Eulogy for my Dad

How do you start to write such a thing as the summary of a man’s life?  How can you possibly capture all the friends, family, trials and victories?  I will spend many years thinking about my father’s life and I don’t know that I will ever have a final conclusion to give. 

What I now feel is that this funeral is for the living.  If what we believe is true, then my Dad is looking back now with perfect understanding.  He knows how all of us felt about him and he has been welcomed home.  What I say today will be no surprise to him.  What I hope to do then is give some peace and comfort to those of you here today.

My Dad’s life was hard.  He struggled more than most.  In the end he overcame many challenges.  He became happier.  He was free of the anger he feared most in himself.  But he did not do this alone.

My perspective on my Dad’s life must be skewed by the distance we had.  But even from my view it was obvious that my Dad had the best of friends around him.  These people made the biggest difference in my Father’s life and I want to thank you all.

My Dad worried that he could never be a good husband and father.  His self-doubt kept him from reaching out.  It is hard to recognize the good in such men not because it is not there, but because you must search for it to find it.  Well, Jojo, you found it.  Over 25 years you stuck by my Dad and loved him when he could barely love himself.  You saw the best in him.  He was a hard man to stay by and I thank you for it, Jojo.  I know he loved you and that alone is an amazing thing.

I knew very few of my Dad’s friends by name and I apologize for this.  But the one name I know has been a fixture in my father’s life for as long as I can remember—J.J. You have been with my Dad through all his adult years.  You were there when he was an ornery youth.  You were there when he was a troubled man.  You were there at the end of his life while he was still aware and it mattered most.  You provided shelter and often even the basic means of living.  I can not find words to adequately express how true your friendship has been.  I know my Dad would thank you and so I thank you.  These words are not enough for friends such as you.

Uncle John.  My Dad only has one brother.  I know that the two of you were not always close, but for many years you lived and healed together.  He may have been gruff at times with you.  But at his heart, he wanted you to be happy and free of the struggles you shared.  As brothers you looked after each other.  I know he would be grateful.  He knows you did your best for him.  He would be happiest today if you could leave here free of your burdens.  But after all things, he will always be your brother and he will always be looking out for you.  Thank you, Uncle John.

My Dad has three sisters who, I must confess, I barely know.  But again I could see from afar how much you loved your brother.  I saw how hard you worked to maintain a connection to him.  You have always been accepting, supportive and forgiving.  I have read that Home is the place where when you arrive, they have to let you in.  It is clear that you have always let my Dad in.  You have always let me in.  You have been good sisters.  Thank you.

Lastly, I’d like to thank my Mom for both me and my Dad.  She was never a barrier between my Dad and I.  She was never hard or demanding.  She never judged my Dad.  In all my years she has never said an unkind thing about him.  He was what he was.  He was a good spirit and that was enough.  I know he was grateful and I am grateful.

I know there are many more friends here today who have played large and small parts in my Dad’s life.  I know he cared for all of you.  I know he was thankful to have you and help you.  I think my Dad discovered he was happiest when he could help others.  I am amazed to know that he helped so many when he had so little himself.  This is what I will remember.  The great lesson he has taught is that it is never too late or too little.  Do your best.

My cousin, Carrie, has been here for me and my Dad in planning these last days.  These tasks have not be easy or simple.  With so little to work with she has done an amazing job.  Thank you, Carrie.

These brief words are not enough mark such a life.  I know I have missed many.  I hope you can forgive me.  I am very grateful that you all were part of my Dad’s life.  Carry his memory well and be kind with it.  Thank you for coming today.