No longer employed (sort of)

I've worked my last day at Sprint. I am technically on vacation until Jan 2nd. After this I will be unemployed for exactly 12 days until I start with Telecom.

The relocation company has been contracted to complete packing our home by Jan 7th. Our flights leave at 2:54 PM on Jan 8th. We will arrive in Wellington about 9:30 AM Thursday Jan 10th. That will be about 4:00 PM Jan 9th to y'all here in the States.

I have booked a 2 bedroom "service apartement" in downtown Wellington through the 31st. I would book longer but there is some crazy rugby tournement and all of Wellington is booked in Feb so we are "winging it". We will get two 23kg bags each and the rest will be on the 2 month boat ride to Wellington. Pretty crazy, huh?

Very bizarre indeed. Meanwhile... Sprint has selected its 3rd CEO in 3 years, the Lakota nation declared its independence from the US, thousands of US prisoners are being detained in and outside the US without warrants or due process, the dollar is falling sharply and they've decided we need 1700 mile wall to keep out Mexico. A good time for a vacation I think.

Merry Christmas!

New Zealand Immigrants

As most of you already know, but I'll update here anyway, we have been fully approved to immigrate to New Zealand. The final word came back around Dec 7th so about 6 weeks after we applied. That was a long 6 weeks.

Now that the paperwork is over it's all easy.

HAHHAHAHAHAH!

Just had to do that... Noooo, now we get to really move. "Relocation consultants" arrive on Friday to provide estimations. We were given the NZ customs requirement (OMG). Those will be fun to live by. There some other details still hanging out there... like we haven't "officially" sold our house... we still need to sell our two cars... oh and I think it's Christmas... maybe I should do something for that...

I've turn in my notice at work. This is my last week. There is a going away thing/lunch on Dec 17th. And then quite possibly I will never see any of them ever again... I don't plan to move back to Kansas City. But anything could happen. While I never enjoyed the corporate culture, there are many people I really enjoyed working with and knowing. Many are helping me now in this move. I find myself unexpectedly sad to leave. Not in any regretful way, but just that wistful way we all wish there were no downsides to anything.

New Zealand Update

Well all the medical checks, xrays, FBI checks, birth certificates and paperwork is done. We sent the package to the New Zealand Embassy in Washington DC. Feels weird to send stuff to an embassy! Silly little thing I know, but seems so official.

The embassy says they'll look at the application next week. We're hoping for a pretty quick turn around just to have the step completed. They we can focus on the next steps... House and Packing...

Wife has been sick for a week. The youngest 2 kiddos are great. Oldest is having some school issues. Cat is great.

Parenting gone Wild

Have you ever gotten a simple question from the kiddo that just ended up going completely wrong in the answer? Somewhere on the way to explaining politics or religion you end up suddenly talking about penis's?

My wife, bless her truthful earnest heart, has recently walked in to the most amazing verbal mine fields I have ever witnessed...

Fatal Knee Surgery

Some family friends probably 1 or 2 circles removed from us recently had the most awful luck with simple knee surgery where through a bizarre chain of mistakes she ended up in a coma and is now pretty lucky to be alive and even now is not out of the woods with recovery. A scarey reminder that all surgery is surgery and can be risky. But of course the reality of statistics is hard to convey to a 7 year old... They don't really play the odds. So when my wife casually mentioned that her knees hurt a lot and some day she'd probably need surgery the first thing our boy said was "That's okay momma, nothing goes wrong in the hospital." To which my wife felt obligated to honestly reply, "Oh no, sometimes things go wrong..." and proceeded to tell the tragic story of folks we knew. Now this was right at bedtime... and immediately I see where this train wreck is heading... MOMMA IS GOING TO DIE FROM KNEE SURGERY. I start giving the "oh please stop" signal to Amy who is apparently convinced I am only shewing a fly... and I can see the 7 year old panic set in. Where finally Amy sees where this is going and tries to wrap up "so she may die... but nothing would ever happen to Mommy."

In case you wondered... Don't tell your kids that mom is going go die from knee surgery... hehehe.

Boy Scouts

Well as you may have read, the Boy Scouts are publicly stating they don't want to have gay scout leaders... something about pedaphiles and all that. Of course any person who knows gay men or women also knows that "gay"means you like the same sex... not sex with children. So the notion is pretty foolish, but religion and politics rarely make sense. So when the boy announced that the Boy Scouts were forming up in school and he wanted to join... again my wife was there to field the questions. So after about 45 minutes I go to check in on the conversation to catch my very confused and flustered wife saying "... and so we just don't let other people touch our penis's..." I just giggled and walked away. Interestingly enough Amy tried to relate her dilemma to another Mom who simply said "We just told our boys that the Boy Scouts don't believe in the same things we do and we were not going to support them."

The Risen Christ

My favorite story... For a time, due to the extreme shortfalls of the public school system, we considered a private school. Well the only private school around was a Catholic school. So we thought we better start talking more about Jesus and the ideology of the Catholic church and what we believed and what we didn't and why we'd send the boy to a Catholic school without being Catholic.

Some of the conversations went rather well if a little humorous. When we told him that Moses talked to God as a burning bush the kid fell over laughing. We had to explain that Catholic people typically don't react well to bursts of laughter over momentous religious events... hehe... even if it is pretty funny.

But again at bed time, the perplexing question of Jesus came up. Nobly, my wife tried to jump in to the theory of Jesus and the whole new testament in about 10 minutes... at bed time... "So Christ was killed by the Romans and then was put in his grave for 3 days where he rose from the dead and spoke to his diciples about heaven." Throughout the story the small 7 year old boy is looking more and more distressed and the wife is somewhat confused about why this story of salvation and life isn't having the calm effect she expected. Finally at the conclusion the boy bursts out crying... "Jesus is a zombie raised from the dead and he's still walking the Earth looking over us!" Much re-disscussion was necessary...

I'm hoping the therapy bills will be covered by insurance...

General Update

Hello friends, admirers, family and random guests... KC is finally beautiful. We're hitting a high of 67 today which is just about perfect for me. I am most pleased as I think this is exactly what I imagine the weather to be in Wellington virtually every day.

Today is Wednesday and that meant there was a staff meeting this morning... woo. Last weekend I had the extra kiddos and we mostly played around the house. We packed up all their clothes to send home with their mom. We decided we will start purging our regular stuff in preparation for our move. While it was just a few clothes, it was really one of the first real actions we have taken to leave. And so it really begins... We will now really start getting rid of things we won't move and making all those permanent decisions that will lead up to our move in January.

This list seems pretty endless. But the most important detail is the completion of our immigration paperwork. That secures my offer and make the whole shabang very real. So we have all the forms and most of them filled out. It turns out we'll need to apply for a "Talent visa" with TNZ as an "Accreditted Employer" to get approval in 10 days. I have to be approved by November 1st to accept the offer. So that's the big deal now.

Chandler's birthday is tomorrow. He'll be 10. I can hardly believe it. For some reason, for many weeks now I have been remembering the moment of his birth over and over. I remember the way he looked and carrying him in to the weigh room. He didn't look like a newborn at all. He was 9 pounds after all. He looked like a normal baby. Probably the most perfect baby I'd ever seen. 10 years... There is so much I'd like to explain to him. But even at 10 he's still just a kid. There is no way I could tell him how that day felt. No way to begin to describe all the feelings I've had watching him grow up. How I feel even right now would be hard to explain another adult. This makes me think of my own folks and how for years they must have felt the same inexpressable feelings. I bet they just looked down and thought the same thing... someday you'll know. And I do... I know now. 37 mom... Sorry it took so long!

Chandler shares his birthday with my mother-in-law and one of Amy's aunts. So while he celebrates at his house, we'll be in Lawrence celebrating with Amy's folks. But Chandler won't miss out. Sabrina's birthday is the 20th and we'll have them that weekend for a double birthday event.

Gabe's big event is Halloween. I think he ranked it as his favorite holiday even before Christmas. We picked out a good ninja costume after much deliberation. I came through with an awesome one-handle cickle that has a secret dagger. Sure to be all the rage with the stylish ninjas.

The ever beautiful and desirable, Amy is doing very well and helping out with all the immigration stuff. She and Gabe are both immediately granted access once I am. Amy will be able to seek employment anywhere in NZ. Which we will need. I will be paying taxes in both countries and with the exchange rate we'll be living on a little bit less income. We are hoping to be able to skip owning cars and cheaper over all healthcare. Even so, a whole new 2nd income would rock!

That's about all the news that is news... cya around!

