New Zealand Royal Navy

I'll start this entry off by saying emphatically that the NZ armed forces has been among the first to rally to virtually every call to arms in West.  Where the US has been slow to respond, NZ never hesitates.  It has proved that a small nation can tower over larger nations in its ability to sacrifice for others.  I have profound respect for those that serve out of the most extreme desire to do good.  I know that my freedoms have certainly been defended by NZ.  And now it is with good intentions that I poke a little fun at our respective militaries between the US and NZ.

One of the first things I noticed about the NZ military was the recruitment ads.  These are completely different from the US.  In America you see scenes from Top Gun as F-16's race across sunsets and fully geared, yet thoroughly clean troops "play" at field exercises.  It is all very "G.I. Joe" and patriotic.  Now cut to the NZ recruitment ad... Gun ships blow unclear targets to flinders, men *and* women hide in foxholes while debris rains down on their heads and they shout instructions in to comms.  Small squads open up with automatic weapons and then a montage of modern weapons play before cutting back to a soldier in civilian dress on the deck of a Destroyer saying "I love you, Mum."

Holy Shizzle!

Amazing what marketing can do, eh?  From watching the US ads you might not even think you would ever be in danger.  But in NZ, hell, they're warning their Mums that their sons and daughters might get blown up today!  Now that's some balls.  That's telling it like it is!  While not every service man (or woman) will see real combat, at least NZ is out there saying you certainly could.  That would never happen in the US.  The US military never (not even in the recruitment office) talks about shooting people.  Of course we all know what the military is for.  But if you just watched the ads... in the US the military is for college, job training and experience while the NZ military is for blowing stuff up.

So I went to the NZ Royal Navy website to take a peek around.  You know the US military is fairly exclusionary.  No one over 35, US citizens only, no gays, no fat chicks, etc.  But the third bullet down on the NZRN recruitment page is "Join from Overseas".  The requirments are any previous military experience and being a citizen for 10 years in Australia, UK, USA or Canada.  Then farther down they hedge on this and say well... we'll consider folks that were just citizens of those countries for 10 years.  And then more hedging, if you lived here for 5 years, what the hell? Here's a gun.

Then I checked out what positions they had open.  I assume this is the entire NZ Royal Navy's list of open jobs... there are 20.  Think about that one for a few ticks... Even if their unemployed rate is pretty low... how many folks can that equate to total? 1000? 2000?  Talk about "the few"! 

These positions are all broken down in to grades/ranks.  They all seem pretty normal until you get to Lieutenant.  The first one on the list is "Warfare".  That seems pretty obvious.  In fact, I would sort of expect all of the postions to have something to do with "warfare" but I guess this guy is the specialist.  That would be a manly title wouldn't it?  "I"m Lt. of Warfare, Curtis Effing Owings."  *grunt* 

Some of the other titles are not nearly so glamorous... Construction Manager, Education, Supply, Doctor... Of course I probably can't do any of these and then I see "Observer".  Observer?  Lt. Observer, Curtis Owings... What does that guy do?  I think I could probably swing that job.  "Watcha doin' Lieutenant?" "Watching you." 

One of these jobs really stands out though.  In the list of Lt's one is called "Mine Clearance Diving."  This job has all the fun, doesn't it?! Under crushing depths, limited air supply, burst lungs, explosives and lots of shrapnel and certain death if you get it wrong... Same pay grade as "Observer".  Now if someone gave me a choice between two equal pay jobs like Observer and Mine Clearance Diving... "Have a good dive, Bob... I'll be watchin'... good luck!"