Monday, November 16, 2009
Aging, as told by George Carlin
George Carlin on aging! (Absolutely Brilliant)
George Carlin's Views on Aging
Do you realize that the only time in our lives when we would like to get old is when we're kids? If you're less than 10 years old, you're so excited about aging that you think in fractions.
'How old are you?' 'I'm four and a half!' You're never thirty-six and a half. You're four and a half, going on five! That's the key.
You get into your teens, now they can't hold you back. You jump to the next number, or even a few ahead.
'How old are you?' 'I'm gonna be 16!' You could be 13, but hey, you're gonna be 16!
And then the greatest day of your life! You become 21. Even the words sound like a ceremony. YOU BECOME 21. YESSSS!!!
But then you turn 30. Oooohh, what happened there? Makes you sound like bad milk! He TURNED; we had to throw him out. There's no fun now, you're Just a sour-dumpling. What's wrong? What's changed?
You BECOME 21, you TURN 30, then you're PUSHING 40. Whoa! Put on the brakes, it's all slipping away. Before you know it, you REACH 50 and your dreams are gone...
But wait!!! You MAKE IT to 60. You didn't think you would!
So you BECOME 21, TURN 30, PUSH 40, REACH 50 and MAKE IT to 60.
You've built up so much speed that you HIT 70! After that it's a day-by-day thing; you HIT Wednesday!
You GET INTO your 80's and every day is a complete cycle; you HIT lunch; you TURN 4:30; you REACH bedtime. And it doesn't end there. Into the 90s, you start going backwards; 'I Was JUST 92.'
Then a strange thing happens. If you make it over 100, you become a little kid again. 'I'm 100 and a half!'
May you all make it to a healthy 100 and a half!!
HOW TO STAY YOUNG
1. Throw out nonessential numbers. This includes age, weight and height. Let the doctors worry about them. That is why you pay them.
2. Keep only cheerful friends. The grouches pull you down.
3. Keep learning! Learn more about the computer, crafts, gardening, whatever, even ham radio. Never let the brain idle. 'An idle mind is the devil's workshop.' And the devil's family name is Alzheimer's.
4. Enjoy the simple things.
5. Laugh often, long and loud. Laugh until you gasp for breath.
6. The tears happen. Endure, grieve, and move on. The only person, who is with us our entire life, is ourselves. Be ALIVE while you are alive.
7. Surround yourself with what you love, whether it's family, pets, keepsakes, music, plants, hobbies, whatever. Your home is your refuge.
8. Cherish your health: If it is good, preserve it. If it is unstable, improve it. If it is beyond what you can improve, get help.
9. Don't take guilt trips. Take a trip to the mall, even to the next county; to a foreign country but NOT to where the guilt is.
10. Tell the people you love that you love them, at every opportunity.
Sunday, November 15, 2009
Eulogy for my Dad
How do you start to write such a thing as the summary of a man’s life? How can you possibly capture all the friends, family, trials and victories? I will spend many years thinking about my father’s life and I don’t know that I will ever have a final conclusion to give.
What I now feel is that this funeral is for the living. If what we believe is true, then my Dad is looking back now with perfect understanding. He knows how all of us felt about him and he has been welcomed home. What I say today will be no surprise to him. What I hope to do then is give some peace and comfort to those of you here today.
My Dad’s life was hard. He struggled more than most. In the end he overcame many challenges. He became happier. He was free of the anger he feared most in himself. But he did not do this alone.
My perspective on my Dad’s life must be skewed by the distance we had. But even from my view it was obvious that my Dad had the best of friends around him. These people made the biggest difference in my Father’s life and I want to thank you all.
My Dad worried that he could never be a good husband and father. His self-doubt kept him from reaching out. It is hard to recognize the good in such men not because it is not there, but because you must search for it to find it. Well, Jojo, you found it. Over 25 years you stuck by my Dad and loved him when he could barely love himself. You saw the best in him. He was a hard man to stay by and I thank you for it, Jojo. I know he loved you and that alone is an amazing thing.
