Advice for New and/or Old Husbands - Part II

Defend your wife even if she is wrong.

This is related to not always being Right.  Nobody is perfect, not even brillant husbands.  While we all acknowledge this we seem to only rarely practice it.  We are quick to point out flaws and mistakes.  Sometimes we feel obligated to fix or correct our wives.  Don't do it.  Try (and I mean really try) to do what it takes to make her successful without challenging the way she wants to do it.  I realize this may seem patronizing or just silly so I'm going to expand a bit--stay with me.

Being married is somewhat special and unique.  You're probably not engaged in a lot of relationships that are the same as the relationship you have with your wife.  This is more than just a partnership or an agreement.  This person is with you.  I mean *with* you.  The both of you are together.  The journey you take will be full of triumphs and mistakes.  When she is doing everything right and blazing a trail, you are right there with her celebrating and sharing her happiness.  So it follows that when she wrong you are still with her--not chiding or correcting, but with her.  Maybe what ever it is will fail, but she'll see that soon enough and she'll appreciate you more for trying to support her than for trying to parent her.

There is another fact of life to be considered--life is hard.  Our lives are filled with challenges.  There are people we don't like, but have to work with anyway.  There are politicians telling us how to live.  There are endless bureauracies telling us we used the wrong form or filed it incorrectly.  You wife will be told she is wrong by the whole rest of the world.  She doesn't need you to tell her too.  If there is one person in the whole world she doesn't need criticizing her, it is you.  Let the world be hard--don't be hard on your wife.

This isn't to say you can't voice your opinions or help out.  Obviously if you see that your wife's contraption she's using to get on the roof is about to collapse, then get in there and point out the danger.  But aside from issues of personal safety, stay on her side. 

Also remember that to her A + Yellow = C.  So while you might be quietly thinking she's wrong, she might turn out to be surprisingly right.  Give her the chance to prove it.  Your wife chose you after all.  Hopefully this was a good choice.  If it was, then odds are your wife is a pretty smart cookie.  If it turns out that she really is wrong, then she'll realize it soon enough.  If it turns out she's right, then you saved yourself from looking stupid.  There's no downside to supporting your wife right or wrong.