Seoul Day 2

Okay... so Seoul is the dirtiest city I have ever seen. It is the most densely populated, most traffic congested, most smoggy, most smelly city I have ever experienced. If it were not for the polution and actual garbage everywhere it would be beautiful. From inside the very (very) expensive hotel the views are amazing. I think the local food would be pretty unique, if I wasn't mostly terrified of leaving the hotel. The surrounding neighborhoods are very maze like. The city is spread over steep low mountains so a gentle stroll is quite impossible. Intensely areobic near verticle walking abounds...

English is definitely a challenge here. Even folks that are expected to work with the international public do not speak it well. Expect to do a lot of pointing, smiling and nodding. That is about all the communication you should expect.

Every man, woman and child has a cell phone. I swear to God. I think they must give you one at birth or something. Samsung is based out of Korea apparently. This may have something to do with it.

Despite language challenges, everyone so far has be very friendly (when they are not totally confused). Cab drivers do not seem to know how to get to places... and I don't blame them. The city is huge! It easily sprawls as far and wide as Dallas/Ft Worth only it is 5 times as populated. Massive apartment buildings are everywhere. A typical complex will have 10 high rise buildings of at least 20 stories if not 30 or more. They don't look spacious. Closet sized shops line every street. From small grocery stores to tailors. It is like "china town" covers the whole city. Which is not really surprise since it is almost in China, but I haven't seen anything like a Western mall or district.

Cya on Day 3... g'night.

Seoul Traveler

So I'm in Seoul... South Korea. For various non-interesting reasons, I have a conference here. But was is always interesting to me is the actual act of travelling. I only had 2 flights, the first one to Atlanta and the second from Atlanta to Seoul via the North Pole (I think).

The Atlanta flight was pretty interesting as I had the opportunity to sit next to a US soldier in full uniform. Not wanting to assume that he was going back to Iraq I started some light conversation. But as it turns out he was heading back. I've always respected soldiers. Whether it is right or wrong to use such force, I can not deny the admiration I have for their bravery and willingness to do what I would not do myself--or at least, I have choosen not to do. Put me in a room with a gun and several men out to kill my family and I'm sure I give one them a bad limp and another would be missing an eye. I don't know much about soldiers or what it takes to be one. It was good to talk with this man and hear what he has seen and why he does what he does. As it turns out it was a Colonel responsible for security is Southern Bagdad. I had to ask all my questions. There could be no better source in my circle to get first hand information without the CNN slant.

Surprisingly he felt they were "winning" in Iraq. I had expected to hear the opposite. He did complain about the lack of resources early on hampering their efforts, but felt they were really making progress now. He sited an order of magnitude reduction in violent incidents in his sector (the size of San Francisco). Plus he was gaining more trust from the Iraqi people. This I found particularly facinating. A very large percentage of his time is spent helping rebuild schools, power, sewage and other infrastructure. While we routinely hear about every checkpoint bombing, it was good to hear what the Army is doing at such great costs. Its hard to say if all the loss of life is worth it, but at least it is doing something. I was also surprised to hear how much he desired to negotiate with the "terrorists" in the area. His goal was to get them to stop shooting and start talking... This man.. a soldier, not a statesmen... is trying to work toward peace. He does not have the full diplomatic backing of the State Department, he's doing it on his own. He said his whole unit is behind him, that his men in most cases believe as strongly as he does that they are doing the right thing--a thing that should be done. Maybe it is easy to dismiss the opinions of one soldier. But I have never found a soldier that lied about they way he felt about the situation he was in. Regardless... I'm glad I got to talk to him. I feel better about my own ideas and much more confident in the information I recieved that what I've seen on the news.

The 2nd leg of the flight was 15 hours. It is still much a blur. I watched a lot of movies. I landed at 5 Pm local time which was about 4 AM my time. The cab ride was about an hour to the hotel. I'm staying in the Grand Hyatt in Seoul. I have to say it blows the doors off any other Hyatt I've seen. But in my very limited international travel I have to say that the "american chain" hotels are always better outside the US. This hotel is so fancy I feel self-conscious in my jeans in the lobby.

Seoul is hazy, hot and humid. It also has more city lights than I've seen anywhere. The general terrain and cityscape looks exactly like every 1970's Godzilla movie I've ever seen. Must eat... I'll post more later.

Expression of Interest

The very first step of the official paperwork... fill out an online form called an Expression of Interest or EOI. A whopper of an online form too. I don't know how many pages it had... lots. But it is done and submitted. We'll have to wait about a week or so to be sent our application packet where we have to prove all the things we listed in the EOI form.

I will be in South Korea... I am attending a telecom conference about roaming in Seoul. I even have to present. The good news is that one my new colleagues from New Zealand will also be there. It will be good to chat about really living there with him.

Neal (the colleague) sent me a link to download Google Earth... it is the most amazing location/map software I've seen... you have to try it. Freaking awesome.

More news as it occurs to me...

Wellington, New Zealand

A while ago I was contacted by a professional colleague about multiple hiring opportunities at his company, Telecom New Zealand. Now the "New Zealand" part isn't just for marketing appeal... it really is in New Zealand. This is not a remote position in the US that somehow supports TNZ. These jobs were in New Zealand.

This was one of those moments where the Universe does something to show it really is listening--careful what you wish for! Just a week or so before (this back in July), my wife and I had decided there were only 2 places we really seriously consider relocating to (out of the US). Those were Ireland and New Zealand. So here it was, a chance to apply. I thought "ah heck, why not? No way they are hiring a dude 10,000 miles away." So I gave Neal my resume (they call it a CV... no idea why).

About a week later I asked Neal about it. He said, "I turned it in with my recommendation." And I thought that was pretty nice. Then he said, "I turned it in with my *highest* recommendation." And I thought, "Whoa! Neal is one of their Principal Engineers. He leads their design team and is highly respected around the world. Holy s**t! I'm getting an interview. It was about then I began to think this was more serious than a whim. The interview was about 2 weeks later. When the phone rang that night the Caller ID didn't know what to report. I answered the phone to here a crisp New Zealander woman's accent. "Is Curtis there?" It was a very surreal moment. This wasn't a call center calling me for some marketing survey... this wasn't a New Zealander working somewhere in the US. This was the hiring manager from TNZ calling from Wellington to check out her principal engineer's recommendation. Her name is, Faye.

Faye was very friendly and we must have chatted for an hour or more. After about 10 years in the teleco business, I have enough experience and exposure to, at least, be basically proficient in a wide spectrum of data technologies. I'm a principal engineer myself after all. In a couple of words I am "highly qualified." Now it is really getting real. While the interview went well I had to explain I'd need full relocation to afford the move and some basic salary requirements. About another week later, Faye called again and those details were confirmed. But I still needed to be interviewed by some of her peers in a more formal process.

That inteview was just about a week ago. This time there were two women, Faye and Rhonda. Faye was in Wellington and Rhonda in Auckland. Still very surreal. The first question of the "official interview" was, "Describe a time when your technical expertise was necessary to achieve a solution." At first I thought it was a joke. I'm a design engineer. I have been for about 10 years. There isn't a single day that goes by where my technical expertise isn't necessary for a solution. So I tried not to laugh and just answered the question with a few examples. The next question was, "Describe a time where you had to collaborate with a team to deliver a solution." Again... are you serious? My company can't even schedule a lunch without collaboration. My cup overfloweth with collaboration. In fact I spend a great deal of time imposing my collaboration on projects that have a direct impact on my teams for which we were not initially involved. So again without giggling I answered the question. The rest of the interview went basically like that. It was like they read my job description and a few of my project notes and only asked me questions about things even I would call myself an expert at (and I don't like calling myself an expert--cuz I know how much I don't know!)

This week Faye called with the offer. There are a few things I've learned about offers. They are never as much as you hope (aim high!). But in any case, it was well within what we can afford. I have relocation... I have adequate salary... I have a job offer in New Zealand... Am I moving to New Zealand??? I've always wanted to live out of the US one time for a few years. I just agreed with my wife about New Zealand being on the move for list. It may be crazy to go, but I also know that if I don't go... How could I live the rest of my life knowing I didn't go do something I wanted to do forever.

So I guess I'm moving to Wellington. My tentative start date is January 8th. I have about 3 months to sell everything I own, pack up the stuff I'm keeping and ship it all (on an actual ship by the way) to New Zealand. All our tickets will be paid. Since it is the Southern Hemisphere, it will be mid to late Summer when we arrive. We'll get to see Fall and Winter again. Their school year will start in Feb. My office building is on that harbor above. I better tell my boss!

