Showing posts with label kids. Show all posts
Showing posts with label kids. Show all posts

Wednesday, January 25, 2012

Missing my daughter

This song has been out a while, but... well it means a lot to me.

In my daughter's eyes I am a hero
I am strong and wise and I know no fear
But the truth is plain to see
She was sent to rescue me
I see who I wanna be
In my daughter's eyes

In my daughter's eyes everyone is equal
Darkness turns to light and the
world is at peace
This miracle God gave to me gives me
strength when I am weak
I find reason to believe
In my daughter's eyes

And when she wraps her hand
around my finger
Oh it puts a smile in my heart
Everything becomes a little clearer
I realize what life is all about

It's hangin' on when your heart
has had enough
It's giving more when you feel like giving up
I've seen the light
It's in my daugter's eyes

In my daughter's e
yes 
I can see the future
A reflection of who I am and what will be
Though she'll grow and someday leave
Maybe raise a family
When I'm gone I hope you see how happy
she made me
For I'll be there
In my daughter's eyes

Thursday, October 20, 2011

iPad Blog Test




Just some random stuff for tesing out iPad blogging.

30 days hath December

My folks are trying to book tickets for their visit in December through January.  They'll be here 30 days and with them they are bringing Sabrina.  Travel is inconstant between New Zealand and the US.  Invariably things go awry and because of these I haven't seen her in more than 2 years.

30 days seems like such a short time now.  I did the math and if each of those days were mapped to a year then each day would be equal to 12 days.  My heart flutters at the sensation of time rushing by so fast.  Each day like 12!  A month every 2 and half days.  Time is so precious.  That is just my thought for the day.

Tuesday, July 26, 2011

Harry Potter

After watching the final Harry Potter, I felt like I should go back and watch the first again.  It has been years since I have seen it.  I remember seeing it with my kids when they were probably far too young to remember it.  We've had the DVD forever and the kids have watched it many times in the first couple of years we had it.  But during all that time, I never really watched it with them.  It was just on in the background while I puttered around cleaning or something.  I'll guess that we picked up the DVD when the kids were 3, 4, and 5.

I was surprised that watching the original would make me think so much of my own kids and how they've grown.  It felt very much like Harry, Hermione, and Ron were old childhood playmates of our own kids and we had a 2 hour film of them in our collection.  I thought a bit about parents of the actors and how these films will be like the best family vacation films ever.  I can imagine how much I would love a two hour film of my own children as they grew up... one a year for 8 years.  Even if they were playing characters totally unlike themselves.  There is just something about seeing the look in my children's eyes when they are happy and playing.  Oh they were all so young.

They grow up too fast.  Time slips by too fast.  There will always be new stories to tell.  But I do feel a real sense of mourning for the stories that end.  All too soon my own children who are now 11, 12, and 13 will race through their final years of school.  Hopefully there will be less danger in the world than poor Harry and friends had to face!  But the story my children write will be more precious to me.  I am afraid to start it.  I don't want it to end.

Tuesday, June 14, 2011

Mid 2011 in NZ


Folks always arrange the stones in the tidal flats to say different things. So far all of them have been pretty good messages.

Including short holiday with the boys to Abel Tasman / Nelson

Monday, April 4, 2011

Learning about Me

I made a bit of a profound discovery today while working with Chandler on homeschooling.  We just finished reading "The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn" and I want him to do some sort of project to express what he thought was important out of the book.  I bet most of us ended up doing a book report on it.  That was pretty lame and I don't really care about a written report as much as I care about Chandler making a connection with the book.  And then it hit me...

All of our learning, all of our lives has really been a self discovery.  All this time I thought I was learning about the topic (e.g. how to do maths, how to break down a problem, etc.) and I was partly, but for the larger part I was actually learning about me.  I learned problem solving quickly and so I discovered I have good analysis skills.  I read and write well and so discovered that I can express myself that way best.  When I fell in love with the works of Mark Twain and J.R.R Tolkien, I discovered even more about me through their characters.  Each iota of learning clings to a part of me and helps me see it more clearly.  The comparison goes on and on. 

Things I struggle with tell me just as much as things I pick up quickly.  As strange as it sounds, it is all about me.  And it is all about you too.  I once read, "The process of learning is only taking that which we already know and making us conscious of it."  I can now add to this sublime phrase and say that all that we learn is a discovery of ourselves.

It seems all our life is a discovery of what we are and what place we hold. 

Sunday, February 27, 2011

Student Visa: Denied

Well, I've run out of any school options in New Zealand for Chandler.  What I find particularly maddening about it all is everyone acknowledges that if the paperwork was filed correctly, and all the fees paid, then he would be allowed access to any public school in New Zealand.  The only catch is that filing all those forms will cost $3000 and 6 months of processing.  By which time, my visitation is over and he'll be on his way home.

Recall that I started filing, calling, and writing to Immigration in about June 2010 and it has taken until March 2011 to finally get clear instructions about what is required for Chandler to attend a public school.  Had I filed for a full Residency application for Chandler, I still would have run afoul of the time it takes to process.  We ran in to this problem with our own application where the time it takes immigration to respond exceeds the limit they place on the data.. For example a medical check is only good for 3 months and it takes 6 months for them to process it... forcing you to get a second set of health checks and resubmitting your application.  Medical checks are not covered by any sort of insurance as they are totally voluntary.

