The year 2009

     2009, where did it go?  It feels like I rolled over in bed and discovered it was 2010.  "Damn, slept in late!"  Yet, when I think back I can recall a full year of events.
     For me the year started with an amazing hope.  The election in the US rolled across the whole world with a wave of optimism.  At the time, I had not realized how important that election was.  When it happened, I was not prepare for my own feelings of it.  It was good.  Of course, reality being what it is, the world has still struggled in 2009.  I am not envious of Obama's place in history.  I hope he does well.
     We had many fantastic visitors this year.  My folks came down in January, then my Mom again with my kids in June.  My father-in-law, Don, was down in July--as he had the year before.  His sister, Maurine, joined us for a couple of those weeks.  Lastly, and not the least, Amy's step-mom, Cindy, who many thought could never make the trip, flew down for a week to pick up Gabe in December.  He is with all his grandparents now on holiday and will be back in Feb.  If we were to count days, we spent about 3 and half months with visitors in New Zealand.  I spent a week in Kansas in October for the kids' birthdays.  There is something entirely different about visiting with family for many days or weeks.  I remember seeing folks for a single occasion or just a dinner.  We'd chat and have a good time, but it doesn't compare with sharing a home with them for days.  It is a good thing.  I look forward to it.
     Of course we lost many people in 2009.  Two of my good friends lost their fathers.  My dad died in November.  Another dear friend lost her 19 year old son.  Always we are left with more questions than answers.  The world lost many... some good, some bad, and some that were hard to tell.  Humans were terrible to each other in some places and kind in other places with less media attention.  I have no scale to measure this year against other years.  Life remains a perfect balance between tragedy and miracle that is unevenly meted.  May we all find strength when we need it and share joy when we find it.
     My family is doing well.  I found my brother, Nathan, who I had lost for some 20 years.  Not only did I find Nathan, but he had a daughter in October.  My other brother, Justin, added to his family the easy way and adopted Kingsley just this year.  Many family members on my Dad's side have found me and we have talked.  I now have seven children in the generation after me.  Strange to think about.
     I have seen glittering black sand beaches with crashing turquoise and white waves.  I have seen volcanoes in the distance.  In Kiakoura we saw seals and perhaps the most beautiful vistas on Earth.  At the Abel Tasman park I witnessed the most beautiful sunsets of my life.  Each and every day, I have admired the Wellington harbour.  Many days I have sat at a cafe with a view to the water with a cappuccino and marvelled at how good life can be.
     Each year will have its struggles.  2009 was not easy, but I lived.  2010 looks to be a year of greater promise and perhaps greater challenges.  Whatever comes, I will be happy to live it.  When I find joy, I will share it.  When I need strength, I will ask for it.  To all who have made my life wonderful, I give a deeply felt and humble, thank you.

Making a List

     I set out to make a list of things I want out of life; things I want to do.  I was quite surprised how hard this was.  While it seems simple to roll around a mental list of things you might like to have, it is actually quite difficult to come up with things you want purely for yourself.  I performed this exercise because I felt that I may not be sure of what I wanted and thus might not really be focusing on it.  You might be fairly amazed at how thought provoking this can be.  This exercise has 3 rules.

     Rule 1: No wants that require another person to do something.
     You just can not control what other people may do no matter how much you want them to.  Leave these off your list.  Examples to avoid include: "I want Jane to love me", "I want a partner in my life", "I want to make my partner happy."

     Rule 2: No wants that don't directly involve you doing something.
     Examples: "I want world peace", "I want housing costs to be cheaper", or "I want life to be easier".  Basically these are all things that you probably can not achieve directly even if you can help them along.  If you really want to achieve world peace then say something like "I want to volunteer for the UN."

     Rule 3: No negative wants or "I do not wants"
     Examples: "I don't want to be poor", "I want Bob's house to burn down", etc.  Every example I came up with could be restated with a positive want.  If you don't want to be sick, then you want to be healthy and fit.  If you don't want to be afraid anymore, then you want to live bravely.

     This is primarily a set of things you want to actively do or seek in your life.  Now we'll make a separate list for what you want in a partner, but you need to have this list of what you want in life first.  Really write these down.  There is a real significance to seeing what you want written down.  I'd love to hear what you discover about yourself in this.  No one has to share their list.
     A little bit more about why I chose to do this...  For a long time I've been watching the Universe and seeing how it prods us all along on our paths.  I began to realize that while I know the Universe will conspire to deliver our happiness when we seek it, we still get to make our own choices.  I was too caught up in seeking what I was meant to do and not really deciding what I wanted to do.  Thus the list.

