Oceans of Fun

Just to exercise the power of the Internet I thought I'd write a few notes about my trip to Oceans of Fun yesterday.



Discounted price to get in: $21.95 per individual over 48" tall



Worlds of Fun and Oceans of Fun have determined that having cheaper admission for children is in fact not the reason to offer child and adult fare.  It must only related to how much of the park they can enjoy.  Thus a 10 year old butt takes up the same amount of room as a 40 year old butt so it's all full price.  And all these years the theaters have been confused.   The real admission is $25 per person.  You can get discount tickets at Price Chopper.  I personally think this is a joke.  Of course kids take up the same room, but the whole point is to help make it affordable for families.



Cost of parking: $8 cash only



Wtf? Is there option to come and not park? No? On top of the already stupid high admission?  Also, this is frigging 2006 folks put a damned credit card reader at the gate.   Cash only... my god why don't you just take goats and chickens at the door?



Bathrooms: Worse than a truckstop McDonalds



I can't say it any more plain.  There was actually excrement on the floor in the main men's locker room.  All the bathrooms stunk to high heaven.  Worse than any drive-in or dive bar I've ever been in.  Remember you've paid over $35 bucks to use these bathrooms...



Another thing about the locker rooms... the lockers--$8 bucks.  For $8 you get a locker the size of a man's lunch box.  You get $3 back when you return the key.



Food: Worse than a truckstop McDonalds



The staff was the most moronic group of kids I've ever seen puzzle over a register.  Fries overcooked, crunchy and cold.  Hotdogs, cold.  Hamburgers, flat mystery meat patties, cold.  One napkin dispenser.  Eating area disgusting and uncleaned (even during the lull).  $40 bucks for a chicken finger basket, two kid meals, a hamburger, two extra fries and 5 drinks.  For all that complexity the entire purchasing process took 15 to 20 minutes and we were the only folks there and there was 4 people working the booth.  4 Registers... one credit card machine... come on folks.  If you're going to charge thru the ass for food anyway, might as well take all forms of payment readily.



Rides: Excellent.



Thankfully, you don't come to the park for food or bathrooms.  The main attractions of the park were awesome.  The new Paradise Falls gizmo was a blast.  Bascially it's like a giant jungle gym with water.  Superb.



The wave people is still a big hit with Kansans.  The only thing I'll gripe about here is the damn lifeguards.  They must blow there whistle 6 times a minute.  "Don't stand" "No horseplay" "too short" "too tall" "too old" "too young" "too much fun" "don't run" "don't walk" "don't sit"... Mother effer! just put up a sign or something.  I found myself freaking out all the time wondering if could walk here or not or even be in the water.  They were doing a good job of keeping folks safe--thanks to them for that.



Gift Shop: Shockingly reasonable



After a day of price gouging I expected nothing less than complete fleecing at the gift shop.  It wasn't.  Goggle were $4, stuffed animals only $5.  Almost everything was less than $10 and only a few large items were $20 (big fluffy towels).  None of it was high quality, but hey that doesn't usually matter in the giftshop.



What I would do differently:

On the next visit I'll pack a cooler of food or plan to jaunt out to the truckstop McDonalds across the street.



I'll come in my swim suit and flip flops.  I'll drive home on my towel and skip the locker rooms altogether.  I'll also pee in the pool and use the truckstop McDonalds for going #2.



I'll spend virtually all day in the Paradise Falls.



Get there earlier and claim chairs.



The slides, wave pool and Paradise Falls saved the park.  The service may be the worst you've ever seen, but the water is fine.