Here's another annoying factoid... If I were an *illegal* immigrant, the Ministry of Education would allow my children to enroll without a Student Visa.  But because I have paid all my immigration fees and taxes (a Resident), I can't enroll Chandler without a Student Visa.  If I was here on a 30-month work visa... Chandler would be allowed a Student Visa... But again, because I'm actually a Resident, I can't do this.  I was told a few times this was to prevent the NZ tax payers from being burdened with paying for this education.  Well I'm one of those tax payers and I have been for 3 years.  Meanwhile illegal immigrants (not paying taxes) and Work Visa holders (protentially not paying taxes either) get the full benefit of public schools.  Additional insanity results when you consider my youngest son (who was part of my original Residency application) is going to public school and has been since our arrival in 2008.

One other gripe.  Legislation in NZ prevents the schools from reducing the International Student fees in any way.  There are no exception cases, no flexibility for the system to handle students in any sort of special circumstance or even temporarily.  This is really the key flaw of the system.  I understand the need to have solid requirements for Residency and Visas... but to use a system without any flexibility just serves to dramatically limit anyone willing to put up with it.

So NZ Immigration has successfully protected NZ tax payers from allowing a student from culturally participating New Zealand schools.  He won't take that experience back with him to the US.  He won't get to participate in NZ school sports.  He won't get the chance to meet other NZ students to make friends or plan future Overseas Experiences... I'm sure that protection will have a pay back.

In the meantime, we'll come up with some good home-study for Chandler.  But I can't do anything to make up for the friends he won't make.  I'll try to get him in to some other activies and we'll make do.  I'm just disappointed that we've allowed forms and policies to make our lives poorer.

Sunday, February 20, 2011

Immigration: Student Visa

So last year we all talked for a long time and looked at options.  We decided my oldest son (13) living in the US could come live with us for a few months, attend school, and generally spend some time with us. 

About October 2010, I filed an application to get a Student Visa.  It was immediately rejected because Chandler was in the US, Immigration in NZ said the NZ Embassy in Washington DC had to process the application.  Okay... ship paperwork, FedEx to DC.  Again, almost immediately rejected.  They said we had to have proof of paying tuition at the school.  This was odd, because the school doesn't charge a tuition.  So we tried to explain that.  Immigration then said they needed an "offer of place" from the school.  By the time we got here, schools were out of session and no one could provide a letter of place.  A week before schools resume, we went physically to the intermediate school.  Again the office people refused to "do anything without a visa" but eventually we got them to look at the documentation we had from Immigration and they agreed.

It was then they noticed Chandler was too old to attend Intermediate... So we had to go to another school.  They knew more about foreign students and supplied a letter of place immediately.  By this time, after a year of planning, Chandler was already here.  We immediately re-file the application (3rd time) from Wellington.  Two and half weeks later (last weekend), Immigration refused to accept the letter of place as they now say Chandler must pay International Student tuition (over $13,000) to attend 6 months of pubic school.

I am a Resident of New Zealand.  100% of the time I have been here I have paid taxes, school fees, and extra support.  I shudder to think how much NZ has spent trying to decide if my 13 year old kid can attend public school for 6 months.  I'm not even sure what condition they are trying to control by placing such a restriction on a student visa.

While Chandler is here, he won't be covered by General Practioners (Doctors), just emergency care.  I (would) still have to pay school fees, uniform fees, school supply fees, event fees, etc.  But instead the NZ Immigration office is spending thousands of adminstrative tax dollars on preventing this.  I bet we could do better here.
 

Thursday, July 15, 2010

All things Work and Home

It's been a while since I posted here.  As I've commented before, the "micro" blogging tools like Facebook and Twitter seem to reduce the need to write--probably artificially.  No excuses--just saying.

So what's been up?  Too much work.  I have a large project that just hit it's busy stride in May/June/July.  I think it should calm down a bit, but the project wounds are still fresh so much smaller annoyances seem to derail me with greater effect.  It's hard to put so much energy and time in on a thing only watch it flounder.  This difficult enough by itself, but there was about a 30 day stretch where it appeared I was being held personally responsible for a degree of the failures.  I suppose in the Royal We way I am part of the project so I am part of the team.  But this was particularly hard to take as it seemed the customer was quite happy with what was happening.  My own management team was not.  Of course, in business you have to keep your bosses happy and I suppose that was my mistake.  I still find this de-motivating.  But that's business when you work for someone else.

Aside from work we've been shivering our way through a cold winter in Wellington.  I've seen frost on several days this year.  It was even so cold that my motorcycle wouldn't start for a week.

My father-in-law flew in for his usual trip in July/Aug to see us, the grandson, and participate in the grandson's birthday.  I feel a bit sorry for the old guy this year as the weather has been awful! But even bad weather in Wellington is pretty mild.