Inclusion

All the religions of the world got a few things right.  All the religions of the world got a few things wrong.  All the religions of the world were created by the human race.  The human race was created as part of the Universe.  The Universe includes the human race.  The human race through religion has tended to make itself separate from the Universe.

We tend to plod along imagining that our course is separate from the rest.  We imagine that we are special to other things or that our destiny is our own while the rest of the Universe merely tries to keep up or follow along.  We forget that all things have but a single origin.  All that is, is.  The origin of the tree, the stone, the river, the Sun and all the heavens is the same origin of the human race.  All things were created together to take shape in this Universe; to form and reform; to change.

We can not be separated from it.  We can not be excluded.  We are creatures of it born as part of it.  We are fully capable beings of the Universe.  Everyone and everything has a part.  We are actors and observers.  Our purpose is different from the tree or the stone, but our role is not any more, or less, significant.  While all things are connected we are also unique and travel a different path.

Feel this connection in your life.  We are a part of everything and each other.  In this way knowing yourself is knowing everything.

The Trouble with Twitters

I've discovered a problem with Twitter and Facebook.  While they are great communication tools they have limited or no archive.  One of the most valuable things I thought would result from blogging was the lasting archive of what I wrote.  Much like a diary, I could go back and re-live the things I wrote about.  So while FB and Twitter are awesome for sharing brief moments of my day, they suck at the archive.  There is nothing to be done about though other than just try to write and post more often.

These last 3 months of the year have been crazy.  I have a very active project at work and so many other real-life things that it has nearly squeezed out time for extra things like blogging.  Still I see vast area for improvement.  My time management skills at home could be improved quite a bit.  It is a struggle to keep up with calls and correspondance.  But it is all part of the trade-off of moving to an island.  If i were still in Kansas right now, I'd be freezing inside and probably complaining about all the time needed to go visiting every weekend.  Lives are full no matter what you do *grin*.

Gabe finished a school project.  It is due today.  We did an experiment on evaporation.  While not the most scientific of topics, it did go over the basics of how to do a project.  In case anyone wondered... water does not evaporate all that quickly during a rainy cool week in Wellington by the sea.  Like really not at all.

I have spent a lot of time on personal reflection.  My Dad died which I suppose makes anyone think about things.  But even more than this I have just been thinking about life.  I have not come to any profound conclusion and I am not seeking any specific answers.  I guess it is just good to review things now and then and see if anything needs to be re-filed.

I do want to get back to writing much more.  I know some new tricks.  I know music greatly enhances my muse.  I know I need to chart out when I feel like writing and see what I can do to make myself available for writing in those times.  I suppose it is all steady progress toward a goal.  I find that living each day is just so enjoyable I am not driven to improve things greatly.  I hope this is a good thing and not a sign of complacency or laziness.  I am looking forward to Christmas and a long holiday after.  There are certainly some great advantages to kiwi life :-) .

Aging, as told by George Carlin

George Carlin on aging! (Absolutely Brilliant)

George Carlin's Views on Aging

Do you realize that the only time in our lives when we would like to get old is when we're kids? If you're less than 10 years old, you're so excited about aging that you think in fractions.

'How old are you?' 'I'm four and a half!' You're never thirty-six and a half. You're four and a half, going on five! That's the key.

You get into your teens, now they can't hold you back. You jump to the next number, or even a few ahead.

'How old are you?' 'I'm gonna be 16!' You could be 13, but hey, you're gonna be 16!
 
And then the greatest day of your life! You become 21. Even the words sound like a ceremony. YOU BECOME 21. YESSSS!!!

But then you turn 30. Oooohh, what happened there? Makes you sound like bad milk! He TURNED; we had to throw him out. There's no fun now, you're Just a sour-dumpling. What's wrong? What's changed?

You BECOME 21, you TURN 30, then you're PUSHING 40. Whoa! Put on the brakes, it's all slipping away. Before you know it, you REACH 50 and your dreams are gone...

But wait!!! You MAKE IT to 60. You didn't think you would!

So you BECOME 21, TURN 30, PUSH 40, REACH 50 and MAKE IT to 60.

