone... but only "not experienced" to that observer...  which isn't quite right.  If I placed myself in to a moment where I did not exist I would not have made my personal experience unobserved... I would have still seen it in the other moments.  But the moment I was in would be without my past influences...  The "Wonderful Life" syndrome.

An interesting side effect of this could be everlasting life... hehe... What others perceive as my death may only be their observation in their own moment... I exist in a multitude of other moments.  In fact I am dead and/or dying in a multitude (perhaps an infinite number) of other moments right now.  However, my observation goes on in others.

The Garden of Eden

I was pondering the other day and thought I'd capture the ponderance...



I was thinking about the Garden of Eden and if death occurred there.  I find it hard to believe that all of creation was undying and everlasting prior to Adam and Eve mucking it up.  And even if it were, why punish all of creation just because of a couple of dumb humans?  So my premise is that nature was as it is today in the Garden of Eden... the natural order of renewal and death already established and that Adam and Eve were a part of it.



So what really happened with the Tree of Knowledge?  It couldn't have just been about sex--at least not entirely.  What I thought of in my ponderance wasn't carnal knowledge but simply the knowledge of life and death.  Prior to this awareness, Adam & Eve only knew that life "was" and that the Sun rose and set.  Living in complete harmony in a system designed to be perpetual.  Certainly the cycle of life went on all around them.  Perhaps God kept them from being part of the food chain, perhaps not.  Is the deer constantly fearful of being eaten by the lion?  Or does it just *live* in its moment of food, sleep, mating and raising offspring.  The moment of death would be fearful for certain, but is the deer aware of this?  Is not knowing something of a blessing?



To follow this thought to the end, I would think that the Tree of Knowledge made Adam and Eve aware of the cycle and then somehow made them seem not a part of it.  The very thoughts we have of being external to nature and not part of the cycle are our gated buttresses keeping us out of the Garden today... I think the knowledge Adam and Eve discovered was self awareness and the perception of our own deaths.

My Anniversary

Today is my 3 year anniversary... and this is something I wrote...



There is nothing compared to the beauty of the stars above

nothing compared to the heat of the fire within

They dance and shine with the light of love

They glow with passion for the hopelessly smitten



Often when my heart is low and full of doubts

When demons circle and darkness looms

I remember her in our home and out

I picture her and my spirit blooms



She is so much to me

She is all of my life

More than I can be

My Wife

Summary of Easter

I just wanted an excuse to post this compromising photo of my mother-in-law.  Yes that is a big ol' blue bottle of wine.  We do live in Kansas after all.

Easter at grandma's was fabulous.  Great family, great food, great kids, great loot.  In no particular order.  While the whole weekend had it's ups and downs, I still had a good time.

I've been voraciously consuming data on opening my own business.  I'm considering a franchise outlet.  I may be crazy, but anything is better than what I've got going on now.  Since I seem to love to play games and folks always say "do what you love" I'm going to try to do it.  I'll give y'all more later.

Random Stuff

Yesterday and today have been pretty good. I'm between project phases at work and that makes everything a lot easier. The little road trip was really good even if it was a sad event. The weather is turning here and everything is in bloom. Amy has a big test today, but after that we should cruize in to a smooth weekend with the kids.



I've been jonesin' to play some d20 Modern lately. I have a swirl of ideas I'd like to play out. Guns, angels, and werewolves... oh my.



Friday is tax return day. Gotta love that.



Got in to a 30-man raid in World of Warcraft last night. It was alright, the group I was with had a bit of a whacked loot method that left me with nothing... Sucks to get in to a 30-man and not get a single drop. But it was a fun to play in a new instance. I have 2 characters at 60th level, one has pretty crummy kit, the other has passible kit. I have another character at 52 that I've been working on building up in my spare game time.



I'm not sure what I'll do this weekend. Probably do stuff around the house. We've made some slow progress at finishing it. Seeing the new stuff go up is pretty cool.



Hey, life is pretty good. Things change all the time. Its hard to remember to look forward to the happy unexpected things. Too easy to get down in the crummy things.