We took a few days to drive up the west coast to Hawera again.  We visited the museum there with my folks a year ago, but Don (father-in-law) had not seen it yet.  On the way we stopped in Wanganui and Patea.  I can't tell for sure, but I think a hear an unspoken "aw yuck" in front of Wanganui whenever I mention it.  LOL.  I get the impression that most Kiwi's aren't impressed with the city.  While it doesn't offer a ton, it is nice stopping point and does have a pretty fun kid park with great, dare I say, vintage playground equipment and a whizbang flying fox.  On this trip we did make time to see the local museums which were interesting if not huge.

Patea isn't far north of Wanganui, but is barely a spec on the map... and let me tell you, the specs on NZ maps are specs indeed.  I think Patea is all of 6 blocks long.  Its primary feature is the road to its beach.  There is a river mouth here which was one of the first sea ports used in New Zealand, but this port was completely abandoned in 1956.  Patea certainly hasn't thrived since.  What remans is a partially protected swimming beach with massive waves.  Outside the sea walls you have some of the rawest ocean I've experienced in New Zealand.  Waves larger than a man or 2 men.  This stretch is one of my favourites.  The sand here is deep black with sparkling flecks of mica.  The shore stretches north to high vertical cliffs.  The view is even complete with a ship wreck of some ridiculously old vessel containing a boiler.  Another interesting bit was we found heaps of rock with deep "pock" marks in them.  The kind of thing you'd expect to see in a cave that dripped on soft stone over a million years.  Looking at the cliffs I'm guessing there are a few sea caves there and these rocks probably started in them.  Each place we go has so much to discover.

The Tawhiti Museum continues to be excellent.  They even added something completely new this year.  A Whalers & Traders "river" ride.  They built a huge shed and dug a channel through it for a river.  Then they filled it with life sized scenes of NZ whaling themed events.  There was a ship trading muskets to Moari, gun/cannon fight in the bush, and a Maori village trading with white settlers.  The detail was amazing.  Hawera is barely more than a spec itself--maybe 6 specs collectively.  But this is still one of the best museums covering NZ history that I've found.  Of course, I have not tried to fully explore Auckland yet.  I would expect the countries largest city to have something pretty grand.

On the way home we drove through Palmerston and again I was struck by what nice towns NZ has.  Palmerston had quite a bit of stuff to do for being a "small" city.  This really is small in New Zealand.  But they did have a Harley shop and a Steam Museum which we'll have to check out again later.

Amy and I have managed to get out to a couple movies.  I seem to have no lack of pizza in my life so all is good.

We are waiting for the last bit of immigration paperwork and then I think we're clear.  We're talking tentatively about having Chandler come stay with us in 2011 to go to school here and then swap to have Sabrina for a year too.  I really hope that works out, but it all still discussions for now.

That's the update from the South! Talk at y'all later.

Wednesday, March 3, 2010

My kiddo the published artist!




Gabe's art was selected for a Worm Farm company in New Zealand.

Friday, January 1, 2010

The year 2009

     2009, where did it go?  It feels like I rolled over in bed and discovered it was 2010.  "Damn, slept in late!"  Yet, when I think back I can recall a full year of events.
     For me the year started with an amazing hope.  The election in the US rolled across the whole world with a wave of optimism.  At the time, I had not realized how important that election was.  When it happened, I was not prepare for my own feelings of it.  It was good.  Of course, reality being what it is, the world has still struggled in 2009.  I am not envious of Obama's place in history.  I hope he does well.
     We had many fantastic visitors this year.  My folks came down in January, then my Mom again with my kids in June.  My father-in-law, Don, was down in July--as he had the year before.  His sister, Maurine, joined us for a couple of those weeks.  Lastly, and not the least, Amy's step-mom, Cindy, who many thought could never make the trip, flew down for a week to pick up Gabe in December.  He is with all his grandparents now on holiday and will be back in Feb.  If we were to count days, we spent about 3 and half months with visitors in New Zealand.  I spent a week in Kansas in October for the kids' birthdays.  There is something entirely different about visiting with family for many days or weeks.  I remember seeing folks for a single occasion or just a dinner.  We'd chat and have a good time, but it doesn't compare with sharing a home with them for days.  It is a good thing.  I look forward to it.
     Of course we lost many people in 2009.  Two of my good friends lost their fathers.  My dad died in November.  Another dear friend lost her 19 year old son.  Always we are left with more questions than answers.  The world lost many... some good, some bad, and some that were hard to tell.  Humans were terrible to each other in some places and kind in other places with less media attention.  I have no scale to measure this year against other years.  Life remains a perfect balance between tragedy and miracle that is unevenly meted.  May we all find strength when we need it and share joy when we find it.
     My family is doing well.  I found my brother, Nathan, who I had lost for some 20 years.  Not only did I find Nathan, but he had a daughter in October.  My other brother, Justin, added to his family the easy way and adopted Kingsley just this year.  Many family members on my Dad's side have found me and we have talked.  I now have seven children in the generation after me.  Strange to think about.
     I have seen glittering black sand beaches with crashing turquoise and white waves.  I have seen volcanoes in the distance.  In Kiakoura we saw seals and perhaps the most beautiful vistas on Earth.  At the Abel Tasman park I witnessed the most beautiful sunsets of my life.  Each and every day, I have admired the Wellington harbour.  Many days I have sat at a cafe with a view to the water with a cappuccino and marvelled at how good life can be.
     Each year will have its struggles.  2009 was not easy, but I lived.  2010 looks to be a year of greater promise and perhaps greater challenges.  Whatever comes, I will be happy to live it.  When I find joy, I will share it.  When I need strength, I will ask for it.  To all who have made my life wonderful, I give a deeply felt and humble, thank you.