I knew very few of my Dad’s friends by name and I apologize for this. But the one name I know has been a fixture in my father’s life for as long as I can remember—J.J. You have been with my Dad through all his adult years. You were there when he was an ornery youth. You were there when he was a troubled man. You were there at the end of his life while he was still aware and it mattered most. You provided shelter and often even the basic means of living. I can not find words to adequately express how true your friendship has been. I know my Dad would thank you and so I thank you. These words are not enough for friends such as you.
Uncle John. My Dad only has one brother. I know that the two of you were not always close, but for many years you lived and healed together. He may have been gruff at times with you. But at his heart, he wanted you to be happy and free of the struggles you shared. As brothers you looked after each other. I know he would be grateful. He knows you did your best for him. He would be happiest today if you could leave here free of your burdens. But after all things, he will always be your brother and he will always be looking out for you. Thank you, Uncle John.
My Dad has three sisters who, I must confess, I barely know. But again I could see from afar how much you loved your brother. I saw how hard you worked to maintain a connection to him. You have always been accepting, supportive and forgiving. I have read that Home is the place where when you arrive, they have to let you in. It is clear that you have always let my Dad in. You have always let me in. You have been good sisters. Thank you.
Lastly, I’d like to thank my Mom for both me and my Dad. She was never a barrier between my Dad and I. She was never hard or demanding. She never judged my Dad. In all my years she has never said an unkind thing about him. He was what he was. He was a good spirit and that was enough. I know he was grateful and I am grateful.
I know there are many more friends here today who have played large and small parts in my Dad’s life. I know he cared for all of you. I know he was thankful to have you and help you. I think my Dad discovered he was happiest when he could help others. I am amazed to know that he helped so many when he had so little himself. This is what I will remember. The great lesson he has taught is that it is never too late or too little. Do your best.
My cousin, Carrie, has been here for me and my Dad in planning these last days. These tasks have not be easy or simple. With so little to work with she has done an amazing job. Thank you, Carrie.
Tuesday, November 3, 2009
Naked Short Selling
Sounds pretty sexy, eh? Anything with "naked" and "shorts" in the title ought to involve Spring Break co-eds, but not today. This is an update to the financial story I blasted out on Facebook a few weeks ago. The story came from Rolling Stone and basically describes this basic scenario around short selling.
First a very basic explanation of short selling on the stock market which is 100% legal and a good thing to do. Say you have a feeling that stocks in BobCorp are going to go down. They've been flat for a while and the whole Bob-sector is down and you think BobCorp is likely to drop soon. So you come to me (a big BobCorp stock owner with 10,000 shares) and you ask to borrow them for a few days and I agree. You take the shares I gave you and promise to pay me back or return all my shares in 3 days. The current share price is $100 and so the total value is $1,000,000. You immediately sell all my shares for $1 mil. The next day, the fallout you expected happens and BobCorp shares fall to $50 a share. You then immediately buy back 10,000 shares at a cost of $500,000. You then give me back my 10,000 shares and pocket the difference--a cool half mil for only 2-3 days work. Again this is all legal and it work because really there are a few fees in there for me and the broker.
Now in this example I was the stock owner of real shares. I really gave you 10,000 shares to sell and you really bought and sold 10,000 shares. All good. But this not what is happening *today* on the US stock market. Today if you wanted to short sell a stock you would only have to call up your broker and tell them you wanted to short sell 10,000 shares of BobCorp. They may not have 10,000 shares to give you, but they'll act like they do and they'll sell off 10,000 shares for you (they get a % fee on all transactions remember). But in reality lets say they only owned 8,000 shares to lend. But in the US you can still pretend you have 10,000 shares and so 2,000 shares are effectively "created" from nothing and sold to the market. Some buyer got 2,000 bogus shares in the deal. Later you buy back the shares from the market and give them back to the broker. Maybe they are "real" maybe not... it doesn't seem to matter, the extra 2,000 shares stay on the market. This is Naked Short Selling. Now the broker knows those 2,000 shares are not real and they are keeping track of them. They will pay dividends (if any) on them because they make so much money on the fees that it is still profitable for them to float these shares.