Here are some other links to pictures. (including the picture above which is copyrighted to Mark Tanner--legal stuff...)

http://marktanner.com/myself/wellington.htm

The USA entrapping the population?

**Alarm Bells** **Red Flags** **Spidey Sense Tingling**

There is an alarming set of conditions in the USA right now. Along with all the total infringements of personal privacy imposed by the Patriot's Act where you can be tapped without warrants and detained indefinitely without trial, did you know that securing a passport is becoming increasingly difficult? That "free" americans are being denied permission to leave the country. While it isn't widespread yet and the reasons are professed to be "administrative" it still has the same net effect. You can't leave the county. Hmmm...

Well... I guess who would want to leave, right? So lets all stay. After all the US would never use force on citizens to stay, right? Well... what if they just say "if you leave and you get sick, then when you return we'll just let you die (unless you're rich and pay all medical costs)." Is that the same thing as holding a gun to your head? Given that mortality is guaranteed even if somewhat delayable. If the US legally decided to let your children die untreated because you left the US work somewhere else... would you leave? Well guess what... that's exactly what the US has decided to do. Insurance companies are not required to cover any medical condition detect while outside a US group health insurance plan. That's the law that your Congressmen passed with HIPPA. Sorta iffy if you want to work abroad.

What is more insidous is this also means that if you don't participate in a group plan (because you are self employed or not employed), then they don't have to cover either... fun! So now we all have to have at least one member of the household working full-time for a large corporation or we get to die untreated. Sure you can carry a costly private (individual) health plan at 3 to 4 times the cost of a group plan, but when those plans cap out they are canceled.

I know we all assume we aren't going to get really sick. We think we're all okay... we exercise... etc. But you know what? It doesn't matter how healthy you are, eventually you get old/sick/injured. Even if you live in perfect health until the day you get hit by a bus and instantly killed... what about your wife, your kids, your kids' kids? Extend your view to the extended family around you. Which of them will be killed by the US government by not allowing them health care? Killed. Not "mistreated" or "legally violated", but killed as sure as if they hired a soldier to shoot them in the street.

I remember being taught in school that the US was forbidden to use propaganda tactics on the US population. I was lied to. Oh I'm sure it's a law somewhere, but it's not true today. We pound are chests and claim "we are the best." But are we? Are we really the best? If we hedge and say "well maybe not the best, but damn close to the top" well then where are we really?

Capitalism... pretty cool idea and arguably a good system. Sure it's a good system. But anytime you use a tool you should know what it is doing and how it works. You should be aware of its dangers as well as its strengths. I think we can look around and see its good points. But don't forget to acknowledge its shortfalls. The driving force behind capitalism is the building of wealth. People support capitalism because they believe eventually they are financially compensated for it and prosper. The problem with capitalism is that it has no natural check points. Its only mechanism is wealth and the generation of more wealth. If something doesn't generate wealth, it tends to die off. This arguably okay when the market is new cars for example. Strong products live and weaker products faulter. But what happens when the product is heart surgery? Who makes money from heart surgery? And further what happens if heart surgery doesn't make any money? In capitalism, supply must meet demand before the price of goods is established. In other words, the price of heart surgery continues to rise until the market can no longer afford it and the price stabilizes. But you can't decide not have heart surgery... so the price never stabilizes. People will pay any price.

This mixture is scary. Much of what is deperately wrong in the US is so enmeshed in policy, politics, legality and lethality, that the peaceful solutions may not be what people immediately turn to. When children die, parents get angry. They don't always just camp on the President's ranch in protest. In other countries wars start when people start dying. We may discover that violence abroad isn't our main concern... In the 1960's over 50,000 US citizens marched on Washington. Over 20,000 of those marched on the Pentegon. The army surrounded the building with armed US soldiers. Luckily none of those soldier's had been given ammunition and the crowd didn't explode to full blown riot. What would happen today?

Who pays the bill when you need some antibiotics isn't really the issue. But don't ignore healthcare in the US as something that congress will take care of. The wealthy and privledged of the US make nearly all policy decisions and they are not motivated to solve these issues. They are not affected, they have all the wealth they need to cover costs (and group insurance plans). But we can not ignore that millions of US citizens do not. If we ignore them, they will be forced to die or get our attention. Which do you think they will do? Which would you do?

The Nightmare

Sustis Ahl Akim, Grand Sultan of the Seven Valleys, woke from a nightmare. Strange since he never slept. At least, not since he died. But there it was just the same. His mind swimming with fog of half remembered images of places long gone... of things lost... of things long dead. He forced himself upright. He had been working on some particular problem and had developed a headache. Out of habit he laid down. While being undead generally meant few common ailments it also meant few common cures. His aides claimed the headaches were figments of his imagination and he should banish such notions. But what did they know of living? Demons and Shades had no memory of life. Not like he did. No one had his memory.

And then it struck him. The entirety of the dream flooded back all at once for it wasn't a dream at all. It was a memory. She sat with him on a cool summer night so many years ago. Her hair was a tangle of radiant copper curls. Her eyes sparkled and, as usual, her casual style disarmed him. For all his wealth, power and station this common girl had bewitched him. For indeed she was a witch and that made her even more enticing. She smiled and his heart had leapt. He was safe he thought. Then the smile faded slowly. The woman he had loved slowly disappeared and before his eyes she changed.

"I'm leaving you." She said.

The thought was so completely shattering he sat unable to speak.

"I'm sorry. Goodbye, love." And she walked away.

He watched her walk around the magnificent fountains of the courtyard. Watched her silloutte in the archway. Then watched nothing at all. The water flowed endlessly. His heart broke. It ached down to the depths of his soul. She was gone. Though they would meet again occassionally under flags of truce, he never saw her again.

Alone now in his study he looked around the darkened room. His eyes saw all in the blackness. What a change being undead had made. He tried to summon up the feelings for her and could not. He had silenced them all years ago. That very night he had performed the ritual that could not be performed. When he plunged the knife in to his very heart the pain was nothing compared to the knife she had wielded. The magic surged through him and all pain stopped... all pain. She was nothing more than a memory now. An image. A voice. A shadow.

He drew the cover off his reflecting pool and lightly stirred the water. In an instant it responded to his will and revealed what he desired. She was at one of her kettles. Her copper curls had not diminished after nearly 20 years. He watched the movement of her hands. The way she rested them on her hip while she focused on a book near the kettle. Her nose squinching to keep her reading glasses in position. She was beautiful. The same as she ever was. He imagined that if he spoke she would smile and turn to him and he would see her again as she was. But all that remained was the shadow and he did not speak and she did not turn... and any smile she may have shown would not be for him.

He felt nothing. But still he watched all night until she rested her curls on her modest bed. And then he still watched some more until the pool flickered out spent until he could recharge it. Sustis Ahl Akim, Grand Sultan of the Seven Valleys covered his reflecting pool and stepped out in to the night to seek some young copper haired girl to feed his unlife. Maybe that would cure headaches he thought.

A mild rain

Well as is often the case, the drama we build up to real life events turns out to be anti-climatic. Not at all like the movies where the male leads hangs up the phone and says "Baby, we're moving to Hollywood" and the next scene is a jet landing followed by the first day in the new house in the hills. Ah reality...

The interview went well. I have a few skills and they need them. They're hiring and I'm looking. I need a lot of money and they have a lot of money. They're going to see what they can offer and come back to me next week. So I have another week of pondering what that offer will be. Of course, they could still come back and say that my skills just are not in their strategic interests at this time. So who knows. I'll know more on Friday.

I'm in day 3 going on 4 of Amy's vacation so it has been just me and Gabe. He went to a baseball game tonight with his buddy Joe and really had a good time. Came back with a lot of loot. They didn't have a ticket for me so I stayed home with a pizza and a movie. Apparently Amy developed altitude sickness today and feels awful! I can't imagine a crummier vacation outcome. I was so excited that she'd finally get to do something fun and relaxing... bleh. Totally not fair.

So all our big events have sort of petered out for now in to a mild rain and not so much a storm. Oddly enough it really has been mildly raining here every morning. Just enough for us to enjoy nature's 24 hour sauna that is kansas.

Before the Storm

The world of Owings' is getting interesting. Aside from the usual very hectic day tomorrow I also have something new... an interview.

It is too soon to post all the details yet, but like any new opportunity it brings the prospect of change. My current position is pretty good overall, but it does lack some luster. Time has passed and what used to be a "good job" isn't quite as good as it used to be. I don't know if this will be better, but maybe it will.