Wednesday, December 9, 2009

The Trouble with Twitters

I've discovered a problem with Twitter and Facebook.  While they are great communication tools they have limited or no archive.  One of the most valuable things I thought would result from blogging was the lasting archive of what I wrote.  Much like a diary, I could go back and re-live the things I wrote about.  So while FB and Twitter are awesome for sharing brief moments of my day, they suck at the archive.  There is nothing to be done about though other than just try to write and post more often.

These last 3 months of the year have been crazy.  I have a very active project at work and so many other real-life things that it has nearly squeezed out time for extra things like blogging.  Still I see vast area for improvement.  My time management skills at home could be improved quite a bit.  It is a struggle to keep up with calls and correspondance.  But it is all part of the trade-off of moving to an island.  If i were still in Kansas right now, I'd be freezing inside and probably complaining about all the time needed to go visiting every weekend.  Lives are full no matter what you do *grin*.

Gabe finished a school project.  It is due today.  We did an experiment on evaporation.  While not the most scientific of topics, it did go over the basics of how to do a project.  In case anyone wondered... water does not evaporate all that quickly during a rainy cool week in Wellington by the sea.  Like really not at all.

I have spent a lot of time on personal reflection.  My Dad died which I suppose makes anyone think about things.  But even more than this I have just been thinking about life.  I have not come to any profound conclusion and I am not seeking any specific answers.  I guess it is just good to review things now and then and see if anything needs to be re-filed.

I do want to get back to writing much more.  I know some new tricks.  I know music greatly enhances my muse.  I know I need to chart out when I feel like writing and see what I can do to make myself available for writing in those times.  I suppose it is all steady progress toward a goal.  I find that living each day is just so enjoyable I am not driven to improve things greatly.  I hope this is a good thing and not a sign of complacency or laziness.  I am looking forward to Christmas and a long holiday after.  There are certainly some great advantages to kiwi life :-) .

Tuesday, October 27, 2009

Micro-Blog

I have so much I want to write about that I am paralyzed with it.  So in an effort to dislodge I'm going to blast out micro-blogs on each topic.  Hopefully I can expand again later...

My Dad:
Dying, but looking pretty good.  Chemo was stopped so that makes you feel better.  Visit was emotionally complex, but ultimately good.

My Kids:
Totally awesome to see them. Great to spend so much time just following them around from school to home and such.  Good to talk with their teachers.  Field trip with Sabrina was one of the best times I've had.  I put 2000 miles on the car I borrowed from my in-laws (Thanks Judith and Cindy!)

Vegas:
Still the same.  The Bellagio may be my favorite hotel of all time.

The US:
It was actually hard going back.  Vegas didn't help as it is an exaggerated version of all things excess in America.  I was battered by it somewhat.  Everyone I visited with was working harder than before, more stressed, and generally stretched.  It was an incredible favor to be able to stay with Carey and Graham while I was there (thanks!).

Wall Street:
I read an article about how fundamentally illegal market manipulation may have collapsed 3 of the 5 big banks in America.  The article was posted in Rolling Stone which I found odd.  But despite the most glaring and flagrant manipulation no official investigation was underway.  Most concerning is that if you looked at who had the most to gain such an act you would see the other 2 banks.  There were many suspicious dealing by these 2 leading up to the collapse.  I am appalled to now think these crooks will never be held accountable and the money they stole from Americans will never be given back.

NZ History:
I have been reading "The Penguin History of New Zealand" (Penguin is a book publisher here) by Michael King.  It is insightful and well written.  I am delighted to read about the amazing journey NZ has taken.  I am surprised to discover that for at least a generation, NZ did not teach this history which is rich in culture and identity.

NZ Stock Exchange:
I have begun to write letters to the NZX to ask if the scheme above could happen in NZ.  I would push them to make sure it is not.

NaNoWrMo:
Yes, it is coming up.  But I again don't think it is something I can push for.  But I am sure to write some.  I will likely work more on Threshold--the projected I started last NaNoWrMo.

The Ex:
While in the US I also had to work on a new agreement with my ex.  Such things are always stressful, but we worked really well together.  As a result of the compressed schedule we had to spent more time together than we have in probably 10 years.  It was weird, but it was also good to demonstrate how much we had both changed and moved on.

Motorbikes, Trains and Automobiles:

We bought a small cheap car to replace our leased car.  This will give us more cash back per month.  With the motorbike option I can actually commute cheaper than the the train.  But NZ weather can be unpredictable so I keep a 10-trip pass handy for the worst of days.  Overall though, the new set up looks good.  Amy drives the car to work and I take the bike/train.  Gabe goes to good kiwi gal's house after school 3 days a week.

US Shopping:
I did take advantage of US shopping to get a few goods.  Mostly bulk Ibuprofen and Asprin.  But I did stop at a western outfitter and pick up stuff you truly can not get in NZ... I got new boots with silver tips, several western shirts, and new jeans.