I had some insights in to time again... Obviously we perceive time in a linear fashion, but what if we didn't. Imagine time as an immense ocean that you could swim in... up, down, side to side... The concept of past and future would disappear. Think of what that would mean... no concept of "past". All the events you remember would just be different spots in the ocean... perhaps even all event at once. This creates the closest approximation of "forever" I can really hold in my head. There are no beginnings or endings. For some reason our consciousness holds on to the thread of time thru the ocean of possibilites. If we could but learn to swim...

My friend Chris McDermott

As serendipity would have it, one of my aunt's died on the 7th.  Her name was Christine McDermott.  She was an aunt on my wife's side and I only stayed with her a few days last year.  Our family went down to celebrate the wedding of Chris's daughter and she graciously invited us to stay in their home.  She made us welcome, which was no small thing to invite a family of 5 to stay with you while you held your daughter's wedding.  We had a great time, I got to meet all the family in Chicago.  Chris and her husband Charlie made that happen for me.  I'll always be grateful.



My wife's family is a very strong Irish Catholic clan mostly in Chicago.  It's a large family--closely bonded, fiercely loyal.  They are amazing.  I can hardly comprehend my good fortune to be part of such a group.



We drove to Chicago and back to attend.  So it's been a full 4 days for us.  The emotional journey of a funeral is too complex to relate in a short note.  But over all the strength of family shown through.  Although it was the saddest of occassions it was a good trip.

Whiteoak Hero Day

A long time ago.  In a land far, far away...



There was a band of brothers and sisters known as Clan Whiteoak.  Together they shared many adventures and discoveries.  While time and distance have faded these events in to fables and legends we still hold this day, 4/7, as the day of rememberance for our Heroes.



So Huzzah! to our legends, to our friendship, to our families, to those still with us and those that have been lost.  Honor to you all and may our House live forever. *toast*



I love you all.

Entry for March 30, 2006

Not a whole lot going on out of the ordinary.



I did just buy a new 42" flat screen TV from Sam's Club.  The TV I had just didn't work well in my living room.  We don't have an entertainment center and just had the TV sitting on a shelf next to our fireplace.  Well it didn't work very well so we got a flat screen for over the fireplace.



A influx of bonus and tax return has replenished our home repair budget.  So we'll be shopping around.  I think we need a new couch, new patio door and a new garage door opener (old one broke).  Plus a few other items... always something.  Might want to get our masterbath shower fixed too.  Been broke since we moved in.



I've been looking for a new job or a new position inside my company.  Haven't found anything yet.  I suppose I won't be realy happy until I win the lottery.



Kids are good.  Wife is good.  Cat is good.  My folks are coming down for the weekend (good).  I think I shall enjoy the slight lull.

Muslims & Islam

Part of an ongoing text conversation I've been having.  The topic is "Why Americans have trouble understanding Islam."  The most recent occurance being a NPR show with a Muslim interviewee.

***

Not sure how you got to that point. I only said you can't make comparisons to western culture to explain islamic culture. Personally, I think your NPR interviewee was wrong. I've never talked to a current muslim who explained their religion was undergoing a big change. In fact, most real muslims I've talked to claim that the unchanging nature of islam is its strength. The "rules" now are the same as when they were written.

As almost anything religious, the devil is in the details. When God said, "Thou shall not covet thy neighbor's wife", what exactly did he/she mean? Should I not look at her? Not sleep with her? Not be nice to her? Not talk to her? Pretend she isn't pretty? etc? How you choose to handle this rule is largely a matter of personal interpretation. We often see the most extreme examples of muslim culture portrayed. The Qu'ran only has one version, muslims are very proud of this. But it is still subject to personal interpretation. The rule for women is "Be chaste" and is followed by a *suggestion* to cover yourself. Many muslims interpret this literally and where the Ajab (sp?). But many do not--realizing that the important part was to remain chaste.