I put a lot of faith in "maybe." Maybe gets me through many long days. In times when I have lost nearly all will to keep up hope, maybe is what finally saves me. Maybe something better will happen today. Maybe tomorrow. Maybe it won't be bad this time. Maybe I'll get lucky. Maybe this will be a clear message of purpose. Maybe it will just be a good deal.

Many pieces of my life have the potential to be rearranged tomorrow. Maybe some dreams will come true... just maybe. I'll let you know.

Will

A man uses a knife to cut slices of watermelon. Did the knife cut the melon? or did the man? Was it the man's will that effected sliced watermelon?

Same man. He programs a robot to use a knife to cut up a watermelon. Fancier, but is it effectively any different? The man's will programmed the robot and delicious watermelon slices are the result. No matter how fancy the robot may be and no matter how artistic the slices may be, the man's will sliced a watermelon.

Same man, different robot. Now he programs the robot to fish. He says "seek only yellow tuna and go." He codes subroutines for hunting out shoals, ocean currents, maps and fishing techniques. The robot journey's the seas catching yellow tuna. The robot will make many decisions on its way... many the man could not have predicted at the time the robot was programmed, but still the man's will can be said to be at work here. Afterall, without the man the robot is just so much metal.

God creates a man. He programs him with only a single instruction... Live. He follows this instruction until the end of his days. Perhaps God can not predict exactly what will befall his creation. But it can not be denied that programming exists. I wonder what Will is mine and what is God's. Maybe we are the same.

EVE Online: Character blog

Shiplog 14052007

A hard day. I started off the day with a few light level 3 missions out of Mirilene--usual sort of thing. This agent, Amarulyn, is crap. I decided to try a different Federal Navy agent over in Pucheria who was rated higher. She was quite a looker. Her mission were very similar, only the pay was much better.... and so was the difficulty. I struggled through the mission in my passive tank Drake. The missions were longer than I liked and the returns, although greater, were slow. In the end... a break even day.

Shiplog 15052007

Helped a friend mine a bit. She mined, I hauled... in between I ran some local courier missions. I've already made more isk today in a few hours than all of yesterday.

While I really need to focus on my heavy drone skills, I think I'll switch to some leadership skills to help more in ops and squads. Plus I'll need Leadership V for Carriers someday anyway.

My courier agent surprised me with a combat mission on the Serpentis. My intelligence on the mission claims there are no warp scramblers in this mob--we'll see.

World Order is quite different from my last corp. Despite the higher stress of 0.0 security WO seems almost more laid back than the casual mining corp I came from. After all we are immortal. The worst fate is bankruptcy. The rest is just play time. Miners are forever worried about bankruptcy since this is their worst fate... but warriors who can not be killed have nothing to fear. Keep your clones updated...

Shiplog 16052007

Today will be a long slog through station paperwork and meeting with mindless port authorities. You'd think Duvolle would have drug itself out of the 2100's and upgraded a little... but no. The upshot is that I won't be piloting much today.

The good news is that yesterday was highly profitable. Four other pilots and myself ran level 4 missions most of the day in rapid order. The bounties, loot, rewards and resulting offers added up to a good 10-15 million per pilot even after World Order taxes. The reprocessed minerals alone will build a battleship. The large group insured we could annihilate warp scrams, protect our damage dealers and keep our tank repaired. The only cost was ammo... lots and lots of ammo. For me the highlight was tanking a whole room of BS's, frigates and cruisers in my Drake configured for passive shield tank. The guys kept shield rep drones on me so it wasn't solo... but still I felt pretty invincible.

I should wrap up repair systems 4 training today and then switch to 22 hours of mechanics 4 downloading. That should buy my way in to the T2 armor repair mods necessary to the better tanking configurations. I keep trying to stay on heavy drones training, but the T2 drones don't do much good if my ship can't tank.

Looking over what it will take to get in to other ships is depressing. The closest ship is Interceptor at 26 days. The real capital ships are a distant 100 days plus. Slow but steady wins the race I guess. Better tanking will certainly help and I need mechanics V anyway.

The requirements for Imperial Guard have posted and I'm still far short. At best I'll qualify for Imperial Grunt... The true assassins must fly Force Recon ships and that's a solid 70 days out as well.... damn my soft squishy brain and its limited data absorption rate. Still... someday... I'll fly with that elite squad to fame and glory... someday.

Shiplog 16052007 supplemental

I was summoned back to Omist late in evening. My paperwork and clearance forms had unexpectedly finished early. So I momentarily paused my training, downloaded my ghost to the machine and beamed across the galaxy to Omist.

PTDI needed miners for the belts and I was free. I loaded up the Retriever and hopped out. Four miners, 1 hauler and one pilot to play with the rats. It was a good team and we mined well. We decided to split the ore with the alliance. The tally has yet to be counted so I'm not entirely sure what to expect. But I suspect somewhere in the 20 million range even with the split. Mining always has been one of the most profitable ventures. The only challenge is 0.0 mining requires a solid team.

Omist feels oddly hollow... empty... remote. Odd in a universe of vast expanse that one system would seem more isolated over other isolated systems. The stations stand as silent icons of those that have come before and gone. It seems Omist has no memory. The miners, warriors and traders that have come before are forgotten hours after their departure. Aside from the alliance there are no friendly voices. The few allies we have are paid--all others are threats. While threats can be eliminated, they aren't exactly profitable. Isolation and conflict forge souls. Omist has been very profitable, but it will exact a cost from all of us as well.

Rumors flitter in the IO meeting halls of what will be. What systems will we invade next... what happless victims will be our next targets... which alliances will we face... Few can say for sure. Personally, I don't care. Whether we mine together, fight together, die together or randomly warp together, it is no concern. Life is in unity.

The warriors of World Order will soon leave Omist. The silent belts will remain. I wonder what I will leave behind

Shiplog 17052007

I was notified that today was the day to pull out of Omist. IO has interests near HQ in Providence and Catch. The details of the operations are necessarily sketchy. All we know is we must come and we have been instructed to use combat loads.

Just before I began the long 50 hop journey back to Choonka we got word that IAC now considered us hostile. One of our pilots lost a ship in a surprise attack. Aside from this being a cowardly betrayal... it also makes the route home more hostile. I checked my systems stats on the nav comp--the default route looked clean even with the hostiles. I set out.

The vast majority of systems were barren. Almost no non-"allies" on the way. The 3 systems inhabited by IAC were full of their scum. I kept radio silence and made my hops. I picked up a HAC tail, but he seemed disinclined to engage my Dominix. Mostly I just wanted to be free of 0.0 with all my assets more readily usable in and around Choonka. The HAC got ahead of me which I felt was an advantage. I kept my guard up.

On the last 0.0 system he met up with another buddy. I think it was a recon. Feeling braver with two to one odds they locked and scrambled. I had fitted one warp core... but not 2. I launched drones and closed on the recon. I called for help--only 2 hops from Choonka where an op was gathering. The jamming effectively shut down my combat. But I did manage to spook off the recon. I switched to the HAC. Five brothers came to my aid. Many in ships not yet fitted for combat. My tanking held long enuf for them to arrive. Dragoon locked the HAC and sent more drones. The HAC fled and other pursued the recon. No kills, but IAC learned not to assume lone IO members are easy pickings.

I hope our forces gather soon. We can demonstrate our true powers. A war of words may show eloquence, but wars are not fought with words. The cracking thunder of a crushed hull will be our testimony. Our arguments fought with hybrid charges. Our summation a volley of cruise missiles. The siege of our Dreads uproarious applause. The silence of the dead the only rebuttal.

Long live the Alliance! Death to our enemies!

Shiplog 18052007

I have emperically proved that staying hangerbound to train doesn't speed up training... endless hours floating in simulations. My training plans all run in to multiple weeks if not months before any significant goals can be met. A few key skills overlap many other plans. Gallente Frigates V will apply to Assault ships, Interceptors, Covert Ops and even Interdictors. But each of these still requires a great deal of other skills. And while new ships are always exciting I'm lame in them without a few T2 skills to back them up. The only strong T2 skills I possess are in drones. I need to belt-in and just stay on my Heavy Drone V and G. Drone Specialization IV programs. At least then I'll have my little drone friends at maximum strength. I've read that the Gallente assault ships can be pretty powerful mini-droners. Perhaps I'll find out in 85 days... blah...

Back to my simulations... "The Ogre II Heavy Drone model number OGR2011v12 has 24 primary systems and 48 secondary systems. The primary systems are lateral thrust management, orbital thrust management, auxillary thrust man..."