Work:
Busy as, but doing well.

Kiwi Spring:
Cold as, bro.

Party I want to have:
I want to host a Battlestar Galactica party featuring a few episodes, a BBQ, and some play of the BSG board game.  Not sure I will... but I think of it fondly.

Wednesday, September 2, 2009

An inconvenient memory

When I was 15, my Dad picked me up for a summer vacation.  He was a truck driver at the time and really it was just a chance to ride with him while he worked.  I had not seen him in a couple years before this.  My folks divorced when I was 7 and Dad seemed to come by less and less often until it just seemed he wasn’t coming back.  But here he was ready to take a long trip.

I wasn’t a kid with a grudge though.  I was happy to go with him.  The truck was cool and a long road trip sounded like fun.  It was really a pretty cool vacation.  I think we crossed the country about 3 times in 6 weeks.  Dad drove and I would ride as a passenger when there was something cool to look at.  I would sleep in the cab when there wasn’t.  Truckstops always had something new and cool to look at.  That year the “High Speed” pinball machine was released.  I played a lot of that game.

Somewhere in the middle of that vacation we stopped in Oklahoma.  My Dad had a new son with a gal he met on the road, Diane.  His name was Nathan and he was only about 3 months old.  I was 15.  My mom had my sister when I was 11.  I was pretty good with babies.  Nathan seemed alright.  I got to hold him a few times before we left.  I didn’t know what was going to happen next.

Eventually the trip ended and Dad dropped me off at home.  It had been a great adventure.  But Dad seemed pretty upset.  He wiped away some tears with an old towel in his truck.  He didn’t really want to come to the door.  I thought I understood.  We hugged and he said goodbye.

When someone completely exits your life you don’t really know it the moment it happens.  Dad had been away for a couple of years.  I didn’t expect to get phone calls right away.  Months went by… then years… Dad more or less disappeared.  I’d hear a rumor or two that he’d been in town.  Someone would claim to have seen him somewhere.  But he never called.

Soon I was 19 and moving out.  Life was so busy and full.  So many things just happen.  Where Dad was didn’t bother me too much.  When I did think about it I would just assume he was around and would show up again someday.  More months and more years… No Dad.

At 24 I got a phone call from a cousin on Dad’s side of the family.  I didn’t really keep up with them much as there was no one really to take me around to visit.  My Dad’s family wasn’t all that close anyway.  It had been a pretty hard life for most of them.  She called to tell me my Dad was in the hospital.  He was going in for heart surgery.  She thought I should go talk to him.

I did.  I sat with him in his recovery room and we talked a while.  He was in pretty great spirits.  He was happy to see me and we talked like it really hadn’t been 10 years since I’d seen him.  More months went by… more years… No Dad.

I began to hold a grudge.

About 10 years later I tracked him down and went to see him.  We talked on the phone a couple times first.  I brought my kids by to see him.  He was so happy to see his grandkids.  But we didn’t stay all that long.  Dad was still heavy smoker and the kids were little and were in to everything.  Dad’s apartment was cluttered with little hazards—like insulin needles.  I suppose it wasn’t really these hazards that kept me away though.  If I had to be honest, I’d have to admit that I felt cheated.  I think he would have loved to spend more time with the kiddos.  It wasn’t fair he wanted to see them and had let so many years of my life go by with so little.

I think I must have recognized this as an “unresolved problem” and I sought him out again—without the kids.  We talked a bit.  I can’t even recall what we talked about.   I gave him a NASCAR jacket.  I knew he would like it.  It felt good to give my Dad a present.  We went to one of his AA meetings.  It was emotional like those meetings often are.  So many years gone by, so much wasted.

By now I had moved to Kansas City.  Visits home were packed with family and friends and just always seemed too short to visit Dad.  Months went by… then years.

I had to go through my own divorce. After a couple years I re-married.  I adopted my wife’s son.  I moved to New Zealand.  I didn’t share any of this with Dad.  As far as I know, he’s still back home doing whatever he’s done for 30 years.

But remember Nathan at the beginning of this story?  Three months old then he’s 23 years old now.  He is married and has a daughter on the way.  He found me on Facebook and sent me a note.  Dad pretty much disappeared on him too.

There is far more about Nathan that I don’t know than I know.  But I am glad he found me.  While I live a bit too far away to stroll down to Oklahoma to visit, I won’t lose him.  I won’t lose more months and more years. He doesn't deserve that--neither do I.

