Corp America(tm)

This is a bit of satire that I wrote last night, but like all good satire it has a degree of truth…  But for the record I have no means to establish Corp America and it is not a real entity.

I am tired of dancing around the issue.  The current system of smoke and mirrors controlling our politics is inefficient and a bit childish.  So I’m going to call a spade a spade and design a better system.  I’m going to establish Corp America™*.

Corp America is going to have one purpose; to absolutely control American politics and policy.  I’m not going to flinch from that fact at all.  Corp America is out to buy votes, make laws, and secure our interests.  Buying stock in Corp America will allow every share holder to exercise more voting power than they have ever had at the ballot box.  Working for Corp America will put you on the front line of political influence and impact to our society.  Our agenda will be clear, published, and voted in by the share holders.

Our capital will be used in strategic investments to make profits and foster our agenda.  Our intent will be to make the USA better for Americans, a more respectful member of the global community, and an earnest proponent of profits for the middle-class.  We will have a legal department, HR, accountants, consultants, assistants, executives, project managers, and a healthy benefit package.  We will strive to be the America we want the US to become.  Our physical projects will focus on improving America’s infrastructure (transport, utilities, and resources).  Our soft products will focus on improving education and access to education.  As an employee, it will be your job to get smarter.  Corp America projects would emphasize green energy sources, technologies to reduce emissions, secondary education facilities, and projects to develop public transportation.  Corp America will participate in the stock market, investments, and a company credit union.

Our headquarters will be located as close to Congress, the Whitehouse, and Supreme Court as is financially possible.  Bonus pay will be given based on traceable influence to policy makers.  We will never be covert.  All of our salaries will be public knowledge.  We will stand out.  We will be visible, vocal, and determined.  All of our profits will be spent on gaining control of the US government—including placing our employees in to the government.  Our employees in government will continue to earn Corp America paychecks as long as they voluntarily continue to participate in Corp America policies set by the shareholders.

Corp America will not discriminate on the basis of sex, religion, orientation, race, shirt size, pet preference, or favorite color.   We will not seek to influence these areas of society other than to insure there is no discrimination in America for anyone.

We are neither Republican nor Democrat.  We seek to be neither Conservative nor Liberal.  We speak for all Americans with focus on restoring the middle-class and working to move more from poverty up and more from ultra rich down.  Equality of economics is not the goal, just a smoothing of the curve.  There will always be rich and there will always be poor.  We will endeavour to do all we can to limit the extremes.

All employees will be required to participate in all elections.  Individuals must vote to their conscience, but we would hope that conscience aligns with Corp America™ shareholder policy.  Voting is a minimal condition to receiving any bonus pay.  To be clear you can earn your bonus for any vote on any issue—you simply must vote.  Each member of your household must vote if they are legally allowed to do so.  Our corporate training will focus on getting the best information and education around our agenda issues to our employees.  We will maintain a website detailing how our corporation wishes to vote on all issues on the ballot in every district where we operate.  Again, you always vote the way you wish, but we will document what we feel is the best vote and back it up with unbiased reasoning and analysis freely available to Corp America employees and publicly posted on our web presence.

The workers of Corp America will automatically be unionized as a free benefit for the first year of employment.  After the first year, the employee will be responsible for dues to be set by the Corp America Union.  Corp America will establish a pay ratio between the highest paid and lowest paid employee regardless of where that employee sits in the organization.  

Should you gain elected office as a Corp America employee, your immediate duties will cease and you will assume your new role as a public official.  You will uphold all legal and ethical obligations to your post.  Your job at Corp America will become being an effective leader in your role.  You will gain access to our political advisors and educational resources.  Corp America will determine what actions to take should you violate the law or ethical policies—this may include termination and notification of proper legal authorities.  Corp America will not attempt to hide any of your actions and will actively seek to bring all such actions to public view.

Buy American.  Shed the illusion of democracy and embrace the real democracy of our times.  Invest in Corp America.  Recruiting today!


*A real trademark will be selected later; suggestions welcome.