If I were to place my finger on the single biggest difference between muslim and christian faith, I would pick Heaven. For the muslim *everything* in this life is done only to improve your life in the hereafter. All of this world is a test you must pass to enjoy eternity in Heaven. While Christians believe you have to live a good life to get to Heaven, they don't often believe that all of this life must be spent earning your way in and improving your standing. This allows muslims to live in the greatests of hardships, for they firmly believe that they will be rewarded. Muslims practically have a point system for good deeds and they keep track. Christians tend to feel that if they've basically not been an ass their whole life and they have Jesus, then it's all good and a ubiquitous Heaven awaits.

Now I only know about a dozen or so muslims and all of them live in the US. So all I have is my personal experience. I tend to believe my personal experience over nearly everything I see in the media. NPR is a good source though. I wouldn't be surprised to find out that the more modern interpretations of muslim faith are changing its world culture somewhat. I have to admit, though, that I admire the faith of the muslims I've met. They are some of the most charitable and kind people I've known, even in a country that takes little consideration for them, they remain positive and upbeat about the US and fellow Americans. Freedom truly is great. I hope we manage to get through all this hardship without blaming Islam or all muslims.

***
That was my reply anyways...  I wanted to say a little be more about Islam from what I've learned.

The Qu'ran is written entirely in Arabic officially.  It is a great accomplishment to memorize the book from cover to cover in Arabic.  Many muslim children do this by the age of 8--most of them do not speak Arabic.  Because memorization of the Qu'ran is so important, the Arabic version is generally considered the only true version.

Muslims strive to provide gladness to hearts of all people.

Muslims see every day as another chance to improve their standing with God.  In general they seek to do at least a few things everyday specifically to honor God and be a good person--if not *everything* in a day.

Muslims avoid alcohol and unlawful fornication as two of the greatest sins.  The extreme measures they go to avoid it have more to do with human nature than religion.  They know being in a bar with friends is a temptation, they prefer to avoid even the temptations for sin and will often decline.  Most muslims recognize individual interpretations of how best to avoid sins inside Islam and respect other religious views about it.

Muslims appreciate freedom of choice as much as we do.

Muslims trust in God in all things.  They also often give thanks to God.

Some Muslims allow their parents to choose a spouse for them.  They trust and respect their parents and God to give them a good spouse.  They do still allow divorce, but most do not not personaly choose it.  They also believe in divorcing with honor.

In the Qu'ran, Allah first warns men to be chaste by guarding their eyes and then warns women.  Most Muslims believe in the laws of Islam because they recognize the weaknesses of being human and they attempt to avoid all temptations.

Ramblings...

Things are going a bit better.  I'm still swamped at work and I still have more going on at home that I'd like (mediation, kid stuff, keep up, etc), but I dunno, feels better.  Maybe it's Spring.  Of course my hayfever is kicking in horribly.  But then I think I get a sort of Zen from constantly sneezing as you can't really think of anything else while you're sneezing.  I can sneeze for a good solid 15 minutes non-stop.  That's a work out unto itself.

Even so I look forward to Spring and Summer.  Winter here is so meh.  It's not really cold and it's not really nice.  I'd rather have one or the other.  But sort of constant gray and chill isn't all that special most days.  It does have its moments.

A couple of weekends ago the wife and I got away for no reason other than to just be out driving and no place to go.  We went to Abiliene and Salina.  No reason... just a random small town to visit.  But the drive was pretty.  At some moments it wasn't hard to imagine Kansas as it used be a couple hundred years ago.  There seemed to be a kind magic at work in someplaces that just kept those locations from aging.

In two weeks my wife goes in for gallbladder surgery.  While considered minor nowadays, it's still worrisome.  A week later I have a business trip to Cabo St. Lucas in Mexico.

I really had no idea where Cabo was when I signed up, really I didn't.  As it turns out, Cabo is on the extreme southern tip of the Baha penisula.  Which puts farther south than the tip of Texas by a couple hundred miles.  It looks like a paradise from the hotel ads.  But I've often discovered that vacation spots are an uncomfortable mix of excess and poverty rolled together.  Still, it's someplace new and it's by the sea.  I love watching the sea.