Sunday, June 28, 2009

The Best Vacation

     I think this vacation might have been the best I have ever had.  I don’t have any way to measure all the wonderful vacations I’ve experienced before and I can’t be 100% sure that other great vacation might not be better, but these last few weeks with my mom, Chandler, and Sabrina have been cherished.
     I had not physically seen my two oldest kiddos for a whole year.  I last saw them in June 2008.  They had their birthdays in October.  We did not get to spend Christmas together.  Spring Break passed us by.  But with a similar effort necessary to capture a hurdling comet, we took a chance opportunity to fly them here to Wellington.
     I’ve posted some pictures and one small story about an excursion.  I will probably post more.  But what I will remember most is the days and days of endless giggling between all three of the kids.  Gabe, Chandler, and Sabrina spent hours just laughing and playing together.  All day they could just goof.  No matter what we actually did as “An Activity” for the day, they always played.
     I have come to realize that no sound is more loved than the assortment of clunks, giggles and snorts of 3 kids tumbling about.
     I had to take our visitors to the airport yesterday.  I am so happy to have this short time with them.  It still hurts to see them go.  One of those things I can not change.  Missouri just is not close to New Zealand.
     I find myself wishing I could explain it all to them.  To tell them that there will always be plenty of space in my life for them--that I would love nothing more than to have them stay.  But I don’t want them to feel like they have to choose and I know that children love both parents with all their hearts.  I know they wonder why I can’t just live next door to them.  But that is a very long explanation full of adult complexities.  Sometimes I wish someone could explain it to me too.  Not because I don’t understand it, I just don’t know exactly how to express it.
     Our lives are a baffling mix of self-determination and fate.  No parent can give everything that a child wants to them.  I am humbled by the realization that what we fail to give them probably shapes them more significantly than what we do give them.  I will always do everything I can for them.  I hope they don’t judge me too harshly on what I couldn’t give them.  This mix of fate and decision has moved us very far apart.  But I love them just the same.
     They are probably just arriving home about now.  Hope they had a safe and easy journey.  I hope the rest of the summer is magical for them—in the same way that I remember the long slow days of summer.  I will call and write often.  We will make everything ready for them to come again soon.
    Thanks, Mom, for bringing them to us! I know it’s hard to navigate all those airports with kids.  I can not really tell you how grateful I am for it. Thanks to Tom too for putting up with you being gone for month!  Gabe, Amy and I can not wait to see you all again.  Take care and talk to you soon!

Tuesday, June 9, 2009

Kids in NZ 2009


It's winter! Sabrina is wading at the beach on Oriental Bay.

Pictures I have from June/July when we had our visitors!

Tuesday, April 28, 2009

All things Domestic, Large and small.

Life can be interesting and mundane at the same time. 

For example, a failing dishwasher is quite mundane.  Ours has been dying a slow death for the past year.  We have just recently decided to ask our lease holder to fix it up.  No worries, just a lot of scheduling and communication.  A detail, but it keeps you busy.

Next the gas fireplace has a tendency to blow out.  This would be even more mundane in the US where the fireplace is purely ornamental.  But in NZ that sucker is life giving heat for the whole house.  It warms up alright, but then it will try to idle, but instead it blows out.  So you have to go hit the restart button when ever you feel cold rather than having it maintain a reasonable temp.  Also a scheduling detail.

On the more interesting front, I have had to do a lot of financial manipulation and legal processing.  Painful, delicate, and stressful.  But I think the bank is finally satisfied.  We still have issues to resolve, but we have solved at least 2/3rds of our financial debts.  Of course this was necessary to support child support legal obligations and that's the lawyer part.  Having shunted all resources to only paying child support can only pay part of it.  The reality is my income has not increased in 8 years and has dramatically reduced in the last year.  Time to re-calculate.

But on the upside, the kids are coming to visit in June with my mother.  This was one of the main goals for me in this move was not only to visit, but be able to bring them here to see it.  We've had far more visitors than I've expected which has been wonderful.  I really hope that Chandler and Sabrina love the experience.  I am pretty sure they will.

While we are heading in to winter here, most days are still pretty nice.  In the last week we've had more rain, but no chills.  It is, if anything, a bit muggy.  New Zealand was designed to be damp.  Every plant seems to double as a sponge.  Green covers everything in the shape of moss, lichen, algae, and things in between.  A few trees shed their leaves, but you would hardly notice.  Green is still everywhere you look and flower continue to bloom.  Days are noticably short now.  It is near dark when I walk home from the train.  But the walk is no less beautiful.

We'll see the kids in June and then we'll see Poppop and Aunt Mo in July.  Don wants to stay through the first week in August to be here for Gabe's birthday.  Along about July the Winter Festivals start with fireworks and fairs.  I almost feel like putting up Christmas lights.  So lots of things to do.  Hopefully all goes smoothly for me and for you!

 

Sunday, March 29, 2009

The Waterloo Gala

A couple of weekends back we attended a school fund raiser that I didn’t get a chance to really write about yet.  But as I look back on it, I see more and more that this was just too blog worthy not to catch up on.

 

It was billed as the “Waterloo Gala” (pronounced GAL-ah and *not* GAY-lah.)  Everyone thought gay-la was incredibly funny when I said it.  They advertised for it about month in advance and needless to say all the kids were super excited about it.

 

The actual event had all the things I expected.  There were fun games, lots and lots of lollies (candy), bake sales, plant sales and art booths.  They had 4 or 5 different kinds of raffles.  The most hilarious being the “Pony Plop” where a pony is penned in a small field of grass that has been laid out with a numeric grid… and can you guess? They sell the numbers on the grid and where ever the pony does his business the holder of that number gets a prize.  If that image was not funny enough, then image a small crowd gasping in anticipation when the pony lifted his tail and then the groan of disappointment when it turns out to be “only a pee.”  We unfortunately didn’t win.