Shiplog 20052007

I've been assigned a Gallente Federation military mission to eliminate a large group of Angels in Trossere. At first glance the mission looked to be fairly ordinary, but has proved to be quite challenging. It takes so long to eliminate the guards that in 2 cases they have called in full reinforcements before I can make it to the gate. Forcing me to start over. But with many conflicting duties, I have yet to get the time to really start and finish the mission in one long session. Perhaps I'll get lucky with some support from the Alliance. I'd like to get it done as the mission is offering a Siege Warfare Mindlink, which I can't use yet, but is worth a good 15 million on the market or perhaps I could squirrel it away for the future. Plus I have another high level combat mission waiting for my response. It seems I'm in demand lately!

More alliance members make the exodus from Omist every day. The situation there is rapidly deteriorating. BoB is moving in fast, our contract with Goonswarm is expiring, IAC's route home is hostile and of course it's 50 odd hops from Providence. I worry that some of our pilots will be cut off. Pirates have an instinct for stragglers.

I participated in my first Alliance combat operation today. It was only a light attack squad, but still a good learning experience. I was over anxious to get to the squad. I had to warp through about 10 systems to catch up. By that time they were nearly done with the small raid, but had received a distress call from Slyph space. While probably outmatched we decided to at least scout it. Plus our ships were cheap and light--we hoped our numbers would make up for the lack of hitting power.

The big lesson learned for me was managing my Overview settings. In the past spotting a few targets was so easy that I took my settings for granted. In a large combat it was not easy to spot ships as rapidly as required. I still managed to select targets well, but I was not as good a scout as I could have been.

The second big lesson was to only listen to the squad commanders and not all the noise in voice comms and/or text comms. One of the pilots calling for our help stated that "only he would be tackling" so I kept my warp scrambler off. But I locked on the enemy Interdictor much faster than he did and I was on him at less than 5km range. I could easily have scrambled him, but I didn't and the Interdictor warped off. I got picked off soon after. The Thorax I lost wasn't a concern nor the mods (remember I only have T1 skills). I was glad to take the fire so that my other brothers could undoubtedly be more effective longer. But I still kick myself for not scrambling that 'dictor... we could have killed him. Paddington (the "tackler" pilot) wasn't in my chain of command... I should have ignored him.

Regardless, it was a good first combat. I'd much rather risk small ships on my learning curve over larger ships. I also don't mind losing my ship so that the other more experienced pilots can attack unmolested. The first rule of War is "When weak appear strong... When strong appear weak." The Thorax cruiser can be intimidating and I charged boldly in drawing fire. I was proud to be a target.

My pod survived and I returned to Unity Station to pick up a shuttle. Soon I was back in Choonka. In order to facilitate rapid future travel I clone jumped to my personal base in Mirilene. I have better implants there for my training. Plus there is that annoying mission in Trossere to take care of...

I will sign off now with a favorite story from my military history holovids...

Quote:

One day in the pavilion at Karakorum he [Genghis Kahn] asked an officer of the Mongol guard what, in all the world, could bring the greatest happiness. "The open steppe, a clear day, and a swift horse under you," responded the officer after a little thought, "and a falcon on your wrist to start up hares." "Nay," responded the Kahn, "to crush your enemies, to see them fall at your feet -- to take their horses and goods and hear the lamentation of their women. That is best."

Yes, that is best.

Long Live the Alliance! Death to Slyph!

Shiplog 21052007

Discouraged with the few responses to my requests with assistance, I put out a call to some old contacts for help with my pesky Angels. Of course, as soon as I did I got offers for help from the Alliance. At one point we 5 ships in assistance on two level 4 missions. This made things much easier. Even with the split and taxes, these bounties add up.

I just couldn't stand another chapter on heavy drone thrust vectors. Upon review of my skills I discovered that I had missed an whole new branch of drone study, Electronic Warfare drones. I opted to switch. I should complete the whole chain in about a week. I figure these drones can be handier for the alliance in support since I don't have the full-on combat skills yet to be DPS.

Shiplog 23052007

The study on Electronic Warfare is facinating. In my previous roles ewar was of no use. A mining barge just doesn't need to dampen or jam a target and most missions have so many ships that a few dampened targets do not make or break your success. But after my close encounter with a recon, I realize the value in a one on one conflict. As a result I went out to acquire several ewar drone BPOs and all the Gallente frigate BPOs for good measure. I have never flown the Imicus or Maulus before. While I've moved on to battleships and cruisers, it is still fun to play with new ships.

I was surprised at the potential of the Maulus. In a small gang a Maulus would be crippling if coordinated with a tackler and a shooter. I made 5 for playtime. I also made a batch of all the others for resale.

I only bought the medium and light sensor dampening drone BPO's and the ECM medium and light drones. I made batches of all. My skills won't complete for 24 hours.

Otherwise I spent the day running missions for isk and loyalty. I estimate my misison totals are in the 15 million a day range.

Long live the Alliance!

Shiplog 25052007

Missions and training...

Shiplog 26052007

Tretchery? Dishonor? Ego? Misscommunication? Who can say? But an IO elite leader has left the alliance leaving behind many of the PTDI corp lost, confused, angry and unsettled. I do not know firsthand of the events leading to the schizm, I only see the results. The alliance is weakened even as its resolve is strengthened. From what I gather, Dark Renegade has fought many glorious battles aside the warriors of the Imperial Order for many years. But that history is soiled. Dark has left. Many of his corp will follow. Some will stay in IO. Regardless, in this time of schizm, we should remember the many valiant acts performed by all PTDI members both on and off the combat field and inside or outside the alliance. All pilots make their own way. I shall respect and honor our brothers until they shoot first. Then we will meet in valorous combat--to the victor goes the spoils. This is the way of EVE.

Long live the Alliance! Honor in battle!

Shiplog 28052007

Vampire Lord gave the word to move clones to two new regions of 0.0 space. In response, I clone jumped to Omist again. My clones are in Choonka, Mirilene and Omist with no skill for a 4th yet. So Omist was the best choice. I had very little left in the BoB station of QSF, but did manage buy a Catalyst for only a million. However, with no station previliges, all I could do was undock the hull and start on the 50 hop journey to B-7 in the Drone region.

The travel was uneventful save for three incidents. First was happening upon a friendly Goonfleet station where I could re-fit the Cat--Thanks Goon! Second was encounting a PTDI member, Valorian, moving through several stations near Goon. Third was being fired upon by Bautschi (a friendly marked pilot) one hop from B-7.

Goonfleet was quite cordial, I was greeted in Local several times.

Valorian was mostly quiet. But entirely unhostile. He and I leapfrogged for perhaps 6-7 systems.

The Drone region was harsh. The station at B-7 has grossly inflated prices and few goods. The nearest 2nd station was 13 hops away. While the minerials dropped from the massive drones would have been immensely valuable, there was no market for them. A shrewd business man would pack up a large collection of T1 BPO's and make for the B-7 station. Mins are plentiful and cheap, goods in high demand.

I picked up a Brutix for 20 million at the station and sold the Catalyst. It was expensive to fit out the Brut and even at inflated prices, not all the modules I would have liked were available. While out test ratting, Lady Explosion arrived in system to scout as well. As it turned out, IO found better negotiations on the other 0.0 target system. We were told to abandon B-7 and make for EO2 in the Wild Lands... 40 hops away. *sigh*

Lady Explosion and I made most of the route together. Once we arrived I finished fitting my new Brutix, insured it and began Angel ratting. Life is good.

Long live the Alliance! Death to CCK!

PS: Oh... CCK declared war on us... eff 'em.

Busy, busy, busy

Things are really hopping as of late.

Work has exploded somewhat as 4 of our 5 team members have left or are leaving soon. I'm left behind to try to keep tabs on everything, but there is little hope that I'll actually be able to keep up on everything. If only folks read my management blogs...

My summer vacation starts tomorrow. I have the next week with all my kids, my parents and my siblings (and their kids) up at Table Rock Lake in the Ozarks. So while vacation is awesome, it is also stressful from all the planning. Even so, I'm sure I'll be having a good time in about 24 hours and for the next 7 days.

Major bummer is that my mother-in-law had a stroke about 2 weeks ago and my wife has decided to skip vacation to help take care of her first week back home from the hospital. My mother-in-law, Cindy, is only about 54. No one saw this coming. Remarkably, she is doing pretty good. In my family, strokes have been fatal within a couple of days. But I have since heard many stories from folks that have experience minor strokes (like Cindy's) and gone on to live many, many more years relatively trouble free. We're hoping for this variation.