The real problem here is that there is not even a rational limit on how nuts you can go with overselling shares. Most people realize that if you flood any market with goods the price goes down. The same is intensely true of the stock market. So here you have a system were you can totally artificially create more shares and then flood them on the market to drop the price--which totally *works* for you because you're more and more money the farther the price tanks. In fact, throw in a couple of nasty rumors about impending lawsuits or the CEO sleeping with underage hookers and you get a real old fashioned hachet job on the stock price. You make a mint. The company you just abused? Well it will might recover or maybe it just files for bankruptcy. Who cares? You made millions. Other investors in that business will take the loss.
This is all legal in the US. The current stock trade system doesn't verify that a broker really has the shares they lend and since the brokers are paying the fees and handling the transactions--no one complains. Folks who have complained (for years) have been ignored. It obviously makes too much money to be stopped. Incidentally... some of the folks most likely to used this trick in the biggest ways are now financial advisors to the President and hold seats on the SEC...
Interestingly enough... this doesn't work in New Zealand. Trades have to settle in 3 days. That means you have to really have the shares in 3 days or the broker is busted. I can't speak for other markets around the world, but I suspect most of them have a way to prevent this. This corruption is obvious to the rest of the world. But I don't see too much outrage about it in the US press... I don't think it was even reported by CNN... hmmm... wonder why?
First a very basic explanation of short selling on the stock market which is 100% legal and a good thing to do. Say you have a feeling that stocks in BobCorp are going to go down. They've been flat for a while and the whole Bob-sector is down and you think BobCorp is likely to drop soon. So you come to me (a big BobCorp stock owner with 10,000 shares) and you ask to borrow them for a few days and I agree. You take the shares I gave you and promise to pay me back or return all my shares in 3 days. The current share price is $100 and so the total value is $1,000,000. You immediately sell all my shares for $1 mil. The next day, the fallout you expected happens and BobCorp shares fall to $50 a share. You then immediately buy back 10,000 shares at a cost of $500,000. You then give me back my 10,000 shares and pocket the difference--a cool half mil for only 2-3 days work. Again this is all legal and it work because really there are a few fees in there for me and the broker.
Now in this example I was the stock owner of real shares. I really gave you 10,000 shares to sell and you really bought and sold 10,000 shares. All good. But this not what is happening *today* on the US stock market. Today if you wanted to short sell a stock you would only have to call up your broker and tell them you wanted to short sell 10,000 shares of BobCorp. They may not have 10,000 shares to give you, but they'll act like they do and they'll sell off 10,000 shares for you (they get a % fee on all transactions remember). But in reality lets say they only owned 8,000 shares to lend. But in the US you can still pretend you have 10,000 shares and so 2,000 shares are effectively "created" from nothing and sold to the market. Some buyer got 2,000 bogus shares in the deal. Later you buy back the shares from the market and give them back to the broker. Maybe they are "real" maybe not... it doesn't seem to matter, the extra 2,000 shares stay on the market. This is Naked Short Selling. Now the broker knows those 2,000 shares are not real and they are keeping track of them. They will pay dividends (if any) on them because they make so much money on the fees that it is still profitable for them to float these shares.
The real problem here is that there is not even a rational limit on how nuts you can go with overselling shares. Most people realize that if you flood any market with goods the price goes down. The same is intensely true of the stock market. So here you have a system were you can totally artificially create more shares and then flood them on the market to drop the price--which totally *works* for you because you're more and more money the farther the price tanks. In fact, throw in a couple of nasty rumors about impending lawsuits or the CEO sleeping with underage hookers and you get a real old fashioned hachet job on the stock price. You make a mint. The company you just abused? Well it will might recover or maybe it just files for bankruptcy. Who cares? You made millions. Other investors in that business will take the loss.
This is all legal in the US. The current stock trade system doesn't verify that a broker really has the shares they lend and since the brokers are paying the fees and handling the transactions--no one complains. Folks who have complained (for years) have been ignored. It obviously makes too much money to be stopped. Incidentally... some of the folks most likely to used this trick in the biggest ways are now financial advisors to the President and hold seats on the SEC...
Interestingly enough... this doesn't work in New Zealand. Trades have to settle in 3 days. That means you have to really have the shares in 3 days or the broker is busted. I can't speak for other markets around the world, but I suspect most of them have a way to prevent this. This corruption is obvious to the rest of the world. But I don't see too much outrage about it in the US press... I don't think it was even reported by CNN... hmmm... wonder why?
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