Strange Dad Karma

Well out of the blue, my mom catches me at work to say "something has happened".  This is never a good thing.  But just minutes before we were joking over statuses in Facebook.  So really in the back of my mind I'm thinking, "How bad could it be?"  But she was being pretty serious.  I had a meeting starting in 5 minutes, but when mom says "something's happened" I couldn't go through a meeting worrying about what it might be so I pressed her to tell me.

My real Dad is in the hospital with terminal lung cancer--just diagnosed.  Our first tiny bit of info is only that he had a few days to a week.  But this is all still very early information.

In light of just making contact with my half-brother, Nathan, I really can't believe the coincidence.  But then I don't really believe the Universe is random.  Nathan needed to find me before Dad died. 

It is all a bit of a mess of odd feelings right now.  In no particular order it goes something like this... I haven't seen or talked to my Dad in about 8 years.  You could measure the time we've spent together in the last 14 years on one 12 hour clock.  My Dad has smoked unfiltered Pall Mall's (at least a pack a day) for at least 40 years.  I don't think he smoked them because he couldn't quit... I don't think he ever really tried to quit.  I don't hold this against him really.  He wanted to be a smoker and he was.  I could rush home to catch him before he goes and probably stay for his funeral, but I find myself questioning why I should do such a thing.  Not saying I will or won't... just questioning.  Questioning is conflicted on many levels.

I called my Dad in the hospital.  We talked for about 15 minutes.  He wanted to make sure I knew he always loved me.  That was good--I did always know this.  I told him that I had moved to New Zealand and I wasn't sure what was possible yet.  I told him I found Nathan and we were talking.  I told him I'd make sure Nathan knew what was happening.  I asked him who was with him.  He said just his nurses and doctors.  I asked about his brother, John--where was he? He said he didn't think John would be awake.  That was a bit surreal.  Dad said he was used to being alone now.  He said he had mellowed and now had more friends than enemies.  Hey, that's good... but where were they?  I don't think Dad will tell them.  He's not a great communicator.

I still have a lot to think about.  To friends and family that may read this and worry about what to say... don't worry.  I'd rather talk to y'all than have you stay away!  Take care!