Gabe had a fever last week, but no other signs of illness. Amy and I have been totally healthy. Bizarrely, our cat had a unrinary infection which spawned a few hundred dollars in vet bills and 2 weeks of oral torture for Lucy (yucky antibiotics). She seems fine now. We had to change her cat food--she's not happy about that. I predict weight loss at this rate.

I won't be updating from vacation. I'll see what I can do when I get back. Have fun at work!

PS: I've started using blog tags to categorize stuff...

Dr. Vivien Thomas

One of my favorite stories of all time is of Dr. Vivien Thomas as told through the movie Something the Lord Made. Dr. Thomas was a black man of no medical study who through quiet, unyielding desire to do good work assisted and lead the initiatives that created cardiac medicine as we know it today. His work with his mentor and friend Dr. Alfred Blalock have save millions of lives.

There may be many examples of a human spirit that has touched so many, but none that I know where such a good man was tested for so long. Dr. Thomas lived most of his life unknown behind his friend Dr. Blalock who in those decades was often singularly recognized since he was white and Vivien was only his colored assistant.

History has revealed that without Dr. Thomas even the extremely gifted Dr. Blalock may never have developed these life saving surgical techniques. But enough of the science...

Dr. Vivien Thomas has to be one of my greatest heroes of all time. He demonstrates to me that the good that you do throughout your life may never be recognized, but it remains good. It gives me hope to persevere when my faith is low. Vivien lived his life with faith and struggled through racism and ignornance to deliver more good to all than any other white man I can think of has done in return for black. I can only offer my meager gratitude for his life's work.

Dr. Vivien Thomas makes me proud of being human. He restores my belief that there are good things on the Earth. Perhaps no one at all is keeping score from on high, but we know what we do and why. Dr. Thomas reminds me to keep my faith and do my best.

I'm sure the accounting is dramatized, but this matters little for the message is true and anything that helps you believe is good.

Clarity

I had a strange moment of lucidity tonight. A moment where I saw everything around me and how it had been altered by my passing. I was holding a cherished drawing that a small child had made for me. The house was dark as I was just going to bed. I knew where everything was even in the shadows. I realized how significant my home is. I looked out of my windows to my community and saw the other homes of other families. I knew they struggled too in various ways. My wife, my children, my friends... all drawn to me in lines of connection. For a few minutes I felt like I knew how it all worked together and I totally sensed my own role in it.

It was an odd moment. I hope I have more.

And so it begins...

Lillianna tried to calm the agitated reaver down. She didn’t need the powerful drake bucking her off in the middle of the desert while a rogue dragon was near. The animal shifted on the high dune sending cascades of sand down the steep sides. His neck bristled with spines and he chattered a series of clicking growls as he skittered side to side. Pieces of some unrecognizable carcass were strewn over the sands. But from the decay she determined it was more than a day old.

With a quick visual sweep of the horizon of the pale blue skies she swung off the squawking reaver. Well trained despite its nervous nature, the drake reacted to the movement by slinging downward and leaning to the side for the young woman to dismount. Her tall leather boots sank ankle deep in the silty sand. The hot air still felt cool on her sweat dampened leggings. She slogged through sand over to one of the larger boney chunks of former dragon food and kicked it over. The bones were deeply furrowed from large teeth spaced widely apart. It was definitely a mature dragon and probably male. One that knew better… one that knew he wasn’t in home territory… and one that didn’t care. She needed to get back to Bonner’s Fast and report the intrusion.

She quickly climbed the slippery dune back to Dart, her reaver drake and favorite mount. While Dart was quite large, roughly 50 wingspan, he wouldn’t last long against a mature dragon. Physically, the reavers looked like young dragons, but there couldn’t be a larger difference in cunning, intelligence and ferocity. Wild reavers were quite dangerous, but you could count on them to react like other animals—attack when hungry or threatened, but not for sport. This dragon was probing. He wanted to see who was home and if there was chink in the defenses on this fringe outpost. If he sensed weakness he would not hesitated to wipe out the Fast and set up a roost for himself. He probably wasn’t far away. Dart chattered and leaned one wing down again so she could mount. Then she heard it and her heart skipped.

The unmistakable challenging roar of a dragon rolled like thunder over the dunes. He was a lot closer than her estimate. Too close.

Yet More Dragons...

For most of humanity, life is not much changed by the dragon rule. Interaction between the common populace and the dragonkind are rare. The dragon lords work through networks of vassals, retainers and servants. The human overseers possess great power inside their territories. Most are fair and just, but each is entirely loyal to their dragon masters. In general, the needs of their villages and lands are taken in to consideration and delivered to the best of their ability. The dragons are not typically cruel out of nature—at worst they can be thought of as “unaware” that humans sometimes suffer. Benevolence isn’t unknown, just exceptionally rare. All dragons guard against rebellion and disloyalty. Few have any qualms about causing humans harm when necessary.

Dragons appear to live forever. Humans do not live long enough to detect their signs of aging. Some dragons have seemed to disappear, but the causes are always murky. Most times it is believed that a dragon is killed by another dragon for land, power or wealth. It is not unusual for a dragon lord to disappear for a decade at a time. Many a careless overseer has lost his life after poorly managing his dragon lord’s lands and assuming his lord’s death. Humans have learned to strictly adhere to their lord’s instructions with autonomy. What the dragons do in these long stretches is the topic of many a tall tale. Some claim they sleep, some believe they walk in dreams, some think they return to the home lands, some say they change to human form and spy among their followers. Indeed, many dragons are known to magically assume human form. Lady Astralan takes great pleasure in perpetually staying in the form of a beautiful woman. She rules as a Queen over her lands and is known to take many human lovers. While vain, she is an intelligent ruler and generally considered one of the most empathic dragon rulers.

Active dragons require a great deal of food. They prefer meats, but can subsist on virtually anything. Even so, a small village can sustain a single dragon under normal conditions. Dragons are neurotic hoarders by nature. They obsessively secure more and more resources “just in case.” They only stop when they bump in to the boundaries of another dragon. But since resources in the nine kingdoms are relatively plentiful and the First Accord still stands, dragons rarely fight over boundaries.

The Northern Wastes see a bit of combat as there are rogue dragons to contend with and resources are scarcer. Dragon lands tend to be larger in this zone which makes infringement easier to accomplish and harder to detect. Humans find it difficult to settle in these lands thus reducing the manpower a dragon lord can muster for patrolling and farming. These waste lands are the home to the Sharptalon Alliance. The second largest dragon territory, the Northern Wastes was originally three small kingdoms—including the Cadeir’s capital fortress in the Razorpeak Mountains. Without the sustaining magics of the fallen wizards these lands have steadily declined. Now it is dominated by large deserts, rocky wastelands and salt flats. It is in these lands that the legends say the Cadeir will appear first to reclaim their fortress and herald the coming of the new kings and queens. The Sharptalon’s make the most extensive use of reavers to help control the region.

Here Be More Dragons...

Arcane even before the Ascension, the Cadeir remain a secret organization. Originally composed primarily of witches, wizards and enchanters, the group wielded great indirect power over the nine kingdoms. Many viewed its influence as a necessary evil. Overtly the body claimed to act only in the best interests of humanity, but many of its number practiced black arts. Witches whispered in to the ears of strong men who would lose all resolve. Cherished sons and daughters lost in battle could be restored to life, but then carried a terrible debt to the Cadeir. Common folk would often call debts impossible to pay “a Cadeir’s Price.” Bargains with the wizards were seldom what one expected.

After the Ascension the Cadeir organized the first real resistance to the dragons. Indeed, they were the only organized force to bring down more than one. But the dragons learned quickly the limits of their magic and attacked in force. The Cadeir’s mountain fortress was razed to ash. Its members hunted and declared outlaws. The practice of all magic by humankind was forbidden—punishable by death or worse.