You've built up so much speed that you HIT 70! After that it's a day-by-day thing; you HIT Wednesday!

You GET INTO your 80's and every day is a complete cycle; you HIT lunch; you TURN 4:30; you REACH bedtime. And it doesn't end there. Into the 90s, you start going backwards; 'I Was JUST 92.'

Then a strange thing happens. If you make it over 100, you become a little kid again. 'I'm 100 and a half!'
May you all make it to a healthy 100 and a half!!

HOW TO STAY YOUNG

1. Throw out nonessential numbers. This includes age, weight and height. Let the doctors worry about them. That is why you pay them.

2. Keep only cheerful friends. The grouches pull you down.

3. Keep learning! Learn more about the computer, crafts, gardening, whatever, even ham radio. Never let the brain idle. 'An idle mind is the devil's workshop.' And the devil's family name is Alzheimer's.

4. Enjoy the simple things.

5. Laugh often, long and loud. Laugh until you gasp for breath.

6. The tears happen. Endure, grieve, and move on. The only person, who is with us our entire life, is ourselves. Be ALIVE while you are alive.

7. Surround yourself with what you love, whether it's family, pets, keepsakes, music, plants, hobbies, whatever. Your home is your refuge.

8. Cherish your health: If it is good, preserve it. If it is unstable, improve it. If it is beyond what you can improve, get help.

9. Don't take guilt trips. Take a trip to the mall, even to the next county; to a foreign country but NOT to where the guilt is.

10. Tell the people you love that you love them, at every opportunity.

Eulogy for my Dad

How do you start to write such a thing as the summary of a man’s life?  How can you possibly capture all the friends, family, trials and victories?  I will spend many years thinking about my father’s life and I don’t know that I will ever have a final conclusion to give. 

What I now feel is that this funeral is for the living.  If what we believe is true, then my Dad is looking back now with perfect understanding.  He knows how all of us felt about him and he has been welcomed home.  What I say today will be no surprise to him.  What I hope to do then is give some peace and comfort to those of you here today.

My Dad’s life was hard.  He struggled more than most.  In the end he overcame many challenges.  He became happier.  He was free of the anger he feared most in himself.  But he did not do this alone.

My perspective on my Dad’s life must be skewed by the distance we had.  But even from my view it was obvious that my Dad had the best of friends around him.  These people made the biggest difference in my Father’s life and I want to thank you all.

My Dad worried that he could never be a good husband and father.  His self-doubt kept him from reaching out.  It is hard to recognize the good in such men not because it is not there, but because you must search for it to find it.  Well, Jojo, you found it.  Over 25 years you stuck by my Dad and loved him when he could barely love himself.  You saw the best in him.  He was a hard man to stay by and I thank you for it, Jojo.  I know he loved you and that alone is an amazing thing.

I knew very few of my Dad’s friends by name and I apologize for this.  But the one name I know has been a fixture in my father’s life for as long as I can remember—J.J. You have been with my Dad through all his adult years.  You were there when he was an ornery youth.  You were there when he was a troubled man.  You were there at the end of his life while he was still aware and it mattered most.  You provided shelter and often even the basic means of living.  I can not find words to adequately express how true your friendship has been.  I know my Dad would thank you and so I thank you.  These words are not enough for friends such as you.

Uncle John.  My Dad only has one brother.  I know that the two of you were not always close, but for many years you lived and healed together.  He may have been gruff at times with you.  But at his heart, he wanted you to be happy and free of the struggles you shared.  As brothers you looked after each other.  I know he would be grateful.  He knows you did your best for him.  He would be happiest today if you could leave here free of your burdens.  But after all things, he will always be your brother and he will always be looking out for you.  Thank you, Uncle John.

My Dad has three sisters who, I must confess, I barely know.  But again I could see from afar how much you loved your brother.  I saw how hard you worked to maintain a connection to him.  You have always been accepting, supportive and forgiving.  I have read that Home is the place where when you arrive, they have to let you in.  It is clear that you have always let my Dad in.  You have always let me in.  You have been good sisters.  Thank you.

Lastly, I’d like to thank my Mom for both me and my Dad.  She was never a barrier between my Dad and I.  She was never hard or demanding.  She never judged my Dad.  In all my years she has never said an unkind thing about him.  He was what he was.  He was a good spirit and that was enough.  I know he was grateful and I am grateful.