 

What was really blog-worthy though was the stuff I did not expect.  Like the “Bottle Lottery” which was rather like a cake walk only you won booze.  This is right on the school grounds remember.  You should have seen the hoots and hollers when the adults won booze.  The Bottle Lottery sold out in less than an hour.

 

Next on the booze tour was the full on beer tent.  Yes, you read that right.  In the middle of the school yard was the adult beer tent with 4 different bottled beers and a wide selection of RTD’s (Ready To Drink beverages).  RTD’s are like cans of bourbon and coke, rum and coke, vodka and juice, etc.  All of them pre-made, 12 oz size, and *significantly* stronger than beer.  The beer tent managed to keep selling throughout the event (from about 6 PM to 9 PM).  Thankfully we only live 2 short walking blocks from the school.

 

Last we have my favourite… the water balloon catapult.  At first glance you may ask how this could possibly compare with the schoolyard beer tent, but imagine this… The catapult has about 90’ range.  The target is a non-descript box located about 90’ away from the catapult.  The target is not marked and in the middle of the event—neatly bisecting the attraction side from the beer tent side.  Now picture about half a dozen partially drunk parents wandering in to the field of fire whilst their kids take aim.  Peg the drunken parent at 30 yards with the water balloon catapult might be the single biggest untapped fund raiser event in the world.

 

All told the event raised $30,000.  How much did your school raise last event?

 

Gabe had a great time.  I'm fairly sure he ate his body weight in candy.  He also swung a sledge hammer on an old beater car a few times.  He ran around like crazy.  Amy and I enjoyed the beer tent and successfully avoided the catapult hazard.  Our friend Lisa ran the Plant Sale which turned out to be not nearly as popular as the Bottle Lottery.  We got a great deal on plants near the end of the event.  Who needs a beerfest? Show me the way to the next school Gala!

Wednesday, March 4, 2009

PKU: All the things they can't eat

I watch an email list focused on PKU (parents, kids, PKU adults, etc).  A great deal of the messages ask for technical answers about how many PHE's are in this or that or what do if this or that occurs.  But fairly regularly someone sends a message out for simple help.  Here is one from today...

Hi everyone;
 
I bring my 22 month old daughter to a babysitter for the afternoons, and I would like to start sending her over with dinner since she isn't picked up until after 6pm.  I usually just send her over with an afternoon snack, but the sitter told me today she would have no problem feeding my daughter dinner, and since they usually sit down to eat at her house around 4:30 or 5, I think this would be better for my daughter...  Since my daughter isn't 2 yet, I'm still learning myself what I can give her for meals, and I'm nervous about leaving it to someone other than my husband or myself to feed her. I would love some imput or suggestions about this.  I haven't ordered any low-pro foods yet, and to be honest I have no idea how to go about doing so.  And is ordering from Cambrooke, etc something that all PKU parents do right away?  I feel like I have SO much more to learn about meal options, etc and I would truly appreciate any advice you could give me.
 
I have to admit, when my babysitter pulled me aside this afternoon and started telling me about how my daughter wants a banana or other foods the other kids are eating, she said it was "so sad" that she couldn't give her some.  My daughter has a very low tolerance, and I made it clear to her from the beginning that she was only to feed her the foods I brought over that day.  I know for people who don't have to regularly deal with PKU it's hard to comprehend, but I've done all the explaining I can to her about what I know.   To be completely honest, I felt very inadequate as a mother after this conversation, and I broke down as soon as I closed the door behind me.  I wonder sometimes if I'm doing all I can do for my daughter...  I knew this day would come, and I (or someone else) would feel so terrible that my daughter can't eat what the other kids are having, and I know she is still too young to understand why, but it breaks my heart.
 
I'm so sorry for going on and on, I just didn't have anyone else to talk to who might know what I'm feeling, and although I don't write too often on the listserv, I read each and every post daily, and I appreciate how much you have all educated me and helped me through so far.  I've gotten so many tips, and had so many laughs, I've been angry, and I've been scared, etc about what is to come, but it's all SO helpful.  I'm so grateful for the listserv, and all of you.
 
Thanks for listening, and thanks in advance to any feedback I might recieve.
I'm sure it'll get easier...my mother tells me to take this one step at a time, but this is a step I don't think I was quite ready to make just yet.  Are PKU moms and dads ever ready?

I chose to answer this one...

Hang in there!
 
It is easy to look at what your daughter can't eat and feel saddened by the things missed... but you have to remember that it is just food.  There are many, many great joys in life yet to be had.  You look at some of the treats she can't have and you have your own memories of these foods.  You perceive these treats much differently than she does.  She has never experienced a twinky and probably never will.  A chunk of why you may remember a twinky fondly is because you remember your mom giving them to you with big hugs while you cuddled on the couch and watched cartoons.  But can you see where half of that association comes from? Cuddling with mom on the couch with cartoons!  That's the real joy.  You can substitute a rice kispy treat covered in frosting for the Twinky and the experience is much the same.  She can develop her own associations and favorite foods from the still large selection of things she can have.  Not one measure of happiness is lost.
 
~Curtis
 
She then replied...
 