After the fall of the kingdoms the Cadeir continued to oppose the dragons. The once austere body now lives only underground. Still, they remain powerful with vast spy networks. The dragons try to root them out at every opportunity, but new cells always pop up. The Cadeir has for centuries tracked the heraldry of the old Kings (and two Great Queens) through the ages. Most of these heirs are ignorant of their heritage. The Cadeir go to extravagant ends to protect these individuals until they themselves have children. These families appear to be unusually lucky in life, unaware they may be surrounded by Cadeir handlers. One day the Cadeir hope to restore the noble lines. The dragon lords can never be completely destroyed, but hope remains that humans can establish some free lands. Few truly know what is left of the noble lines or even of the Cadeir sorcerers. Even those that guard the heirs do not know what line they guard. Legend and myth shroud the original purposes. The mission is passed down from guardian to guardian only by word of mouth. Always the tale is the same, “a time will come… a champion will appear… a herald will be revealed… the time of men will return… guard the noble lines.” The more educated populace views the Cadeir as a cheery fairy tale. When “followers” are discovered there is never a connection between groups leading the dragon lords and their vassals to believe the organization is broken and leaderless. Organized resistance against any of the alliances hasn’t been seen in a 1000 years. The Cadeir are lost and their mission a failure… so it would seem, yet hope remains that someday the leaders will reveal themselves and bring about the new age of peace and freedom.

Dragons exhibit a range of temperaments and charisma similar to humans. Some rule through fear and cruelty while others appear to genuinely like humans. Indeed the most successful alliance, The Unity, has maintained the noble monarchy of the land it claims. The royal family has no official power, but is well treated and, at least, appears to be highly influential to the Dragon King, Zamir, High Command of The Unity. Officially, King Daven is chief advisor of human affairs and high general of the human army in service to The Unity. Regardless of the titles and wealth retained by the royal family, the concerns of dragons rule the day. Human considerations are always secondary. Many villages have starved so that dragons may feed. Dragons may kill or hunt anything, including humans, unless they are the property of another dragon. Even then the issue is between the dragons to settle for damage to property. The chains of slavery are in many cases very light, but they are chains none the less.

Here Be Dragons...

If I were to write about dragons...

Over 4000 years ago the rift opened that spewed forth the dragons. Some died instantly, others fought one another, most flew off in to the night. The months that followed were dark days. The Great Kings fell one by one. Even the mighty Cadeir could not muster enough old magic to slow the attacks. Humanity was quickly subdued… and then awed. The dragons were not mere monsters, but keenly intelligent and calculating. Some were even compassionate, even if still arrogant. They fought each other for control over lands, resources and wealth.

The First Dragon War lasted well over 200 years. At its end the once large kingdoms were shattered to small city-states each with a dragon lord often supported by its own kin. The dragon lords themselves banded together under several alliances that seemed to shift with the wind. The most stable alliance being The Unity which was generally opposed by three other bands led by individual dragon lords that maintained control of roughly a dozen dragon lines each. New boundaries were defined in The Accord which was sworn by all the dragon lords. Basically a pact of non-aggression, The Accord, forbids direct warfare between dragon lords, but little else.

Dragon bloodlines remain small. Most bloodlines only have a single member—the largest bloodlines have less than twenty members. Dragons do not require large social groups and only seek one another during times of war or defense. Most are content to live off their lands and avoid contact with other dragonkind. The eldest dragons have tired of warfare. Few young are allowed to hatch leaving only the unbonded dragons to stir up trouble. The unbonded are the younger dragons in a bloodline. They are not lords of the land and must rely on their matriarch or patriarch for survival. The relationship is reciprocal as the unbound add strength to the reigning dragon lord in times of conflict. Some serve with honor. Some plot for rebellion. Most dragon lords rule alone.

There are a small number of completely rogue dragons with no lands or lords. They wander the fringes and waste lands. Occasionally they challenge a weakened dragon lord and depose him. However, they are just as often killed in the attempt.

The Cadeir have classified many races of dragon most of which are part of the classification, draconis nobilis. These are the intelligent being which now control the known world. There are also several lines of, draconis liber commonly known as reavers. These dragons possess only animal intelligence and are used as beasts of burden, war mounts, attack dogs and other similar functions.

DON'T BUY NETFLIX

After 6 months of fighting with Netflix over their mistake I have to now officially discredit their service and practices.

The whole story...

We recieved a gift membership to Netflix. We were thrilled. After the 3 months was up the giftee was so happy she'd gotten us a good gift she upped the membership another 6 months. Unfortunately, she didn't tell her husband. We he notice the "double" bills he called Netflix to dispute the extra charges (our gift membership) not realizing his wife had bought it for us. Netflix prompted canceled our service and placed a block on our account preventing any further rentals.

This all occurred about 6 weeks after we'd recieved the second "gift". So when we found the block we called Netflix and were told we'd have to have the giftee call and fax some information to them. We did. The block was never removed. For three months we were unable to rent any movies. Unknown to us, Netflix continued to charge the giftee. They assumed we were still using the service and we assumed something was broke, but no one was getting billed. Once the giftee discovered the error they contacted Netflix again to dispute 3 months of charging with no service. Netflix refused. We (and they) canceled immediately.

Three months later we thought we try it again--we really liked the service. We re-signed up and were pleased to have all our previous settings/preferences. Then we recieved another block less than 24 hours later. Upon contacting Netflix again... we were told we'd have to contact another group during business hours to re-join.

Sorry... I'm done trying to give you money Netflix. I got a job. I don't need to spend another 20 hours on hold and faxing you paperwork so that you can take more money from me and not offer me service. Granted the first mistake wasn't Netflix, but after six months being unable to resolve the issue when we've called, faxed, called, changed credit cards, resigned up, called and still been blocked is inexcusable.

DO NOT BUY NETFLIX. Or if you must DO NOT USE GIFT MEMBERSHIPS. Netflix has no ability to resolve billing issues and will just block your service at anytime and never give you credit. It was a semi-good deal at $10 a month. It's stupid at $20 a month (okay $17.99 +tax). Too bad... Spread this far and wide. Tell everyone since this is the only way Netflix will take any action to improve their billing service.

Mambo Dogface to the Banana Patch

I'm in my garage typing away on my laptop wirelessly connected to my high speed internet while smoking my pipe on a fine day that makes you think of an early Spring.

My car needs a brake job... so does my mini-van. My wife is in bed with the flu. My kiddo has recovered from said flu and will be hungry soon. My house is a mess and my other two kids are coming this weekend. My mom is also coming down. I have dishes to wash probably before I can fix supper and, of course, the permanent pile of laundry.

But damn the clouds are beautiful right now. Fluffy white and tinged pink from the setting Kansas sun. The tabacco is sweet and the evening just starting to cool. The squirrels are fat. Life must be good.

Bad Corporate Culture Trait #1

Criticism

Criticism is the perfect bad culture trait. It plays to many natural tendencies, appears to add value and assumes no risk. Any group of 10 or more will have at least 1 person prone to criticism as a primary work tactic. Here's why it works so well in the office...

Us vs. Them

The typical critical employee generally gripes about a trait or condition of another group such as "management" or "finance" or "marketing" or what have you. This is typical watercooler talk and can vary from mild to severe. But regardless it is a foot in the door to bad culture. In this situation criticism is easy to hand out because the subject of the criticism is not present. Oddly, one of the underlying causes of this tactic is the need to be more included in a team. The negative employee is attempting to identify himself with the person he is talking to be on "their side" or win the employee over to "his side". Bad cultures tend to appear in companies that are not peforming all that well. Folks like to distance themselves from the problem and point fingers. The critical employee is trying to be on the wining side--we all want to be on the wining side so often we jump in this type of criticism without even thinking about it. We become problem solvers and we find the problem (them) and we begin to talk about how to fix the problem (lay blame).

I'm protecting the company

This is my favorite and the most insidious. I have seen many managers buy in to this tactic and *encourage* it in their employees. The basic premise is this, by poking holes in bad proposals, I am *saving* the company money. In a problemed company, this is the perfect strategy. Some one else has done all the work to research a proposal. The critical employee usually hasn't invested anything in researching the plan so being critical is very low effort. It seems to add value to the proposal by pointing out its flaws. There is a difference between pointing out a weakness and offering a solution than simply saying a plan won't work. It's a fine line, be careful how you navigate it. Finding problems in another plan is zero risk. No one is going to blame the critical employee for "finding" these problems. It is a great way for an employee worried about their position to divert all attention away from themselves. This is the real purpose to unconstructive criticism... A good offense makes a good defense. Never forget that when you deal with the overly critical employee. They are making low level fear based decisions. Find out what is making them fearful--that is the real issue.

Criticism swirls in on itself like building firestorm. The heat circulates and builds. More and more employees will be drawn in to it if it goes unchecked. Let it go too long and some employees will become so negative that your relationship with them will be forever broken. The critical employee is subconsciously looking for validation that something really is wrong. Once that validation is achieved then the employee can absolve themselves of all blame for everything wrong at work. They can then stop working--after all, the problem is "marketing", right? Nothing I do will matter because it's all them. Someone else is to blame--I'm covered.