I know there are many more friends here today who have played large and small parts in my Dad’s life.  I know he cared for all of you.  I know he was thankful to have you and help you.  I think my Dad discovered he was happiest when he could help others.  I am amazed to know that he helped so many when he had so little himself.  This is what I will remember.  The great lesson he has taught is that it is never too late or too little.  Do your best.

My cousin, Carrie, has been here for me and my Dad in planning these last days.  These tasks have not be easy or simple.  With so little to work with she has done an amazing job.  Thank you, Carrie.

These brief words are not enough mark such a life.  I know I have missed many.  I hope you can forgive me.  I am very grateful that you all were part of my Dad’s life.  Carry his memory well and be kind with it.  Thank you for coming today.

Naked Short Selling

Sounds pretty sexy, eh?  Anything with "naked" and "shorts" in the title ought to involve Spring Break co-eds, but not today.  This is an update to the financial story I blasted out on Facebook a few weeks ago.  The story came from Rolling Stone and basically describes this basic scenario around short selling.

First a very basic explanation of short selling on the stock market which is 100% legal and a good thing to do.  Say you have a feeling that stocks in BobCorp are going to go down.  They've been flat for a while and the whole Bob-sector is down and you think BobCorp is likely to drop soon.  So you come to me (a big BobCorp stock owner with 10,000 shares) and you ask to borrow them for a few days and I agree.  You take the shares I gave you and promise to pay me back or return all my shares in 3 days.  The current share price is $100 and so the total value is $1,000,000.  You immediately sell all my shares for $1 mil.  The next day, the fallout you expected happens and BobCorp shares fall to $50 a share.  You then immediately buy back 10,000 shares at a cost of $500,000.  You then give me back my 10,000 shares and pocket the difference--a cool half mil for only 2-3 days work.  Again this is all legal and it work because really there are a few fees in there for me and the broker.

Now in this example I was the stock owner of real shares.  I really gave you 10,000 shares to sell and you really bought and sold 10,000 shares.  All good.  But this not what is happening *today* on the US stock market.  Today if you wanted to short sell a stock you would only have to call up your broker and tell them you wanted to short sell 10,000 shares of BobCorp.  They may not have 10,000 shares to give you, but they'll act like they do and they'll sell off 10,000 shares for you (they get a % fee on all transactions remember).  But in reality lets say they only owned 8,000 shares to lend.  But in the US you can still pretend you have 10,000 shares and so 2,000 shares are effectively "created" from nothing and sold to the market.  Some buyer got 2,000 bogus shares in the deal.  Later you buy back the shares from the market and give them back to the broker.  Maybe they are "real" maybe not... it doesn't seem to matter, the extra 2,000 shares stay on the market.  This is Naked Short Selling.  Now the broker knows those 2,000 shares are not real and they are keeping track of them.  They will pay dividends (if any) on them because they make so much money on the fees that it is still profitable for them to float these shares.

The real problem here is that there is not even a rational limit on how nuts you can go with overselling shares.  Most people realize that if you flood any market with goods the price goes down.  The same is intensely true of the stock market.  So here you have a system were you can totally artificially create more shares and then flood them on the market to drop the price--which totally *works* for you because you're more and more money the farther the price tanks.  In fact, throw in a couple of nasty rumors about impending lawsuits or the CEO sleeping with underage hookers and you get a real old fashioned hachet job on the stock price.  You make a mint.  The company you just abused? Well it will might recover or maybe it just files for bankruptcy.  Who cares? You made millions.  Other investors in that business will take the loss.

This is all legal in the US.  The current stock trade system doesn't verify that a broker really has the shares they lend and since the brokers are paying the fees and handling the transactions--no one complains.  Folks who have complained (for years) have been ignored.  It obviously makes too much money to be stopped.  Incidentally... some of the folks most likely to used this trick in the biggest ways are now financial advisors to the President and hold seats on the SEC...

Interestingly enough... this doesn't work in New Zealand.  Trades have to settle in 3 days.  That means you have to really have the shares in 3 days or the broker is busted.  I can't speak for other markets around the world, but I suspect most of them have a way to prevent this.  This corruption is obvious to the rest of the world.  But I don't see too much outrage about it in the US press... I don't think it was even reported by CNN... hmmm... wonder why?