Curtis,
 
I have to tell you, I've already gotten about 10 responses, but yours was the one that made me stop and think.  You left me speechless, but I want you to know the positive impact you've just had on me, and I will never forget your words of wisdom.  I'm forever grateful....
 
Jenn 
 
(ps I might have to print this one out and stick it in my wallet for years-to-come of reassurance)

I have already replied to Jenn, but I wanted to capture it here too.  Rarely have I felt this proud about something I've done.  It was just a simple note.  But I am glad it helped this one mom and her daughter.  I don't know that I could say who helped who more today.


Monday, February 2, 2009

Phenylketonuria

Hmmm… I just noticed something odd today.  In all the 200+ blogs I have done, I don’t seem to have written one about PKU.  I won’t bother to dig in to the psychological looking glass and will instead rectify that situation.  For you see, my son has PKU which is short for Phenylketonuria (Fee Nil Kee Toe Nur eeyah).  As you all hysterically attempt to mouth that, just remember PKU, it’s much easier.

PKU is a genetically inherited metabolic condition affecting 1 in 100,000 births that inhibits the bodies processing of the amino acid phenylalanine.  If left untreated, the resulting build up of this amino acid becomes a chronic neurotoxin affecting brain development and motor function.

Did I lose you yet?  I got lost at about the second syllable the first time I heard it when Chandler was only 2 days old.  I’ll give you the short form.  Chandler can’t eat anything that we don’t look at first.  That’s the impact statement.  Of course it is more complex than that for us, but that’s what it means to most of the world.

PKU is genetic—it doesn’t go away and has no cure.  It basically means Chandler has an abnormal liver.  But the good news is that while he stays on a well controlled diet he is absolutely normal—nothing odd about him.  He reads great.  He plays video games.  He rides a bike and plays with legos—all the normal things kids do.  If doesn’t stay on diet, then over the course of several months to years the acid build up in his blood will attack nerve tissue and slowly wear away at his brain.  I suppose you could compare this to severe long term drug use.  It was especially bad for developing children prior to its discovery.  This resulted in what was then called mental retardation.

Yeah that scared the hell out of me too.  Again… we know how to 100% treat PKU today.  Quite simply you just absolutely control the amount of protein he eats.  Thus you prevent ever having toxic levels and all is good and normal.  There are a number of specialty medical foods made for folks with PKU to eat.  Mostly they get all their real nutrition from a formula like a protein shake—only with just the right amount of phenylalanine in it.  If you are pretty hip on your nutrition you’ll know that everybody has to have “full proteins” in their diet so Chandler has to get a bit of phe (what all the parents of PKU kids call it)—just not too much.  This amount is measured in milligrams… :-/  So Chandler can have 350 mg of phe each day.  That is about ¼ of one paperclips worth. 

Needless to say, the diet is quite highly monitored.  We measure everything on a gram scale.  But this has turned out to be so easy that I often barely register it any more.  It’s the same as measuring out cups or tablespoons… just happens to be 500 g of this or 30 g of that.  Cooking by weight is pretty darn easy.

All children in the US are tested for PKU at birth.  It is part of the tests they run as part of that heel stick you kid had to endure in the hospital.  They test for it early because PKU is so easy to treat early and so detrimental to a growing kid.  It may surprise you to know that there are about 25 other metabolic conditions (many that cause death) that hospitals do NOT test for.  The kit to test for these costs about $20.  Many deaths attributed to SIDS are now thought to be undiagnosed metabolic disorders.  Not to hard to imagine if think of something like a severe peanut allergy.  How do you know your infant is allergic to a peanut? What if the little bugger gummed up a crumb of nut while you weren’t looking? I am not trying to make anyone paranoid just showing an example of how something undiagnosed can sneak up on you and be a mystery.

PKU is more common in Irish populations or other Northern European descendents.  It is well understood in Europe and North America.  It seems to be well understood in New Zealand as well.  I am still in the process of researching it in hopes Chandler will get to visit here some day.

Obviously, PKU became a very huge part of my life at the same time Chandler became part of mine.  But after the first year the treatment (diet) became so routine that I barely think of it as unusual now.  It seems very normal to me.  It is still a big deal.  Something we always have to think about and plan for.  It has hidden in it worrisome issues about insurance and long term outlook.  The specialty food is very expensive (so is the formula).  But the condition is so rare that many insurance companies won’t cover it.  They often reject our claims forcing us to petition them and fight for coverage.  So far we have been pretty lucky.  But it sure is hard some days. 

It may never be an issue, but in the back of my mind I have considered that NZ (with national health care) may be a safe haven for Chandler if medical coverage in the US collapses.  I don’t know if that could happen, but I like to think of it as a safety net.  It would be better if PKU could simply be covered like all medical care should be.  I don’t know why I have to fight to convince my health insurance company so that my son who needs health care should be covered.  What do I pay taxes for? What did I pay premiums for? Why are other liver conditions treated, but his not?  Why are multi-thousand dollar prescriptions for impotence covered, but not his formula?  I could go on and on, but the ludicrousness of the situation has no answer.  There is only my son, Chandler, his mother, and me, his dad, trying to provide all that he needs.  I am lucky enough to have a lot of support from my wife and family.  Still I'm angry at the system.  It isn't right.