What starts as mild watercooler chat can lead to widespread unjustified negativity. No organization is perfect--many flaws are certain to be present. The goal of all organizations should still be to do the best you can realizing that perfection is goal to be attempted, but never quite achieved. Always remember that in an imperfect world there will always be imperfect solutions.

Everybody Plays the Fool

No exception to the rule...

This Valentine's Day whether you're in the perfect relationship now or obsessively devouring a giant chocolate heart in depressed defiance it's good to remember this... Everybody plays the fool. Love is something of a dream and reality wrapped in to one person. Your own dreams blend with the person you love to create the bond you share. But dreams being what they are--deep desires for something we don't quite have--we all have loved someone (or will love someone) that is more dream than person.

You can still dream big. There will be great falls. You will live. You will dream again. Don't stop dreaming.

I think sometimes we fear failure. We think we will lose something we can't get back. Perhaps. But the purpose of life isn't to arrive at its end with everything. Live. Enjoy, despair, love, lose, dream and live.

Today, celebrate your dreams. Love is at least half dreams. Dreams that come true.

Everybody Plays the Fool

No exception to the rule...

This Valentine's Day whether you're in the perfect relationship now or obsessively devouring a giant chocolate heart in depressed defiance it's good to remember this... Everybody plays the fool. Love is something of a dream and reality wrapped in to one person. Your own dreams blend with the person you love to create the bond you share. But dreams being what they are--deep desires for something we don't quite have--we all have loved someone (or will love someone) that is more dream than person.

You can still dream big. There will be great falls. You will live. You will dream again. Don't stop dreaming.

I think sometimes we fear failure. We think we will lose something we can't get back. Perhaps. But the purpose of life isn't to arrive at its end with everything. Live. Enjoy, despair, love, lose, dream and live.

Today, celebrate your dreams. Love is at least half dreams. Dreams that come true.

Where Corn Don't Grow

As we sat on the front porch

Of that old grey house where I was born and raised

Starin' at the dusty fields

Where my daddy worked hard every day

I think it kinda hurt him when I said Daddy

There's a lot that I don't know

But don't you ever dream about a life

Where corn don't grow

I remember living in Nebraska and thinking that there wasn't all that much to do. I never thought of it as boring... it was just Nebraska. The Summers are hot. The Winters are icy cold. In the Spring you open your windows to the clean breeze and in the Fall you are surrounded by spooky corn fields on all sides. Even the city kids know their way to the country. Although we didn't think of it that way... it was just just Nebraska.

He just sat there silent

Staring at his favorite coffee cup

I saw a storm of mixed emotion in his eyes

When he looked up

He said Son I know at your age

Seems like this ol' world is turning slow

And you think you'll find the answer to it all

Where corn don't grow

I moved away to follow a paycheck. The dollars were undeniable. The choices were stay and muddle through or move and really see a career. Too young to know any better I went for the money. I still have that career, good money and a big city paycheck.

Hard times are real

There's dusty fields

No matter where you go

You may change your mind

'Cause the weeds are high

Where corn don't grow

Hard times are real. Small Towns or Big Cities it doesn't matter. Of course we can't tell that until we take those steps away from home. Life is like some strange dessert--you're pretty sure it must be good, but you don't know until you take a bite and then it's too late. Good to remember that it is still dessert and just politely smile either way.

I remember feeling guilty

When Daddy turned and walked back in the house

I was only seventeen back then

But I thought that I knew more than I know now

I can't say he didn't warn me

This city life's a hard row to hoe

Ain't it funny how a dream can turn around

Where corn don't grow

My Dad still lives back in Nebaska. I don't see him much anymore for a lot of reasons--some good and some I don't think about. Of course I knew everything when I was stupid. Strange how stupid I feel now that I know I am not wise.

I still feel Nebraska everytime the warm wind blows down from the north. I see it in the clouds of dust that roll behind a pick-up on a dirt road. I see it in everything that is the color of a dried corn stalk. I smell it in the Spring. I hear it in the thunder that rolls across miles of open fields. I search for it on the horizon and imagine that I can see it where the land meets the sky.

**Where Corn Don't Crow is copyrighted by Travis Tritt

Nothing Profound

I've been waiting for something profound or blog-worthy to happen before posting something. Unfortunately neither of these two things has accurred.

Well I guess Burning Crusade launched. That was pretty cool. BC is the World of Warcraft expansion that WoW players have been waiting 2 years for. Blizzard started teasing it before last Christmas even. I had nearly given up on WoW since I had 4 characters to the maximum level and just couldn't stand the thought of running any more up. But the expansion breathes some new life in to the game. The new lands opened up are pretty and the new quests interesting. Plus they upped the max level cap so all my maxed character have 10 more levels they can train.

While WoW:BC is cool to me... it doesn't much matter to anyone else. I find it interesting since it's sort of like a puzzle, a book, a chance to talk with friends (we play online together) and a game all at once. Now that the first 2 weeks past the launch is over I need to get back on track doing more around the house and other stuff.

Letsee... I did drive down to Springfield, MO to visit my buddies from Nebraska. Sounds odd, I know. But one of the brothers lives there and we all commuted to his house for a WoW/Kid weekend. But of course that was the weekend of the crazy ice storm in Missouri. The cable failed shortly after I arrived. We hung out for 2 days doing pretty much nothing but chatting and eating. I drove back on Sunday. Sunday night his power failed for the next 5 days. Poor Asa! Still it was fun to get out and see them. Plus another buddy in KC who had played with the guys but never met the guys got to meet them. I hope that sentence makes sense. It was a pretty crazy drive in the weather in retrospect. But we made it with really no issues. My VW Jetta is quite sure-footed.

I really do like the Jetta, but I do still miss my truck. Nice to have that bed once in a while. Plus some other things are just fun in a truck... like drive in movies, camping or just cruising dirt roads. Damn the gas mileage though. And oy do they want a lot for those things. Hard to justify on a family budget.

We still haven't hit the Powerball.

I should go back to work now... still trying to catch up.

The story of Bill

I recently had one of my wife's friends stay with us for a few days over the holidays. She's a colorful sort and a lot of fun to have around. My wife has been friends with here for about 10 years. They talk nearly every day. She's a pretty free spirit--always active and outgoing but never quite settled. Settled is, of course, over-rated at times.

A few years ago she had a "room mate" named, Bill. They dated a bit, but were not entirely compatible. However, the financial living arrangements made it difficult to go their separate ways. What I remember of Bill is all only from snatches of conversations I've heard from our friend. He had at least one son who was pretty much grown. Bill was divorced and had a hard time finding lasting direction in life. He seemed to flit from one occupation and/or scheme to the next. Never quite going busted, but never really doing well either.

Bill liked to drink and I guess drink a lot. While it didn't happen often sometimes Bill would just disappear for weeks. Friends and family would worry sick and eventually he'd show up somewhere.

Our friend did finally manage to get out on her own. Bill wasn't getting any better and it just wasn't healthy to watch someone you had been living with for years self-destruct.

Bill seemed to drop out of conversation for a long time. But he would pop in stories now and then. On one particular occassion, Bill showed up out of the blue at a bar that our friend happened to be in. He was functionally drunk and happy. He had on a fabulous hand woven scarf that he had made himself. At one point in time Bill thought he'd loom good for a living. After spending hundreds on materials and a loom and self teaching himself to weave he created exactly one scarf. It was red plaid with yellow and black patterns. It wasn't perfect but I would have never guessed it was hand made. When she admired the scarf on him, Bill, who was feeling nostalgic and giving to his old room mate, he immediately gave it over to her to keep.

This year, Bill died much too early. Poor self care, drinking and a number of other bad habits catch up with you eventually. Bill really didn't have anything material to speak of. What he did have went to his son. But now when I see that scarf on my friend... I can't get out of my mind that this may be the only lasting thing on this Earth of Bill. Perhaps the only thing lasting that I will encounter anyway.

I never met Bill. I have only stories. But now when I see my friend wearing the beautiful scarf Bill made I'm sorry he is gone. I wonder what will happen to the scarf as the years pass. I'm sure my friend will keep it and someday many years from now it will be unpacked by someone going through her things. They'll unwrap it and admire its bright colors and think about why this (hopefully very old) woman kept it. They won't know the story of Bill and she won't be around to tell them. But you'll know.

I think I will ponder the things that I may leave behind. I would like all of my friends and family to have something of me to remember and perhaps tell a story about.